To think its pretty poor form, childs party

[Legaldrama]

I'm on the WhatsApp group for ds's nursery class, 16 children. There's been a party today for one of the children that it seems only ds wasn't invited to. The mothers are all sending thanks for a great party etc.

Ds is a sweet boy and plays nicely with the other dc according to his teacher, they run up and hug in thr morning etc, I can't see any reason why he's not been invited.

It stings that they are using the group to share thanks, when ds wasn't invited, surely its more discreet to send individual messages, as the invite wasn't sent on the WhatsApp. I know not all dc can be invited to everything, but to exclude just one seems so mean.

Ime bowing out of such a group is liberating..
When I had dd's in years 5 and 6 at primary there was a Big Plan for year 6 leavers... The day after they started a Big Plan for the year 5's for the next July! In that first day there was 72 messages on What's App.
I left the chat. No way on this Earth I could have managed another 12 months of that.. School can be your Go To for school information op.
You won't regret it.

I'm baffled why you've leapt to the worst assumption op ?
Far more likely the invite went astray

Do this ^
(I really hope his name is Billy Bob 😆)

@Legaldrama just wanted to send you a hug 🥹. Am sure your DS is a lovely boy.

oh my god don’t do this!

If you MUST send a message just say “happy birthday to X, hope he had a great day”, but seriously what is the point?

The other parents won’t have clocked who was invited and who wasn’t.

Don’t do this. You’ll sound like a passive aggressive twat. The road to adulthood is full of not being invited to parties (and also being invited to parties), falling out with friends, and getting the wrong end of the stick. They’re perfectly entitled to invite whoever they want to a party, just as you are. If you act like this every time young Johnny is missed off a list you’re in for a tough 10 years.

I know this is tangential but what is a nursery WhatsApp group for?! My two kids are both in nursery and I can't think why I'd need to talk directly to other parents

Sounds like a lovely party. So sorry to have missed it, I must have missed the invite! Were they in the bags? Happy birthday to little xxxxx"

This ^ Perfect response.

Yes, don’t be like this. If your child is upset make sure you don’t invite this mother’s child next time. I know, very immature but that is d we hay I would do.

I am surprised how many people think it just have been a mistake. Everybody who has worked in nurseries or schools know that some children are singled out to be excluded by some parents.

I have noticed however, that at that age mums tend to invite kids whose mums they know so, if you have not been having a coffee after drop off or chatting with them at pick up that may be a reason.

I had this once. No invite. Then the mum was off with me. I couldn’t care to delve into it so ignored. As it turns out my child did have an invitation, who knows where it went, and she thought we’d just blown off her child’s party, not bothered to respond or comment etc. So, I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing or you could make a right tit of yourself.

It’s not just children’s parties either. Had the same happen with a wedding. Good friend unfortunately. Sent invite by post, someone took mail in, it got caught up. I, never receiving invite assumed I was not invited and everyone was shocked. I was really upset and stopped talking to bride. Meanwhile, bride pissed off I hadn’t bothered to respond or turn up to wedding and stopped talking to me. After a few years, I was cleaning up to move houses and invitation fell out of a pile of paperwork. Too late, we had already both done the big ‘fuck you’ at that point and hadn’t spoken for years. I wish we both hadn’t been such dicks about it.

This would really sting if intentional without reason.
Could you approach the mum and say that you are wondering if the children had some sort of falling out so you can address it as it's your understanding all the children except yours had been invited?

I think it was either that the paper invitation went missing or that it wasn’t the whole class except your child.
That they left your child out and didn’t mention it seems unlikely.

This

I think it’s unlikely too.
we’ve missed a few over the years - either paper ones in a bag, or DC wasn’t in that day, or an email went into spam or was blocked.

if they’ve sent a whole class what’s app unless your child is actually Damien and they’re being very passive aggressive, you’ve missed the invite.

Really? I think if she sent this it would make her look absolutely batshit.

It may have been a mistake - on party mum’s side or on OPs, or it may have been deliberate. Either way it’s happened and can’t be changed.

A lot of suggestions above sound really petty and as pp said if I saw a parent writing something like that it would make me think worse of them. It certainly wouldn’t make me rush to invite their DC to anything

May of missed the invite.
Dd sent hwr whole class one. The day they were handed out by teacher 2 dcs were off. The invites then ended under a pile of paperwork and were found after the party.
Those 2 dc were probably really sad
We don't have a what's app group and i dont see all the parents unfortunately

I think leave it. My friend received two really inappropriate messages (in my view) from parents whose child didn't get an invite to her child's bday (at home so limited space) and she felt so anxious, she finds pick up time hard now, she feels awkward going to anything social at the school - the challenging messages upset her more than any child who didn't go I think!

Do you speak to any of the school mum's?

Is there anyway you could ask subtly about the invite (to gage whether it was a paper invitation or done via group chat) as that would give a good indication if your invite was misplaced or if this was done deliberately.

Its certainly not unheard of for parents to invite all but 1 or two children from the whole class, so its not absolute that your child's invitation was misplaced or lost.

You've probably missed the invite.

It will be a mistake rather than a deliberate action.

Lots of people don’t respond to party invites. It’s a pain but you’d drive yourself bonkers chasing people up.

Please DO NOT send this. It’s needy, passive aggressive, and borderline batshit. Much better to send the Billy Bob one, it’s pleasant and innocuous but makes a point.

When my DS was 5 I invited his class to his party, on the morning of it about 15 cancelled.
So I did what any single young mother does. Went on my dating apps and invited about 10 single weekend Disney dad's. Thank fuck they showed up because loads other kids didn't.
Anyway, I was heartbroken for him but he had a great time and my DM got to treat it like she was speed dating on my behalf.
But a few parents were arsey with me the following Monday, until they came over to apologise within a few days they'd not checked their kids bags etc or their LO had been playing with their "cards" and lost them.
Please don't take it personal, it was most likely an error. ❤
And if you ever need to fill up a party, by all means, quickly register to OLD and get those Disney dads on the case!

Both of my DC have been excluded from parties this week. It is heartbreaking.
I also find it astonishingly rude given that the children in question had been to both my kids parties. To me it is basic manners to invite someone back if they've invited you to something. Also to leave just one or two kids out is cruel.
However I do agree that sometimes parents take it more personally than the kids. Im trying very hard not to show how upset I am for them

Oh that's bloody brilliant!

Genius!! I'm re registering with Bumble and Hinge as we speak!!

No, you just get your revenge when it's your son's birthday party, believe me, it's very satisfying lol!