Can I talk to someone about this 'practical joke' it was years ago but it still affects me

[Unfunnyjoke]

Occasionally this pops up again in my mind and I really struggling to process it. It's been 5 years since so I don't know why I can't get over it.

I have been through so much trauma in my life, abuse, the deaths of my children, cancer... you get the picture. I'm usually a person who compartmentalises and just gets on with stuff because there's no other choice, but this feels really different.

My ex and I had been together 4 years, just had our second child (3 days beforehand) our older dc was with family for a few hours while I rested after a traumatic birth.

I was dozing off between breastfeeding and then he nudged me and told me to look at the TV.

There was breaking news on there, and all this awful footage of shit going in in the world that didn't look right at all, then they started on about nuclear threat, said the PM was getting taken to a bunker etc. I messaged the person who had my dc and then tried to call and got no response. I was absolutely terrified, picked up my baby, sobbing because I was terrified she would die and that my older dc would die without me there.

Then the report said that a nuclear bomb was imminent and went off air. I was sobbing and felt sick, started putting my shoes on to run and get my older dc.

Then ex started pissing himself laughing, it was a YouTube video, made to look realistic and that it was breaking news that the UK was getting bombed and we were all going to die.

He had messaged my family member saying to ignore my calls because I needed rest and was worrying about older dc.

He found it hilarious, and I just couldn't get over the cruelty of it.

My ex before him beat me up several times and I feel like I'm over that, but this... I just can't seem to. Every time I think of it I feel sick, the fear of my babies dying after the losses of my older two children..

I can't understand, I've had 'worse' things happen to me and feel sort of OK about that, but this.. I don't know.

Does anyone have any idea why this hits so hard after all these years? How I can try and process what was essentially a practical joke or just make me feel a bit better by telling me what a twat my ex is

I feel like I'm going mad by still being upset about this.

I'm so glad to read your update @Unfunnyjoke . Even starting a thread and asking the initial question can be hard, you've done really well in working through this

So glad you’re feeling better about your reaction.

I was thinking about it and it’s a bit like if someone came up to you with a fake gun that you didn’t know was fake. Then told you it was a joke.

Sorry this awful thing happened to you OP. I think it's the fact that you are still allowing yourself to use the words 'practical joke' albeit in commas. The lines have been blurred, you said yourself, you did joke around etc. Then someone tries to make the excuse ( on the back of your history of jokes with each other) that this dispicable behaviour is also a joke.They thought they'd give themselves a get out of jail free card. In reality it's as far away from a joke as you can possibly get. It was a double whammy, eg.when you got beaten up by the other guy you knew it for the terrible thing it was and I guess he didn't try to tell you he was just tickling you? Therefore your brain could process it more clearly. The disgusting You Tube thing is different. I hope you've found some help here.

Thanks for the update and glad you might feel validated now , enjoy your journey in life x

This is a perfect comparison. No one would downplay how traumatising that would be and the ‘joker’ would have been an absolute jerk.

I’m so glad you feel validated and can hopefully move on from it feeling good in yourself. Your reaction was 100% valid.

Fucking hell. That is cruel. Completely cruel. What a terrible terrible person your ex must be.

One piece of advice I can give you, is to talk about this in real life to the people you spend time with.

Whenever I keep something to myself (because I think I'm being silly or whatever) it grows rather than fading over time.

I had an issue with an OCD thought process developing but didn't tell anyone as I was a bit embarrassed. Once I'd talked to a couple of people about it, the mental weight lifted a lot and once I started being open about it with all close friends and family it just became a lot less significant and things improved a lot.

Sorry - I didn't clock that the thread had developed.

I'm pleased to read that you're in a much better place with this now OP.

Glad to hear you are doing well op. What I'm not surprised you were traumatised, for a couple of minutes you actually knew what the end of the world felt like. You sound strong. Best wishes to you. 💐

He's an awful piece of work, glad you've broken up. It's only a joke if all involved find it funny.

Sometimes the thing that triggers the ptsd isn't actually the traumatic event, it's the tiny thing after that's the last straw that brings the whole thing crashing down. It sounds like you had a load of trauma around losing your children and not being there when it happened and he chose to take somewhere you should have been safe and make you relive those feelings. Of course it affected you more than people without the previous experiences, just as he would have known it would.