Wanting grandchildren

[Revoltingrhyme]

Saw a post before, just a silly meme about parents wanting grandkids and people getting cats instead and a woman had commented ‘I want a human grandchild’ and it made me fall down a rabbit hole of thoughts.

What actually is the appeal of actively wanting grandchildren? Is it that you get the bond with a child without any of the parenting responsibilities? Or seeing your kids continue the family tree?

but also is it not somewhat rude to want somebody else to reproduce for your own enjoyment when you already had your opportunity raising a child? Genuinely just curious about this.

Batshit crazy need.

Wouldn't dream of visiting my needs on my children.

But there are lots of weirdos around

I’ve heard many a time that having grandchildren is even better than having your own children! I would absolutely love the privilege one day of having human grandchildren (😂) but I’m not going to feel entitled to this. It’s up to my kids if they have any or not.

I don’t get it at all. I’d much rather have a cat.

I have 2 and no children. It’s fabulous and I highly recommend it.

Most of the grandmas that I know love having grandchildren because they get to play 'babies' without having the real mess and fuss of having 24 hours children. They can buy cute outfits without having to worry about them being vomited on and ruined, go out for walks pushing a pram without having to do it on only 2 hours of very broken sleep and cuddle a baby without worry about what to do with it when it wakes.

I had five kids and I feel that I fulfilled all my 'baby' needs with them. I'm, babied out. I've got grandchildren but at a distance, and I feel no need to have them for overnights or to endlessly be trying to persuade DIL to hand them over for a cuddle. Maybe I'll feel differently when and if my daughters reproduce.

I think grandchildren can be fun ( I don’t have any btw). My own mum was a much more chilled Grandmother than a mother. And I do love being an aunt.

But I do also think there’s a primal desire to see the continuation of the genes. My MIL was always looking for ‘herself’ in her grandchildren , looks or skills.

I agree that no-one ShOULD pressure their children to reproduce; my MIL was awful for this and not very empathetic to our ‘failure’ in that regard .

I can understand the desire for grandchildren and think it's normal to a) want your children to experience a rewarding part of life and b) see your genetic line continued. What makes it acceptable or not will depend on how much pressure you put on your children over it.

Surely it's the seeing your own children have the blessing of children of their own. Seeing life go full circle and watching your child step into life as a parent. Having a whole new little person in your life to love and adore and see your family grow.
I don't see it as a bad thing.
The phrasing of the comment on the meme is a bit clinical but there's also nothing wrong in hoping for a grandchild either.

I do not expect my children to be straight/get married/have kids etc as that’s up to them and who they are. Kids also, whilst lovely, nearly cost me my life, my health, our marriage etc and so I want my own children to be fully aware of the implications, I am not sure I’d have them if I had my time again ( definitely not 3). I want them to see it’s one of the myriad of possibilities for their life, and make the most of it.

I’ll just be sitting quietly in a comfy chair with a pot of tea (or doing the travelling I didn’t do when younger!)

I want to see my son be a father, to experience his joy at loving his own child. I would also like the blessing of adoring a little person who doesn't keep me awake all night, every night! I don't think it's unusual to want grandchildren anymore than it is to want children? It's fine not to want it but it's not weird to want it?

I'm not sure if any of my three DDs (all now in their twenties) will have children. I certainly won't be putting any pressure on in that respect either. I view it as completely their business and not mine.

Being a grandparent would obviously be nice, but having happy and fulfilled adult daughters (whether they become parents or not) is also great.

Just bear in mind that both your DIL and those grandchildren will notice if you do feel that way when your daughters have children.

My kids are kept at a bit of a distance by the in laws in complete contrast to their daughters children. It’s a bit hurtful but I dont think they even notice. It’s made more sad by the fact that my own mum has died so they are the only grandparents they have.

Yes, I feel that my parents in law have dropped my kids somewhat now that their daughters have had children 😔

Our children's adult relationship/family choices, when they get there, are fuck all to do with us.

Just as it was fuck all to do with our parents if/when we had kids.

This is true and I will try not to 'favourite'. To be honest, I don't like babies much at all and I certainly won't be doing childcare or anything. I see two of my daughters much more frequently than I see my sons (just geography), so I would probably see their children more just because they are closer. But I won't be doing more for them. But one daughter lives in Oz, one is gay and the remaining one is very undecided about children, so the situation may not arise anyway!

My DM wanted grandchildren to the point of being annoying, I always thought it was largely because all her friends had GC. By the time DH and I had been together 18 years she gave up. Then I had a baby at 37. My mother wept with joy and was a devoted grandmother and could join in the general boasting about GC.
I'm now the age she was when I had DC and wouldn't dream of nagging them. One DC wants a big family, the other not so keen. I hope they get what they want though I think I might feel sad if they chose not to have children. Not for my benefit, but because I think their lives would be so much less without children.

I think it's disgusting and unimaginably selfish to want your child to reproduce just so you can be a grandparent. Having children is a massive upheaval and obviously changes your life forever

I know my mum much prefers being Grandma to mum! All the fun and joy but no responsibility!

I think there is deep down a wish to continue the family line, it might not be rational exactly but for many people it's something they want, and yes I look forward to having grandkids in 10 years or so. If my DD's decide not to pro createi would never criticise them but there's nothing wrong with hoping they do when it is right for them. (One of mine has already sounded out potential child care!)

I've always had a burning desire for children, an extremely strong maternal instinct - but for me that doesn't extend to a desire for grandchildren. Don't get me wrong - I'm sure if my children have children I will love them. However, I really don't think I'd mind at all if they choose not to. I feel like I've scratched my maternal itch and that's enough.
My MIL is the opposite. I feel like her grandchildren are her reason for living.

I would love to have grandkids one day (kids are 2 and 4 months so not for a long time). What I wouldn't do is pressure my kids or make their life choices about me.

My MIL told me that my children (her only grandchildren) are her only reason for living. Made me feel a bit sick TBH. It was intended to emotionally blackmail me into taking them to see her more often.
It made me realise that while I would love to have grandchildren one day, it's very important that I am completely fulfilled without them.

It can be as painful as infertility, in some ways it is the inability to experience something that generally was a 100% given 60 yrs ago.
Heartache and in certain circles (say a mainly female workplace with similar aged colleagues) who regularly announce a new upcoming grandchild it’s painful.
Part of it is the genetic appeal, part is the opportunity to do better, and indeed wanting your children to experience something that gave you pride and joy.
Regardless of why, it’s real and no less so than being “broody”.

"Maybe I'll feel differently when and if my daughters reproduce".

I find this really sad.