Wanting grandchildren

[Revoltingrhyme]

Saw a post before, just a silly meme about parents wanting grandkids and people getting cats instead and a woman had commented ‘I want a human grandchild’ and it made me fall down a rabbit hole of thoughts.

What actually is the appeal of actively wanting grandchildren? Is it that you get the bond with a child without any of the parenting responsibilities? Or seeing your kids continue the family tree?

but also is it not somewhat rude to want somebody else to reproduce for your own enjoyment when you already had your opportunity raising a child? Genuinely just curious about this.

I love being a grandparent. My grandson and his parents live with me currently. It means that I don't just get the fun parts, and I do a lot of hands-on care.

I didn't expect to become a granny when I did, and at times the situation has been difficult, but the love I feel for him is crazy.

I always wanted grandchildren, but no one could have prepared me for the strength of love and protectiveness I feel for him. He has brought so much joy to our household.

It's just the best thing ever.

Me and DP were never going to have a child, and then child happened anyway.

I'm glad we did have DD because she's wonderful and we found we really enjoy being parents etc etc, but also because my Mum when she was dying said that DD was the best thing that had happened to her in her last decade or so (and that included meeting her husband)

I think it's a different experience to being a parent, you're not Mum or Dad so you're more fun, and you don't see them every day so there's more excitement, on the grandparents side and the grandchild's. I think there's also an element of pride is seeing your own kids tackling a new stage in their life and thriving.

However, having grandkids isn't a right, and any parent who pressures their kids into having children can get to fuck.

I would love a grandchild. I've seen lots of friends with grandchildren. I knowI won't get any grandchildren and I've accepted that and respect my dd's choice.

If I had my time again, I probably wouldn't have any children either.

My mum always said having young kids was one of the best times of her life, she fully agrees it’s hardwork but she loved it.

Now I’ve had my own baby she says she loves seeing me be a mum, both me and my partner come from big families and all of our friends have big close families too - so it seems natural to us to have kids and turn mums into nans haha.

But ultimately I think she wanted us to experience having a family of our own and everything that comes with it - but if I’d of decided to not have kids she would of supported me in that too.

How sad. This is like watching a car crash in slow motion.

What on earth Are you talking about?

What the fuck are you on about? 🤔

I wonder this as well. My children are very young at the moment but I can’t imagine ever actively being desperate for grandchildren in the same way as was desperate for children iyswim. Currently I wouldn’t care if I didn’t have them, my children are enough. However, I’m only in my 30’s so maybe the grandchild urge wi kick in in time! I can’t imagine wanting to do the ‘baby stage’ again when I’m retired as I actually find that stage pretty boring…also I’m acutely aware of not wanting to put any pressure on my kids to ‘give me grandchildren’ these days there is a big chance they will choose not to have kids which is ok. However, this is 30 something year old me talking with 2 kids under 5 so maybe ask me again in 20 years and the urge to be a grandmother will have kicked in!

And @3BSHKATS

“The fuck I’m talking about”
is the fact this poster clearly couldn’t care less about her existing grandchildren because they were birthed by her daughter in laws but she knows she may well feel different if he daughters gave birth to babies.

This would cause huge problems in the family. Problems with her and her sons. Problems between the siblings. Problems between the grandchildren. It’s sad. It’s like watching something horrific happen in slow motion.

It’s absolutely delusional to try and convince yourself that you’re not going to feel differently about the children that your daughter brings into the world versus your son. Every family around the world experience is that to 1° or another.

I don’t think people’s urge to have children or grandchildren is always logical. I know I can’t really explain why I wanted children. I guess maybe it is partly natural for humans to want to reproduce?! Possibly?

I also like the idea of one day having grandchildren. I like the idea of having the joy of helping look after them, cuddling with them, I enjoy the magical aspects of things like Christmas and the joy they get over simple activities like bubbles. However I would never express a desire to my kids for them to have children. It’s totally up to them and I wouldn’t pressure because that’s awful.

If I had DCs then they never had DCs I'd feel as though I'd made a useless sacrifice in having them.

I gave up so much to have DCs. I did this to continue my family tree, our culture etc.

To have that end the generation after me would be devastating.

Thankfully my DCs intend to become parents.

I agree that it’s not a logical urge it’s just something some people want when they get to a certain age. My mum never felt the need to be a grandma and now my child is her world! It’s lovely. She says he feels like her own. 😊 Some people just love the wonder and innocence of little kids and that’s great. Of course pressuring your children is a different thing.

But I will probably stop at one point! So even if not you, in a couple of generations there will probably be a point where they don’t want to/can’t procreate.

*It will probably stop at one point.

You have children for yourself because they are what you desperately want. Having them for just keeping the line going isn’t going to be great if that’s the only reason! How are you going to be a good parent?

@heartofglass23 a useless sacrifice? But surely your DC’s life are worth the sacrifice in and of themselves, even if they don’t go on to reproduce? People can be valuable without having children?

Wow.

Interesting one. I don’t find it bizarre to rant grandchildren. But I do find it bizarre to voice wanting grandchildren if you have no intention of having an active involvement in their lives.

Why say to your children you want to be a grandparent to only then refuse any kind of childcare or babysitting because you’ve ‘done your time’? That’s very selfish and weird. You basically just want to be able to say you have grandchildren to everyone without being an involved grandparent. So whilst your kids are in the trenches of child rearing and frazzled the grandchildren you asked for, you give 0 back in return.

My wonderful in-laws have 5 adult children and wanted grandchildren very openly someday. They are now grandparents and are the most involved and active grandparents you could ask for. They voluntarily do childcare for grandchildren and ask them for sleepovers. They plan days out for the grandchildren and have really thrown themselves into it. They are retired and were before any grandchildren came along. Their family is the central point on their lives as well as gardening and hobbies.

My mum on the other hand pestered for grandchildren and ‘couldn’t wait’. When my older brother had the first grandchild my mum spent the entire pregnancy going on about being a grandmother but then when the baby was born she couldn’t get away fast enough. She had ‘done her time’ and was appalled at any suggestion of childcare or babysitting from my brother as she ‘has a life’. So why the F did she want grandchildren?!!

I get it wanting them so you can have active involvement, but why does anyone want other people to have kids that you’ll have very little regular interactions with? Make it make sense!

Euugh! Just horrible!

you are just trying to convince yourself that everyone would feel the same - they really don’t.

I promise you if they really do lots of conversations over numerous years with lots of grannies. And you know who’s to blame for it ? The daughter-in-law’s

You know some weird people.

Totally agree. My DD is 27 and people are already asking me. She’s got a lot on her plate and also has endometriosis so it may not be possible for her. I want my children to be happy- if that means grandchildren then great but it’s completely up to them.

Fucking hell.

I am genuinely so excited at the thought of my imagery grandchild/children that it makes me giddy. Of course I don't put that on my lovely DC. My gma is 99 and has been such a close and wonderful person in all our lives that I want those relationships in my old age.
Humans and Killer whales are the only animals that have menopause and it's thought to be a evolutionary advantage enable them to have a grandma, who helps care for and teach infants.

Just because you feel that doesn’t mean everyone will.

How sad for your son.

If you’d said “the relationship is often different” that would have been, sadly, accurate in many families, but not the feelings.