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Original poster

To think its pretty poor form, childs party

219 replies

Legaldrama · 14/06/2023 20:38

I'm on the WhatsApp group for ds's nursery class, 16 children. There's been a party today for one of the children that it seems only ds wasn't invited to. The mothers are all sending thanks for a great party etc.

Ds is a sweet boy and plays nicely with the other dc according to his teacher, they run up and hug in thr morning etc, I can't see any reason why he's not been invited.

It stings that they are using the group to share thanks, when ds wasn't invited, surely its more discreet to send individual messages, as the invite wasn't sent on the WhatsApp. I know not all dc can be invited to everything, but to exclude just one seems so mean.

OP posts:
Kennykenkencat · 17/06/2023 08:38

Tbh at nursery age this isn’t necessarily about your child being liked or disliked, but more about you the parent and who the other parent likes or dislikes

Kennykenkencat · 17/06/2023 08:44

Carzo

There was one parent who really didn’t like me. I think because she heard my accent and immediately jumped to her own conclusions.

This parent once made a comment in front of me to the person who ran the nursery about turning the nursery into one exclusively for people of a certain ethnicity. You could see the shock when I agreed with her. I saw her look at me carefully and I saw the penny drop.

I would always invite everyone mainly because I liked to hear her squirm when she had to make the telephone call to let me know her child would not be attending.

She out of politeness would always invite Dd and I would be overly enthusiastic about her attending.
I treated it like a game.

TallerThanAverage · 17/06/2023 08:46

When they start school and their social life takes over every weekend you’ll be grateful not to be invited to a party just so you don’t have to worry about being a parent taxi, buying a gift, whether they overindulge, fall out with a friend and sort through the crap in the party bag before they choke trying to blow up the balloon.

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General education
Lemonyyy · 17/06/2023 08:54

Almost certainly lost a paper one! We’ve been on the receiving and giving end of that particular situation and it’s awfully awkward! My husband carefully drew a beautiful invite for our daughter’s party which he got printed and she gave out at school. We got about 2 rsvps and realised she’d just flung them at her friends without explaining so we had to chase up a load of parents 🤦‍♀️ Always do invites on WhatsApp now!!

I’d have a rummage in his bag/tray/pockets and then if you find it message the mum and say “oh such a shame we missed it, little Johnny would’ve loved to help your child celebrate, let’s have a play sometime instead”

Viviennemary · 17/06/2023 08:57

I think it would beu usual for one child to be left out. So as others have said check it out discreetly. It woukd be more likely for the invitation to have got lost.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 17/06/2023 09:04

FernGully43 · 14/06/2023 21:17

"oh I didn't know it was Billy Bob's birthday, hope he had a great party"
Or mute the chat

This is a good response.

Clarinet1 · 17/06/2023 09:06

Simonlebonbon · 14/06/2023 22:45

When my DS was 5 I invited his class to his party, on the morning of it about 15 cancelled.
So I did what any single young mother does. Went on my dating apps and invited about 10 single weekend Disney dad's. Thank fuck they showed up because loads other kids didn't.
Anyway, I was heartbroken for him but he had a great time and my DM got to treat it like she was speed dating on my behalf.
But a few parents were arsey with me the following Monday, until they came over to apologise within a few days they'd not checked their kids bags etc or their LO had been playing with their "cards" and lost them.
Please don't take it personal, it was most likely an error. ❤
And if you ever need to fill up a party, by all means, quickly register to OLD and get those Disney dads on the case!

What we have to know I is - did you meet the
love of your
life?

GettingStuffed · 17/06/2023 09:11

Was he friends with the child, something similar happened to me. My best friend had a party and I wasn't invited. In the middle of the afternoon my mum got a phone call along if she'd bring me to the party as my friend hadn't invited me because she didn't realise she had to invite her best friend too not just assume they'd be there .

Is it possible he's just been overlooked or off sick when the invitations were given out?

Qilin · 17/06/2023 09:13

ChateauMargaux · 14/06/2023 21:09

Why does everyone assume that it must have been a mistake - it will have been painfully obvious at the party that mini legal was not there.. why should legal be all 'bright and breezy'...

Legal - you have a right to feel hurt, angry, upset.. I have no answers.. but sending you a hug.

I would assume mistake as, ime, generally people don't deliberately miss out just one child in a class/group, without a very good (to them) reason.

I'd also initially assume a mistake because, after years of teaching in a primary school, I have found so many dropped invitations, or ones left accidentally crumpled in a drawer or bottom of a book bag, etc.

Original poster
Legaldrama · 17/06/2023 09:13

So I made some enquiries, and the invites were handed out at the end of nursery, and my boy didn't get given one. I asked a Mum friend, who is very discreet.

The family doing the party have some social issues that I wasn't aware of, and to be honest their problems are much bigger than mine, so I'm not going to give it another thought.

Lesson learnt though not to allow myself to jump to conclusions and become upset about such daft things.

OP posts:
commonsense61 · 17/06/2023 09:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 17/06/2023 09:30

Legaldrama · 17/06/2023 09:13

So I made some enquiries, and the invites were handed out at the end of nursery, and my boy didn't get given one. I asked a Mum friend, who is very discreet.

The family doing the party have some social issues that I wasn't aware of, and to be honest their problems are much bigger than mine, so I'm not going to give it another thought.

Lesson learnt though not to allow myself to jump to conclusions and become upset about such daft things.

Are you 100% sure every other child was invited. Did every single parent reply to the WhatsApp group?

Simonlebonbon · 17/06/2023 09:36

Clarinet1 · 17/06/2023 09:06

What we have to know I is - did you meet the
love of your
life?

Show quote history

Didn't even meet a one night stand 😂😂😂

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 17/06/2023 09:40

TA here , and parent to two children now in secondary school

leave the group

they are the Bain of our lives . Personally and professionally.

you will be much happier 100%

and as you have pointed out , things get sorted outside of this chat anyway

Quitelikeacatslife · 17/06/2023 09:55

Simonlebonbon · 14/06/2023 22:45

When my DS was 5 I invited his class to his party, on the morning of it about 15 cancelled.
So I did what any single young mother does. Went on my dating apps and invited about 10 single weekend Disney dad's. Thank fuck they showed up because loads other kids didn't.
Anyway, I was heartbroken for him but he had a great time and my DM got to treat it like she was speed dating on my behalf.
But a few parents were arsey with me the following Monday, until they came over to apologise within a few days they'd not checked their kids bags etc or their LO had been playing with their "cards" and lost them.
Please don't take it personal, it was most likely an error. ❤
And if you ever need to fill up a party, by all means, quickly register to OLD and get those Disney dads on the case!

Were any of them fit though?

Snugglemonkey · 17/06/2023 10:02

Primrosefrill · 15/06/2023 03:09

I literally always check for the very reason that sending a bit of paper home with your kid is 50/50 as to whether it will be received. Can't believe other people don't. How do you know for numbers etc?

Plus I think not RSVP'ing is very rude so if they just haven't bothered to reply, I want to know for future ref.

Show quote history

We do not just send pieces of paper. We have a class WhatsApp.

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 17/06/2023 10:12

This happened to my autistic DC at her nursery. Why does everyone assume it's a mistake? I think if people aren't on the recieving end of this kind of sociopathic shit they prefer to think it does not happen. My DD absolutely did notice and was very upset, although it took a while for that to come out.

OP, I think the other mums on the WhatsApp group might not be aware your child was excluded.

Even if we go with the most generous interpretation of the invite being missed, why shouldn't OP respond on the group chat: oh, I didn't get DC invite, was it given out at nursery on a day he was ill/ not in? If it really was a mistake this will clear it up....if not, it will let the perpetrator know you won't let these things pass uncommented.

ODFODeary · 17/06/2023 10:27

you sound too sensible to be on MN @Legaldrama Grin

ReadingSoManyThreads · 17/06/2023 10:33

@OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne "if not, it will let the perpetrator know you won't let these things pass uncommented."

Are you for real? Do you know the meaning of the word perpetrator? It is up to the birthday child and their parents to choose who they invite to a party that they are hosting and paying for. Inviting a select group is entirely their choice and is not an act of committing an offence or a crime.

How dare you suggest that the parents of the birthday child should be warned that the OP "won't let these things pass uncommented". You sound utterly deranged and entitled.

JusthereforXmas · 17/06/2023 10:42

Every year we host whole class parties, always have... one year another mother came up to accusingly ask why I hadn't invited 'Keira' and what they 'had done' to not be invited when everyone else was and how 'devastated' she was.

'Kiera' WAS invited, she had attended every party for 5 years and theres was no reason we wouldn't invite her, Kiera had simply lost her invitation and everyone jumped to conclusions that for some bizarre reason I would exclude a 9 year old friend of DC for no reason.

Honestly its shitty to have people assume the worst about you when its not even logical.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 17/06/2023 10:44

I would go on chat and say thanks for leaving my kid out and the tell them to go fuck themselves , delete the app

Birdeegirl · 17/06/2023 10:57

Awful. I'd see this as more of a personal attack towards myself rather than my child. They obviously don't like you. I think it's just pathetic. I'd want to change schools/nurseries if this was me.. actually it has been me at some points and the other mums are vile. They get jealous and they get clicky but is that a group you want to be in.. or your child to be in. Personally I wouldn't

TallerThanAverage · 17/06/2023 11:01

Birdeegirl · 17/06/2023 10:57

Awful. I'd see this as more of a personal attack towards myself rather than my child. They obviously don't like you. I think it's just pathetic. I'd want to change schools/nurseries if this was me.. actually it has been me at some points and the other mums are vile. They get jealous and they get clicky but is that a group you want to be in.. or your child to be in. Personally I wouldn't

They obviously don't like you.

how on earth did you get to this conclusion?

Crazydonkeylady · 17/06/2023 11:07

I’d be upset too and to be honest I’d passively aggressively comment something like: “I had no idea it was —— birthday today. I hope he had a great time celebrating.” Makes it known you are now aware there was a party your child wasn’t invited to and gives the parent the opportunity to reflect how that felt for the one left out and his family or to explain if there has been a mistake / stray invite. I once had similar situation when as always I invited the whole nursery class but one girl had been away ill. I had no idea that when she returned her invite had not been passed on (the process was to leave such things in a tray in the nursery). I felt so bad when I found out that she had not been invited effectively. I brought her party bag and cake in to apologise and invited her for a play date to make up for it as best I could.

Hairfriar · 17/06/2023 11:14

This happened to my child in the first year of school - class of 12 and my child was the only one not invited to one of the kids birthday parties. I found out when the mum plastered photos of the other 11 at the party all over social media. 10 years on and I’ve still never forgiven her, or asked her about it 😩. Yes, I know I need to let it go now.