Insistent MIL - how do I tell her no?

[Mursul]

Hi!

I am pregnant with my second baby, I live in England and my in-laws in Scotland. My MIL has constantly been insisting, before I even got pregnant and back when I was pregnant with baby 1, that I come to hers a couple of weeks before birth and stay at hers until the baby is one month old. I said no thank you, but she keeps insisting and insisting, every time she sees me, everytime she calls me, especially when my husband is not around, she will ask me to give birth and stay at hers.

So that she can "provide support", and that they can all "bond with the baby".

She even told me that her husband had insulted her, mocked and verbally abused her when I said no.

She will say things like "I am asking nicely" to make me feel bad and it's just really getting to me.

I just want to give birth in the hospital near my home and stay in my house where I am most comfortable. If we go to hers it would also mean having to share a reconverted box room with a bunk bed between me, DH, DC1, and DC2. I also suspected they will use that as an excuse to have DC2 sleep with them.

She's also saying my mum doesn't need to bother to come as I "also have a mum in Scotland" and "not to disturb her".

Am I a massive b or am I right to say no?

How do I get my point across? DH tells her no but she will try and find any opportunity for when the two of us are alone to try and make me change my mind.

The MIL is coming from a cultural point of view where support is given to a new mum. What she is saying is exactly that. She is trying to control you. She wants what is best for her grandchildren as she feels that is her duty. A lot of mums these days when they give birth they don't have this support network and suffer from PND and a lot of other issues.
Take it as a positive OP. Let her look after your children whils you put your feet up for 40 days.

Don't snub this tradition. Of course you will go back to your own home after a few weeks when you have recovered.
You have said you will feel uncomfortable there because the space is tight. Perhaps you can mentioning to your MIL and if she really wants to support you she will make adequate room for your older two.
Take it as positive thing.

*isn't

Make sure you tell your midwife, get it logged on the records.make it clear to your hospital you don't want her given access when you do give birth. You do not want someone like this around when you are vulnerable.

I agree with this, she will do everything in her power to be present at the birth, being able to witness you at your most vulnerable exposed and helpless will be a big prize for her. If she can achieve this she will use it to subordinate you.

Have you read the bit where the whole family will need to share bunk beds in a box room and the older child will sleep in grandparents bed?

You have NO clue what the MIL is thinking! A caring loving MIL does NOT do what this nasty-azzed MIL is doing and has done.

You are either the MIL or some other relative.

I hope the OP runs for the hills away from that crazy, horrid, batshite crazy, dangerous family.

Erm, no. MIL is controlling and unhinged. Read OP's updates.
OP needs to get as far away from this family as possible.

You have to be direct. If they are Arabs then being direct is the only way it works. Trust me.

You can still be polite. Say that it isn't in your culture and your mother will be upset and refuses this to happen. Yes use your mum as a reason. Then say you will never do this as it's against your culture. But give something back e.g. say in month 3 or whenever you will stay for 1-2 weeks and you want her to spoil the children. This will be the time you will want date night and will want the break.

Good luck. 👍