Wanting grandchildren

[Revoltingrhyme]

Saw a post before, just a silly meme about parents wanting grandkids and people getting cats instead and a woman had commented ‘I want a human grandchild’ and it made me fall down a rabbit hole of thoughts.

What actually is the appeal of actively wanting grandchildren? Is it that you get the bond with a child without any of the parenting responsibilities? Or seeing your kids continue the family tree?

but also is it not somewhat rude to want somebody else to reproduce for your own enjoyment when you already had your opportunity raising a child? Genuinely just curious about this.

My mum is absolutely desperate for grandchildren and is devastated that I have not produced any. She tells me this loudly and often. She very much feels that I have let her down enormously.

Me neither. I'm secretly glad ( I'd never say this) - like another pp, I feel all babied / children-ed out. I also worry about the world they'd be born into. My friends have gc and it looks unrelentingly hard. My DH and I have busy and fulfilling lives so don't feel any lack, quite the opposite.

As long as my AC are happy, that's all that matters. Having and providing for kids is hard work!

I’m currently pregnant with what will be my parents’ first gc and my in laws’ first gc. They are all in their very early 50s and have never pressured us to have children. DP and I have been together for years and are in our mid 20s, so older than our parents were. I don’t understand why so many women in this thread are repulsed at the idea of other people desiring gc. Surely it’s a natural desire? As long as they aren’t pressuring their children.

I am intrigued by the sort of pressure you could put on your children which would work! I have heard some unusual reasons people are said to have children - benefits, being looked after in old age - but having children "because my mum/dad wanted me too" would take the biscuit!
Not wanting advice on the type of pressure btw, will be happy whichever choices my kids make.

Pressuring people into (and out of) having babies is unbelievably cunty. You see it a lot though as there are lots of cunty people around so

I have teenage grandchildren, I absolutely love them. They are great kids and I can't imagine life without them.

I feel like it might be hard for you to understand if you have no children in the first place.

Seeing the outpouring love my parents have for my children does make me like the idea of having some of my own one day but my kids are 4&2 and it's totally up to them.

My brother is doesn't want children which is absolutely fine and it'll be the same for mine. It would be nice to know what it's like thought but wouldn't feel entitled to even make a comment.

My grandson is the love of my life. I enjoy him so much and feel privileged to know him and be part of his life.

@LateOnTheBandwagon My mother just totally assumed that out of the three of us, as the only girl I would automatically follow in her footsteps and have children. She still can't understand why I haven't...even though I told her from age 9 that I didn't want children and have never waived from that.

So there was no 'pressure' as such, just assumption/expectation. I know my boyfriend still struggles with the feeling that he's 'disappointed' his parents by not having children....he's 53 this year.

This, absolutely. I'm a grandma, and at this minute I'm lying on my bed in the dark, with my 12 month old granddaughter asleep on my chest. Her mum and dad are having their first date night since she was born.

. It is a lovely blessing to have a new generation of children in your family, who give you that wonderful experience of love and trust.

Because children can be rewarding and joyful? I only feel like that about my own by the way but I'm sure I would also feel that way about my children's children. It is nice to have more people to love in the world.

So for those reasons I would like grandchildren but am happy/impartial with whatever my children decide to do in the future. It's their lives. And I can always get a puppy :)

I never had grandparents and now my DD doesn't live close enough to have any meaningful relationship with hers (they're both in their 80s and 90s anyway so not up for anything). She is adamant she's not having any children so it looks like the grandparent gene has completely bypassed our family 🤣

I can understand wanting grandchildren but think it’s awful to put any pressure whatsoever on young people to have kids - as my mother ‘subconsciously’ did (and still occasionally does about a third child).

No pressure whatsoever means never mentioning it at all by the way.

Well it’s a fundamental biological desire, to see your DNA continued. Wanting a next generation to continue your genes is not abnormal it’s a survival strategy. In the end the purpose of all life is to peel more life! To rear the next generation.
In human society now though it’s considered to be wrong to have expectations of your children.

I'm in my late 50s never married and never lived anywhere near any of my family so don't get this 'parent pressure' about any aspect of my life. Sometimes I think it'd be nice if DD had a child... but I'm really not bothered.

I look at the young women I work alongside getting married and having babies in their 20s, and there's so much talk about the involvement their parents have in their lives. I'd have felt completely stifled with that much involvement. It's totally alien to me.

If I do become a GP I'd never assume I'd be part of the child's life anyway. My DM showed no interest in my DD and it never occurred to me that she should!

Children are a joy and new additions bring excitement to a family. I really look forward to having grandchildren because I’ve seen the beautiful bond my own DC had with theirs but if it doesn’t happen that’s fine too.

I don’t know what’s ‘batshit’ or ‘cuntish’ about that…🙄

There's nothing batshit or cuntish about wanting it as long as you keep it to yourself if your DC choose not to have children or are not able to have them.

DH and I would love to have grandchildren. But DS1 and DiL have chosen to remain childfree 'thus far'. Am I sad about this? Yes, terribly sad. But it's not my decision and not my place to comment.

It's the people who go on at their children to give them DGC or play the martyr because 'all their friends talk about is their DGC' and they feel 'so left out'.

I think sometimes parents would love to have grandchildren but they aren't really affected or bothered if they don't get them. It becomes a bit weirder if someone is genuinely annoyed or sad at the fact their DC won't have kids.

I'd be very sad not to have grandchildren but I'd never tell my kids that.

I've seen how much pleasure my parents and my MIl has had in being grandparents. It's lovely. I'd like to experience that too.

My MIL says you get to do all the nice bits and aren't bogged down by the drudge. You just get to have genuine quality time with them.

Grandkids are already here. There was never any pressure to have them, this is just the observation now they are all here.

My mum is an incredible grandma though she worried a lot about how to be one as neither she nor we had decent or involved grandparents. She loved everything about having babies and children so was pleased some of us wanted them and have enjoyed it as much as she did. She said she was shocked at the immediate and immense love and connection she felt for my DD who was the first grandchild and she’s been nothing but supportive to DH and me and my sister who’s now got DC as well. She used to roll her eyes at neighbours and colleagues who were baby bores about their grandkids and these days she’s way way worse!

If you enjoy babies and children and you’re not being expected to change your whole life to accommodate the choices your children made to have their own families (excessive babysitting, financial help etc) I can’t see what wouldn’t be wonderful about being a grandparent - though pressure to produce kids and emotional blackmail are obviously not okay.

I hope my children have children so they get to experience it. Having seen the hugely positive part my mum plays in my DC’s lives I hope I can do as good a job if I get the chance.

My mother has unintentionally pushed me and my sibling away a bit by pressuring us about marriage and children. Neither of us want that. She proclaims loudly to everyone she would never dream of pressuring her children and we do whatever makes us happy, but she proclaims this VERY loudly at EVERY opportunity even when nobody asks about it. Followed by every couple of years looking terribly sad for no reason and asking “if we really never want them?” Followed again by making a huge fuss of someone else’s grandchildren and saying it’s the only chance she’ll ever get.

She also “jokingly” always laughs to anyone who will listen how she’ll never get to be mother of the bride. Charitable me thinks she has no clue, but occasionally cynical me (and my siblings partner has also voiced this) thinks she’s just being ultimately passive aggressive.

My kids are the only grandchildren on both sides. My sister in law didn't want and My sister sadly wasn't able to. They are therefore thoroughly enjoyed and spoiled by grandparents. We were lucky that both sides did 1 day a week childcare during the nursery years and now will happily help out with baby sitting on the occasions it is needed as long as they are free. They have a lovely relationship with my boys

I assume it’s like wanting children. That’s all done and now you can do it again ans they’re the children of your children so even more adorable. Plus nice to have someone to spoil. Kids are great tbh.

I agree with this.
I also think that calling people weirdos for feeling like it is really unnecessary.