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Original poster

To think its pretty poor form, childs party

219 replies

Legaldrama · 14/06/2023 20:38

I'm on the WhatsApp group for ds's nursery class, 16 children. There's been a party today for one of the children that it seems only ds wasn't invited to. The mothers are all sending thanks for a great party etc.

Ds is a sweet boy and plays nicely with the other dc according to his teacher, they run up and hug in thr morning etc, I can't see any reason why he's not been invited.

It stings that they are using the group to share thanks, when ds wasn't invited, surely its more discreet to send individual messages, as the invite wasn't sent on the WhatsApp. I know not all dc can be invited to everything, but to exclude just one seems so mean.

OP posts:
Billi80 · 14/06/2023 22:55

I recently set up a WhatsApp group for DDs party and forgot to include 2 of her friends parents . It happens. We’re busy. It’s not a big deal as nursery friends don’t tend to stick around. But I’d also be gutted. Sure you’ll feel better in a week or two OP

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 14/06/2023 22:57

I'd have thought your invite went missing....easily done!

notacooldad · 14/06/2023 22:59

Even if she had sent invite but it was lost, she’s rude for not checking with you.
No she's not.

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General education
Simonlebonbon · 14/06/2023 23:00

ArgosKettle · 14/06/2023 22:49

Oh that's bloody brilliant!

Genius!! I'm re registering with Bumble and Hinge as we speak!!

Show quote history

Honestly, they bought the best presents!
One bought a really expensive transformer and another a big lego set, I've passed both down to his younger siblings 😂

And not a single one had a clue the others weren't just school dads, it was probably the smartest thing I've ever done. Actually, I'm not the brightest, definitely the smartest thing I've ever done!

10/10 reccomend

notacooldad · 14/06/2023 23:01

No, you just get your revenge when it's your son's birthday party, believe me, it's very satisfying lol!
Wtf! It's extremely satisfying to leave a child out that has no involvement with mum politics.
So you think your child felt shit, I'll make a child feel shit.
Great job!

fairywhale · 14/06/2023 23:03

Crass

Museya15 · 14/06/2023 23:05

notacooldad · 14/06/2023 23:01

No, you just get your revenge when it's your son's birthday party, believe me, it's very satisfying lol!
Wtf! It's extremely satisfying to leave a child out that has no involvement with mum politics.
So you think your child felt shit, I'll make a child feel shit.
Great job!

Yep, absolutely tough titties!

ShandaLear · 14/06/2023 23:06

greenstrawberry · 14/06/2023 21:45

I think id be tempted to just "like" a couple of the messages about the party, maybe the main mum and some of thr replies. Simple, not ott and makes it clear you've noted the contents

Why would you bother? She’s not going to second guess you and feel bad (assuming that’s what you want her to feel). She just going to think you liked her posts, and that would be weird, because you don’t.

NerrSnerr · 14/06/2023 23:12

Toffeebythesea · 14/06/2023 22:46

Both of my DC have been excluded from parties this week. It is heartbreaking.
I also find it astonishingly rude given that the children in question had been to both my kids parties. To me it is basic manners to invite someone back if they've invited you to something. Also to leave just one or two kids out is cruel.
However I do agree that sometimes parents take it more personally than the kids. Im trying very hard not to show how upset I am for them

It's hard to always invite everyone back who has invited you. If Jasmine has a whole class party so invited Liz even though they are not really friends should Liz invite Jasmine to hers even though she's it's at a bowling alley and she's allowed to invite up to 8 friends?

Toffeebythesea · 14/06/2023 23:23

@NerrSnerr
Those were not the circumstances with my own DC. One of them had there party last weekend. Invited best friend at nursery ( play together all the time) who turned up without a gift or a card. Today I see the mum handing out invites and my DC not invited.
Other DC is neurodiverse and never gets invited to any parties. They are usually fairly oblivious to this but this week a child who they considered a good friend took it upon themselves to hand out invites in front of my DC and said to them directly your not invited.
Regardless I always invite children back if my DC have been invited to their party. I think it is very rude not to

JupiterFortified · 14/06/2023 23:35

Please don’t send some weird passive aggressive message. Just ignore the party posts and move on.

If I was the mum who’d organised the party and got a random message from you asking what happened to your son’s invite I’d cringe on your behalf.

Whatser · 14/06/2023 23:46

It's more than likely that the invite went astray, if you post something like 'oh I must have missed the invite' then you will come across as passive aggressive, plus you will make the other mum feel bad for something that isn't her fault (assuming that the invite did get lost).

I sent invites in for all of DDs class last year, treble checked everyone's name against a list, and then got a call from the school a few days later to say that they had noticed I hadn't included an invite for one particular child, when I 100% did, and handed the bundle straight to the teacher 🤷 Thankfully the teacher noticed in time for me to write a new invite.

Another time, DD came out of school with a party invite from a classmate that had someone else's party invite stuck to the back of it.

These things happen.

UsingChangeofName · 14/06/2023 23:47

It's nursery. I doubt your child will be aware or bothered. Don't make it into a bigger thing than you need to.

This ^

Don't send any of the passive aggressive messages suggested here. You will look completely unhinged.

grumpycow1 · 14/06/2023 23:49

Puckthemagicdragon · 14/06/2023 21:27

"Sounds like a lovely party. So sorry to have missed it, I must have missed the invite! Were they in the bags? Happy birthday to little xxxxx"

Chef’s kiss! Please send this and tell us the reply op!

Psalmbodytolove · 14/06/2023 23:55

Simonlebonbon · 14/06/2023 22:45

When my DS was 5 I invited his class to his party, on the morning of it about 15 cancelled.
So I did what any single young mother does. Went on my dating apps and invited about 10 single weekend Disney dad's. Thank fuck they showed up because loads other kids didn't.
Anyway, I was heartbroken for him but he had a great time and my DM got to treat it like she was speed dating on my behalf.
But a few parents were arsey with me the following Monday, until they came over to apologise within a few days they'd not checked their kids bags etc or their LO had been playing with their "cards" and lost them.
Please don't take it personal, it was most likely an error. ❤
And if you ever need to fill up a party, by all means, quickly register to OLD and get those Disney dads on the case!

I love this so much 😂

Lindtnotlint · 14/06/2023 23:55

If they really invited ALL the other kids then unless you already know there is a reason your son was not invited (like he bites or whatever) then for 100 per cent sure this was a mistake. In a nursery context to invite 15/16 is honestly beyond normal, and usually only happens because of (hideous, awful) non-inclusive behaviours around neurodiverse kids. Assume the invite got lost, and move on.

Mari9999 · 15/06/2023 00:09

OP, I would make no assumptions as to who was and who was not invited. I would not assume that any of the other parents had any prior knowledge regarding the guest list, and I would assume that it was quite possible that your son's invitation was !let in transit.

If your son seems happy and the teachers do not report any socialization problems, I would not give this a second thought.

This is nursery school. This is not charting or determining his social calendar for the rest of his life.
If you make no mention of this to him, he probably won't know or care.

I wouldn't mention this to any of the teachers. or the other mothers. It is not a major issue, and you do not want to be labeled as "that mother."

Shhhquirrel · 15/06/2023 00:22

SweetSakura · 14/06/2023 20:53

You might have just missed the invite for some reason?

this

Sarahtm35 · 15/06/2023 00:58

Yes its mean but that’s the way of the world now with everyone on Facebook and insisting on these bloody WhatsApp groups. Im So glad my kids grew up before the group chat phase or else I would refused point blank to join any.
If were me I’d be asking why my child wasn’t invited. I know us brits don’t speak out but the way I see it, is that these people will continue with their shtty behaviour for as long as nobody speaks up about it. If you mention it, they might take a cold hard look in the mirror and say to themselves ‘I’m a dck’ and won’t do it again.

Littlelighthouse · 15/06/2023 01:02

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I hope your little one is blissfully unaware. How incredibly unfair. I would be angry and hurt on behalf of my child too if this happened. Exclusion creates feelings of rejection, and as parents who want the absolute best for our children the thought of them being rejected is painful.
I'm so sorry this happened xx

Snugglemonkey · 15/06/2023 01:06

Primrosefrill · 14/06/2023 21:11

Rude.

Even if she had sent invite but it was lost, she’s rude for not checking with you. I would private message her personally, but I would just have to make my point or at least find out why not invited.

Ah now, not inviting is rude, but I don't check. I have not had anyone check either. Definitely here, checking is not a thing.

Lonelycats · 15/06/2023 01:14

Is there any chance the mother of the birthday child made a mistake and forgot to include your son? I did that once, just awful, I still have no idea how I managed to miss one child out when I sent the invites… I have no excuse. We tried our best to make it up to them with a play date and about 100 apologies but it was pretty awful of me.

Lonelycats · 15/06/2023 01:17

I’m convinced it was a mistake on their part, there is simply no way they would be discussing this on your class chat if your son was purposefully excluded

Yfory · 15/06/2023 01:29

Isnt it likely that the invites were sent home in their book bags and somehow your sons got lost?

Snugglemonkey · 15/06/2023 01:41

Pinkbasketcase · 14/06/2023 21:23

A different view, sorry. Yes, it is may feel rude. But that's your feeling not your childs. They're probably unbothered by it. Even if he is the only one that wasn't invited. The person throwing the party can invite anyone they wish too.

This person is not responsible for your feelings towards not getting an invite. Your response is your own. Responding in way that's equal rude is petty snf childish.

Maybe she just didn't want your child there (harsh I know). But not every child needs to or will be included. Resilience is a strength. As your child gets older they will develop their own group of friends who will include them.

Wow!
For a nursery class? Really?

It is fucking awful behaviour to exclude any child!