To think its pretty poor form, childs party

[Legaldrama]

I'm on the WhatsApp group for ds's nursery class, 16 children. There's been a party today for one of the children that it seems only ds wasn't invited to. The mothers are all sending thanks for a great party etc.

Ds is a sweet boy and plays nicely with the other dc according to his teacher, they run up and hug in thr morning etc, I can't see any reason why he's not been invited.

It stings that they are using the group to share thanks, when ds wasn't invited, surely its more discreet to send individual messages, as the invite wasn't sent on the WhatsApp. I know not all dc can be invited to everything, but to exclude just one seems so mean.

I would have to say something to be honest, privately to the mum. I wouldn't be nasty about it but I would ask. If she was quite happy to deliberately exclude your child, she should be quite comfortable in explaining to you the reasons why.

Do not give it a second thought OP. Let it wash over you and even when it is your child's birthday do not make it worse by reciprocating. It's not worth the bother.
Stuff like this happens all the time when you have children. Things get lost - personal property at school disappears and you see another child wearing your child's jumper/coat/carrying your childs toy.. parent insists it is theirs.. it is endless... invites get lost or even deliberately not given.
You can really get overinvested in stuff that does not affect your child in any way. Rise above it all and remain serene.
Sometimes the parents are far more childish than their offspring !

Do you not think it was most likely a mistake?

Generally it is bad form to go on about a party in a class what's app party and that's happened to me - and I didn't find it a nice carry on.

However if it's one kid out of a whole small class it could very well have been a lost invite or a mistake

Some of the advice on here is terrible! God no to texting mums, pass agg saying WELL I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT and the talk of king makers is quite bonkers!

God NO!

I think the number of people here who have immediately jumped to taking offence is a sign of why so many people struggle socially now! I’m still betting it was a mistake or forgotten or carelessness rather than active nastiness!!

Did all the other 15 parents reply saying thanks? If not I doubt it’s just your little one that didn’t go.
If they have all replied I’d just send a message saying “didn’t know it was x’s birthday. Hope they had a lovely time!” just to make it clear that they weren’t invited rather than couldn’t make it. But that’s probably quite petty!

I agree. I also bet that every single other parent didn't reply. It may have only been 6 or 8 invited.

Most people are not trying to upset people. My 8 year old has a party coming up with a limit of 8 and it's bloody hard not offending people.

Maybe the mother is thinking that the OP is rude for not responding to the RSVP.

I’d turn the questioning back to you and ask you to explain why should I have to justify my child’s guest list to you?

Kids parties can be a minefield.
We had a Ukrainian mum and Y1 child living with us. Child was invited to whole class party at a very low key attraction (think playground with £2 entry fee). Tables set up with party food and drinks, most parents stayed. Anyway, Ukrainian mum came home offended by how bad the party was. Apparently in Ukraine no way would this pass as a party. No children's entertainers, no entertainment for the adults, nothing. I do wonder how she would have felt if her child hadn't been invited, especially knowing what the party would be like.

What sort of mistake?

Forgotten/lost invitation?
First year of school the parents don't know all the kids. Easy to forget someone. Esp if no reason to exclude only you?

Thought of this thread at work yesterday- a girl wrote a list of the people she would invite to her made up party (birthday in November). She wrote about 5 names down, out of a class of 28. One kid starting crying and throwing a tantrum because his name wasn’t on the list - for a fictional party! Apparently his mum says you have to invite everybody in the class to your party or you are not a nice person. They are Reception - his mum may think differently by Y1!

I've really thought about doing this for my youngest child as that what's app group is ridiculous! Parents put on pictures of themselves on nights out, what they are doing on a weekend etc etc. I'm hoping they will chill out as the kids get older. Would leave group but that's the way the party invites get given out and I'd hate my child to miss out.

its a very small village, only 12 kids in class. We all knew/know each other. We all had/have each others phone numbers, saw each other on school run etc. I’ve wondered if there was a possibility a paper invite got lost, and she never chased it up, somehow I missed all the school gate chat about the upcoming party. Maybe she has spent all these years thinking I was rude and didn’t RSVP or attend. But it’s quite unlikely in my opinion. There have been occasions since when she’s excluded me, so I’m leaning towards her taking a dislike to me. But maybe that’s because she thought I snubbed her child’s party!

I'm so sorry. I get why you're upset. 💐

People will absolutely leave 1 child out on purpose.
It happened to mine when she was at primary school, and it was (mostly) more the parents than their dc.
My dc has Aspergers and whilst extremely polite and quiet she was just that bit different to others.

A few mums acted as though it was catching and didn't allow their dc to play with her and she was excluded from most parties bc they were the popular mums who most wouldn't go against.

She was often the only one out of a class of 30 not to get an invite, and this was when the teacher would hand them out in class so it was always obvious to her she was the only one not invited (the dc would often say they weren't allowed to invite her).

She was bullied there after the 1st one or two years, and I'm sure it was partly due to the adults' behaviour. Then she wasn't invited because they didn't like her, but she would never do the same back and would always insist on inviting everyone as "it was unkind not to".

Because i've been on this earth for 46 years and I know when someone wants you at their party, they'll ask. If not, then you know you're not liked. It's as simple as that. This other mother had no trouble inviting all the other mother's kids. But not hers? Come on...

I just wanted to say too, don't make the mistake I made of thinking what those other parents think about you or your family is important or matters. It's doesn't. 💖