Can I talk to someone about this 'practical joke' it was years ago but it still affects me

[Unfunnyjoke]

Occasionally this pops up again in my mind and I really struggling to process it. It's been 5 years since so I don't know why I can't get over it.

I have been through so much trauma in my life, abuse, the deaths of my children, cancer... you get the picture. I'm usually a person who compartmentalises and just gets on with stuff because there's no other choice, but this feels really different.

My ex and I had been together 4 years, just had our second child (3 days beforehand) our older dc was with family for a few hours while I rested after a traumatic birth.

I was dozing off between breastfeeding and then he nudged me and told me to look at the TV.

There was breaking news on there, and all this awful footage of shit going in in the world that didn't look right at all, then they started on about nuclear threat, said the PM was getting taken to a bunker etc. I messaged the person who had my dc and then tried to call and got no response. I was absolutely terrified, picked up my baby, sobbing because I was terrified she would die and that my older dc would die without me there.

Then the report said that a nuclear bomb was imminent and went off air. I was sobbing and felt sick, started putting my shoes on to run and get my older dc.

Then ex started pissing himself laughing, it was a YouTube video, made to look realistic and that it was breaking news that the UK was getting bombed and we were all going to die.

He had messaged my family member saying to ignore my calls because I needed rest and was worrying about older dc.

He found it hilarious, and I just couldn't get over the cruelty of it.

My ex before him beat me up several times and I feel like I'm over that, but this... I just can't seem to. Every time I think of it I feel sick, the fear of my babies dying after the losses of my older two children..

I can't understand, I've had 'worse' things happen to me and feel sort of OK about that, but this.. I don't know.

Does anyone have any idea why this hits so hard after all these years? How I can try and process what was essentially a practical joke or just make me feel a bit better by telling me what a twat my ex is

I feel like I'm going mad by still being upset about this.

@Unfunnyjoke
Wow, what have I just read.

You are more than justified in feeling the way you do, even after all this time. Your brain can still not understand why he did such a cruel and calculating thing (by planning/telling relatives to ignore calls when desperate to get to your older child).
He cannot be understood by any normal human because his actions are that of a psychopath. Even more so 3 days after a traumatic birth while sleep deprived and breastfeeding.

My advice would be to seek therapy of some kind to unpick and put this thing to bed.
This is completely on him and not the actions of a kind and loving new father.
You have done nothing wrong x

Genuinely feeling emotional reading about what you went through. I have 2 kids as well and I remember in the early days of my 2nd feeling incredibly protective and anxious about the safety of both of them. I can’t imagine if someone had played that “trick” on me.

I saw in your latest post that you referred to PTSD and I was going to suggest that if you do seek counselling (and I think that you should-someone referred to giving traumatic things light in a PP and that’s what counselling can do) I would look for someone who specialises in PTSD.

You’ve shown yourself to be an incredibly resilient woman (and by the sounds of it, you’re raising strong women!) but you deserve to have someone listen to your story and help you work through the trauma(s) you’ve been through.

So glad that you used this forum to tell your story and you’re getting so much support from other women and that you’re feeling that support-you’re not alone!

No decent human finds humour in orchestrating predictable trauma-based response from someone. The fact this was done to you be someone you should have been able to trust was horribly cruel. And for him to have done this at your most vulnerable and involved your family is pure fucking evil.

This was no joke. And you are not stupid. I'm so glad he is your ex and you did not accept the unacceptable ❤️

It all looked so realistic, it had all the BBC news banners, an official sounding reporter, the rolling text across the screen etc, video footage of troops and bombs going off.

I tried to watch it again a couple of years ago to see if that's what I needed to do to get over it, and even knowing it was fake then, it still looked pretty realistic.

He sat there pretending he was scared too, said he was messaging his mum, and really played the part that he was feeling the same way I was.

He knew I wasn't with my beautiful son at the very end (his organs were donated) and he knew that it was something I felt very deeply about as well.

I'm so sorry that this type of thing has happened to some of you as well. Nobody deserves to feel this way.

How awfully cruel, I cannot imagine the fear that griped you, you felt that genuine fear and it was real. I’m not exaggerating that I believe that you could suffer PTSD from this.

Simon Mayo used to do confessions on R2.
A group of students had the bright idea of swapping a students 6th form room with a ground floor room.
They got the guy drunk, took him up and down in the lift and then in what he thought was his room they jokingly took his legs and arms and threw him out of the window knowing he would land safely on a mattress 5 feet below.
But the guy didn’t know.
He thought he was being thrown from a 6th floor window and he went into shock.
An ambulance was called and that poor student didn’t return.

I was horrified by your story and this poor guy too.
I often wonder if this guy that I don’t know is ok.

I’m so sorry that you experienced this, as well as other traumas. It was cruelty, especially as you were so vulnerable at the time.

Struggling to process it is because it was a deliberate act of cruelty rather than ‘just’ the bad shit that happens.

The equivalent in physical terms is someone deliberately hitting/hurting you compared to falling over or being kicked by a horse. The first might not hurt as much as the second but it haunts you far more.

Like a pp I’ve used distraction techniques to move my brain away from dwelling on painful experiences from an ex. I’m not sure it is healthy, but it does work.

Stop stop stop, your feelings are justified, it wasn’t 10 minutes five years ago, it was for you thinking your children were going to die, the same fear as if that was really happening, because to you it was.

I think you need some counselling, it was an awful event for you.

God what a cunt your ex is.

I have thought about counselling before, but I do feel a bit daft.

Of all the things that have happened to me, seeking help for something that wasn't a real event seems like I'm being really dramatic.

@Unfunnyjoke if it helps at all, I'm a trauma therapist - have been for 15 years. I absolutely think this is a real and valid trauma.

To you this was a real event, you feared your children were going to die, it doesn’t matter what else you’ve coped with. You’d lost a child and thought you were going to lose more.

You are downplaying this and you really don’t need to.

It is perfectly possible to have PTSD from this kind of thing.

Oh OP- You endured so much pain with the loss of your son, and this awful man basically tortured you with footage and he must have planned it.

I'm so glad you had the courage and fortitude ⭐️ to make this vile scrote an 'Ex'.

I hope you are in a safer place emotionally now.

Your story has clearly touched a lot of hearts on here- and everyone thinks what that ex did was absolutely cruel and unacceptable.

As one poster said..It is actually a torture method to make people think that they are going to imminently die.

It was a real event at the time.
The trauma you went through was real because you believed the event to be true.

My god. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Psychological torture. Please don’t feel your reaction was over the top. What a bastard.

Evil, twisted fuck to do this to you.

You know that technique he used on you is employed in some forms of torture, right? The torturers make you think your loved ones are dead/in some kind of danger? He's a f*cking psychopath.

You, on the other, hand, sound truly amazing for what you've survived and how well you've brought up your kids. And any good (or even half decent) counsellor will absolutely regard this as genuine trauma.

Thank you for having the courage to share here, and please do ask about getting help via therapy so you can move on.

He planned it. He messaged your family and told them to ignore you! That's psychotic, properly deranged behaviour, not even a half-baked spontaneous dumb idea.

No wonder you're traumatised, not just from that, but I'll bet he did millions of small things too and that was just the tip of a large iceberg.

Please look into therapy

This is all on him.
Your reaction was normal and human - the terror of not being with all your children at that awful moment.

His act was inhumane - he not only searched and found something that he knew would be deeply distressing but also used it knowing your history and with a good idea of how you would react. Not only that, he put it on after waking you up when he knew you would be disorientated.

His behaviour was not a practical joke. It was deeply weird, sadistic and showed him up for the tiny, unpleasant person that he is.

Well done for leaving this creep. He never did deserve you and the fact that he couldn’t then and can’t now succeed in gaslighting you into thinking it was all ‘bants’ is a credit to you. You sound an amazingly strong person so don’t ever feel that his act of emotional abuse should be something you can just shrug off. But you can help process the distress by laying the blame where it should be which is with him - he sounds like a walking ptsd virus in human form.

Gosh OP I'm not surprised you are scarred by that, it's a shocking thing to do to anyone, let alone a nursing mum.

One of the reasons you may have problems processing this is to do with how it happened. If you someone beats you or argues with you there is usually an escalating situation that you brain is very aware of. It goes into flight/fight mode but it's not a total surprise. With this it was all so unexpected - you were on the sofa, with your child, all normal then this literally hit you like a bolt out the blue. Another reason that makes it harder is you were panicking about your children, not so much yourself. I am pleased that writing and reading about it is helping you.

Jesus what an absolute C word 🤬🤬🤬that is unforgivable. That's absolutely disgusting. I'm so sorry that happened to you 😢

How could he think that was funny ? It sounds traumatic and that's probably why the memory still recurs now. I am very glad he is your ex. It was completely cruel, and then to watch you stressing out not being able to get a reply on the telephone - there are no words....

I don’t say this lightly, but he is evil and deserves a truly horrible end.

@Unfunnyjoke
I just googled these 'Pranks'..and a family thought it would be funny to play one on their poor father.

What was so sad, he said ''At least I'm with people I love''

His face shows extreme anxiety.

What possess people to do stuff like this?

You are far from alone in being freaked out by these cruel {and incredibly realistic} videos.

This is fucking awful! I actually can't imagine your distress!!