Page 8 | Friend has caused huge offence in our friendship/hobby group?

CheesyOnion · 2023-06-04T16:13:07+00:00

He didn't mean to but what he said *was* hugely offensive. People were discussing the achiements of a woman who is a single mum, has a busy job and a child with severe disabilities, a teenager who has to be watched every minute. She is a amazing all round and especially in how hard she trains and what she achieves in the hobby. Anyway, this man who I don't think realised how offensive what he said was, although he really should have (a man in his 40s with children of his own) said something along the lines of "yes, I don't known how she does it and she handles her <very offensive word> daughter brilliantly too". It's a word that I heard a lot at school but hasn't been socially acceptable for several decades now. No one is ready to forgive him. Would you be?

Summerfun54321 · 04/06/2023 23:42

Samcro · 04/06/2023 18:16

Ffs
someone makes a disablist remark and some how they are the vict

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No one said his remark was OK or acceptable in anyway. But he apologised. The point of the thread is that the OP is questioning why this guy hasn't been forgiven weeks later. It's because it's very fashionable to be sanctimonious and offended to the point of bullying nowadays.

NatashaDancing · 05/06/2023 08:52

Summerfun54321 · 04/06/2023 23:42

No one said his remark was OK or acceptable in anyway. But he apologised. The point of the thread is that the OP is questioning why this guy hasn't been forgiven weeks later. It's because it's very fashionable to be sanctimonious and offended to the point of bullying nowadays.

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I think if you read all the OP's posts together the picture of why he's not being forgiven is a bit clearer.

Qilin · 05/06/2023 09:41

Its not bullshit. Scope only changed their name at the tail end of 1994. I was 9 at the time.

That's almost 30 years ago!
And the shortened version has never been acceptable. It's always been derogatory and/or used as an insult.

Rubyupbeat · 05/06/2023 10:13

He sounds like he's not nasty at all, just not mixed enough in the disabled world to realise there are terms that should not be used anymore. You have told him, so he knows now. Before 'scope' it was an acceptable word, so no doubt some people have not moved on.

Showersugar · 05/06/2023 16:11

Rubyupbeat · 05/06/2023 10:13

He sounds like he's not nasty at all, just not mixed enough in the disabled world to realise there are terms that should not be used anymore. You have told him, so he knows now. Before 'scope' it was an acceptable word, so no doubt some people have not moved on.

RTFT.

Sp*zz has never been an acceptable word.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/06/2023 01:47

mondaytosunday · 04/06/2023 17:55

I grew up in the US, and a very offensive racist word here (UK) but not there and I said it once - unfortunately to a person of that race (about something else). I had no idea. She of course told me and i of course apologised profusely and gave be et uttered the word since.
But I did not grow up where it was an offensive term. This man did. I'm 61, and the 's' term (and the 'r' word) WAS used regularly (even Rachel in Friends uses it's shortened form). But times change and one knows not to use it now (though still considered less offensive in the US).

Rachel in friends referred to herself as being a "laundry sp*z" or something similar and that episode was considered sufficiently offensive to be given a 12 rating

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/06/2023 01:49

mondaytosunday · 04/06/2023 17:55

I grew up in the US, and a very offensive racist word here (UK) but not there and I said it once - unfortunately to a person of that race (about something else). I had no idea. She of course told me and i of course apologised profusely and gave be et uttered the word since.
But I did not grow up where it was an offensive term. This man did. I'm 61, and the 's' term (and the 'r' word) WAS used regularly (even Rachel in Friends uses it's shortened form). But times change and one knows not to use it now (though still considered less offensive in the US).

Rachel referred to herself as a laundry S**z, this being sifficnetly offensive for that episode to merit a 12 classification

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/06/2023 01:50

Seems that by typing laundry S**z in full merits an auto deletion

Friend has caused huge offence in our friendship/hobby group?

echt · 06/06/2023 04:44

CheesyOnion · 04/06/2023 17:57

I think his apology was genuine in that he genuinely didn't mean to hurt anyone and is sorry/shocked that he did, but I don't think he fully understands why it was so offensive or believes that it is. I.e. if he changes his behaviour as a result it will be to avoid the fall out rather than because he now gets it iyswim.

Whether that's a measure of his stupidity or obstinance, I'm not sure.

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He's said he's sorry and now he has to have the right motivation for not repeating the offence? And all this is based on what you think he's thinking.

FFS.

LaMaG · 06/06/2023 06:34

Theladyinluna · 04/06/2023 17:41

I think if he didn't realise the word was offensive, and changes his use of the word in the future, then not moving on from this is ridiculous. Words change, if he didn't mean the derogation of the daughter that is now contained in the word, then he shouldn't be ostracised for it.

I find this age of no redemption much more appalling that people unintentionally causing offense.

Obviously if he did mean to be offensive or continues the use of a word that you have all made him aware is offensive then that is different.

This 100%. Yes it's offensive god knows how he didn't realise this but he knows now so move on.

FWIW I'm relatively new on MN and I was gobsmacked by the casual use of the c*nt, in my circles this is absolutely unacceptable but it doesn't raise an eyebrow here. Of course its not the same but just saying...