Wanting grandchildren

[Revoltingrhyme]

Saw a post before, just a silly meme about parents wanting grandkids and people getting cats instead and a woman had commented ‘I want a human grandchild’ and it made me fall down a rabbit hole of thoughts.

What actually is the appeal of actively wanting grandchildren? Is it that you get the bond with a child without any of the parenting responsibilities? Or seeing your kids continue the family tree?

but also is it not somewhat rude to want somebody else to reproduce for your own enjoyment when you already had your opportunity raising a child? Genuinely just curious about this.

When my 3 were little, I'd say until they were around 10, it was just a blur of joyless stress and exhaustion and I didn't cope well at all as we had no support. I'm hoping with gc I could actually enjoy that time. That said I have no expectations at all but if it happens then it will be lovely.

I see grandparents out and about looking after their young grandkids and they seem to love it. I guess being able to hand them back at the end of the day helps.

I think you’re way off the mark with this one. Being as heartbroken as someone dealing with infertility because your child just hasn’t reproduced is hugely dramatic and unreasonable.

@Revoltingrhyme you can say that but I honestly felt that way.
realize this problem comes up at a time when most are peri menopausal or menopausal.

Why? I have a different relationship to my daughters than I have to my sons. I am keeping an open mind as to whether I may find that seeing more of babies makes me coo over them as opposed to not being fussed.

There will not be any disparity in the way grandchildren are treated, other than that incurred by geography.

That's fair enough. It just makes me think of a friend who has always said that her inlaws have never shown any real interest in her children but fall over themselves for their daughters kids. Her MIL actually said that her DC don't feel like her DGC as they weren't born to her daughters. That really hurt my friend and made her feel bad for her kids to know that they weren't as loved as their cousins.

It's one of the things that broke the relationship between myself and my PILs. I've never wanted children and neither has my DH and they knew that before we got married. So they're attempts to persuade me, not him, otherwise after we married I found really creepy. It felt like I was just a walking incubator to them. And that they blamed me for the lack of grandchildren as if I has wanted them my DH would have gone along.

i dont have children so i wont have grandchildren my sister has 3 children a 3 grandchildren I'd rather have a cat .
children never appealed to me .

Perhaps it is to do with the meno/the end of your own fertility, which would make you a v young potential grandmother compared to my circle.

Hopefully it will pass but if not it might be worth considering what else you can do to make your life richer. It’s not unusual to hope you get them but it is unusual for it to be this important.

My first grandchild wasn’t planned, but is very much loved. It never ever occurred to me to question whether there would be more and it certainly wasn’t my business.

My responsibility for the decisions my children make, ended when they became 18.

I loved baby cuddles and I did my share of babysitting, staying over etc. Now I just appreciate the young people they have become and celebrate or commiserate, whichever is necessary.

That’s really crap for it to me so extreme.

I think it’s still fairly normal for maternal grannies to be the A listers though, but obviously that’s not great if your kids don’t have one.

@continentallentil I’m now 66, grandma x3
but I clearly remember the feeling.
the admin assistant who worked with me, younger by a few years was on grandchild no. 12. Her 3 boys each had 4 children in fairly quick succession.

@Revoltingrhyme I have 2 and no children. It’s fabulous and I highly recommend it.

Me too! My mother always wanged on about grandchildren. Neither myself or my two brothers have given her any, we are all in our 50s now, so it ain't happening. She's disappointed, but she was a terrible narcissistic, disappointing mother, so I feel we are even.

@Liverpool52 Same here. I was 41 when I met my boyfriend, he was 39. I think his parents saw me as the 'last chance saloon' for grandchildren, his father in particular wasn't happy when I laughed and said no way on Earth was that happening. The final nail in the coffin in my relationship with them was the one time we trusted them to look after our two indoor cats and they promptly let them both outside...and lost one for hours. Apparently I had a nerve for being upset about them totally ignoring our instructions...'well we found him, didn't we?' FFS. His father in particular would have been a fucking nightmare controlling grandparent, my boyfriend frequently admits this.

As the old saying goes 'wishing ain't getting'

I became a grandmother earlier than I expected (53).
I would recommend it, but i would not have sat around wondering if/when I don't think. I want my kids to have happy lives, having kids themselves is for them, not us

I think having Grandchildren would be fun. But my children are only 10&11, so this is 20 years in the future!

My PILs are natural grandparents, to their 5 grandchildren and to two great nephews whove needed extra support recently.

If my DDs decide not to have children (their prerogative) I hope to spend the energy on other children instead. DH &I both volunteer for a children's charity and hope to do so for many years to come.

I don’t think it’s any of my business if my children decide to have children or not. There will be no pressure either way from me.

I only have one child. If DS decides he wants children I'll love them to pieces I'm sure, but I won't be gutted if he doesn't.

Surely that depends on whether you view having a child as an unqualified ‘blessing’, whether you think your child is likely to take to parenthood, is old enough or ready, is reproducing with a decent person etc etc etc?

😵‍💫

My DS insists he doesn't want children. He is only 18, mind you.

Personally, I won't be bothered whether he does or doesn't. Other than I really hope he's careful about not having them anytime soon.

But, I do think keeping children physically, mentally,and emotionally safe in this world, is becoming more and more difficult. I certainly wouldn't be having any myself if I was starting again.

My DD doesn't want children which is ok with me as I have never felt the need to be a grandparent.

Have to admit, the ones I see look exhausted.

As are mine. My inlaws had a few too many wines once and I heard them saying how they desperately wished their two granddaughters from their daughter were theirs to ‘keep forever and ever’. 😬😬😬

Mine are tolerated for a bit and I’ve overheard them saying not-very-nice things about my son. It sucks, but also, I’m glad to not be the object of their weird obsessions.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain Sure, but maybe you're not noticing the ones who don't look exhausted? Younger grandparents for instance often get confused for being the parents. Us, for example.

Same. I also hope DBro has children, just because I like children and think it would be cool to have some cousins for DS. Obviously totally up to him. I was similarly happy when my friends had children.

I’d like grandchildren in much the same way - I’d like to have more children in my life, would be more than happy to help out with childcare, and hope they would bring DS as much happiness as he has brought me. I have no intention of putting any pressure on him, but if he has children I’ll be happy and will want to be involved.

DM has been the perfect GM to date - helpful but never interfering, spoils DS but never undermines me, has plenty of time for him (she is retired, DH and I both work), and is a very positive influence on his life. I hope I can play a similar role for any of DS’s children.