To think its pretty poor form, childs party

[Legaldrama]

I'm on the WhatsApp group for ds's nursery class, 16 children. There's been a party today for one of the children that it seems only ds wasn't invited to. The mothers are all sending thanks for a great party etc.

Ds is a sweet boy and plays nicely with the other dc according to his teacher, they run up and hug in thr morning etc, I can't see any reason why he's not been invited.

It stings that they are using the group to share thanks, when ds wasn't invited, surely its more discreet to send individual messages, as the invite wasn't sent on the WhatsApp. I know not all dc can be invited to everything, but to exclude just one seems so mean.

Only on MN lol
Land of socially inept hermits 😂

My dd loved her parties and got very excited. I would never deprive my child because of others’ feelings. We did a class party for reception and thereafter dd chose. We invited few enough from the class for it not to feel that someone was excluded.

Everytime we've held a party for one of ours, at least one person has approached me in the school playground afterwards to say they found the invite at the bottom of their kid's schoolbag the day/week after the party! Often I don't have that person's phone no. so i've not been able to chase them for a reply.

Not saying that's definitely what happened here, but it's a possiblity.

I enjoy making people uncomfortable by being ‘jolly decent’ if they’ve not behaved all that well. Leaving out one child would come under that bracket.

“Oh did so-and-so have a birthday party? I hope you all had a lovely time.’

Everyone then knows your son wasn’t invited, and likely will see he was the only one. Daft parents thanking on the main group will feel bad but hey, collateral damage, and you’ve been nice about it. You’ve just let it be known you now know the score.

How is it helpful, let alone empathetic, to encourage the OP to think her child has been rejected?

Luckily the OP is not going along with this line of thinking, and is choosing sanity.

Good for her, because I can pretty much guarantee her child hasn’t been excluded/rejected - and I think it’s pretty unkind to encourage her to go down that path.

Very sensible update Op.
I wouldn’t give it another thought.

@Snugglemonkey

I fail to see the awful behaviour.

If my child was excluded at that age it wouldn't bother them one bit, it may sting me but after a while I would get over it, I would not hold the parent/child accountable for MY FEELINGS/REACTION, even now that they're older, my kids are aware that they maybe excluded (and they have been) from things and that is ok. The birthday child may not get along with her child, there could be reasons or there may not.

It's not rude. People have a choice, it's not healthy to people please. It's important to teach that at a young age.

@CrazyArmadilloLady I did not encourage her to go along with anything, maybe re-read my comment? Instead I acknowledged what she was feeling in the moment. OP has since come to her own conclusion. I didn't encourage her to feel that her child is rejected. I actually stated a fact of what feelings exclusion can present. But sure, what use is it being empathetic with people, hey? 😂

We had one and it was really handy. Organising teacher gifts, birthday parties, playdates etc. Children would have missed out if their parent was not on it.

Eurgh, this is super rude. It would be different if she’d only invited a few children but to invite all except yours is just weird. I’d have to respond saying you didn’t realise it was her DC’s birthday, glad they had a great party and happy belated birthday. See what happens.

TBH I would have probably sent the message a PP suggested saying 'sorry to have missed it, must have missed the invite!' solely because I have missed a few invites I've later found at the bottom of bags or whatever, and feel bad it looks like I haven't bothered to let them know we wouldn't be there! However my lack of organisational skills are a running joke in our mum's circle 😂

Really don't send any pass agg messages. It looks desperate but also flags to everyone else that there's a drama. Next thing they are all pondering what's wrong with ds, you, why it's happened. You'll make yourself appear ostracized.

It's only a party. The kids are young. It's almost certainly an oversight or a cockup rather than deliberate.

If it was deliberate then it can only be something you don't want to hear, eg:

DS is v quiet and not known to anyone

DS is not seen as part of that particular group

DS was momentarily disliked for some random "4 year old" reason. It's not a lifelong stigma. I remember being mortified when my kids didn't want to invite someone who they thought had said something mean. Or had not included them in something. Yuk.

It's most likely that the mum is oblivious.

If it keeps happening, then that's an awkward topic. You can either make a big deal or accept as just life. If you make a thing of it, D's will think it's a big deal. If you brush it off, he will.

Might be that invite got lost somewhere. Same happened when I sent invites to whole class in nursery for my daughter’s birthday. Came to know only after 2 years. One of the mum had become my friend by then and it came out during another discussion. She thought she wasn’t invited but I had sent and apparently either the school or the child had misplaced it. We didn’t have what’s app group at that time though. Now we always send the invite in what’s group to avoid this kind of mishap.

I’d be included to point out how rude it is to use the group chat to discuss the party when one child wasn’t invited to the party.

I wouldn't get too worked up about it - it's possible your son was invited but you missed the paper invitation or it's equally possible he wasn't invited because either there was a limit on numbers or the birthday child doesn't get along as well with your son as you think. Not everyone gets invited to every party and that's fine.

I really do expect it got lost or she just accidentally forgot him unfortunately.

I have completely missed invites that got lost at the bottom of the bag or didn't get retrieved from the tray until the end of term.

My youngest is in reception now but for his last birthday, I asked him who was in his class because I couldn't remember the kids' names. He gave me a list of everyone, supposedly, but accidentally forgot two...because he's 4 and honestly, if I can't remember them, how can he? We had to do 2 emergency invitations at the last minute for the forgotten ones. It wasn't intentional. It's just that it's not always easy organising parties for small children. So you're right, it's not really a big deal.

My children only invite their close friends.

I wouldn't be bothered at all. At least you didn't have to buy a present!

I would say “oops sorry did I miss the invite, it’s probably in ds school bag still, apologies “

I’d probably say - “I don’t think this group should be used in connection with parties unless everyone is invited.”

I'd give the benefit of the doubt and assume an error. She's probably been really stressed out arranging the party and not even thought to follow it up to see who was going. She may even think you are the rude one for not replying to her invite. Or she might be totally mortified that she forgot to invite you. Just possibilities. If everyone seems happy and ds is unaware I'd just forget about it and move on like you said.

I would quietly ask the Party Organiser. It could be they don't get on or there was only space for 15 or she didn't have your details etc. You won't know if you don't ask. I still think it's unlikely they invited more than ten, or really only five, unless they want permanent life trauma.

It stings that they are using the group to share thanks, when ds wasn't invited, surely its more discreet to send individual messages

But another parent probably wouldn't even realise that your child wasn't there. And even if it registered that they haven't seen legaldramajunior they wouldn't know it was because he wasnt invited.

My god dont send a message like this

It sounds needy and passive aggressive

DS doesn’t read the WhatsApp group, so he isn’t going to be upset by it. YOU seem upset. Try not to convey this to DS.

God, this thread is just going on and on like a four year old's bday party . OP, if you want to get to the bottom of it ask a mum friend from the class how the invites were distributed. Will clarify whether it's conspiracy or cock-up.

I think it is highly unlikely that 15 kids out of 16 were invited. Fewer kids, all the kids that go in on the same day as Johnny, all the kids the party mum is on speaking terms with.

So many negative assumptions on this thread.