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Really organised, calm families, how do they do it?

226 replies

Suncreamweather · 31/05/2023 09:43

Feel our family life is chaotic & we're constantly on edge.. Envy the calm, really organised families who have organised homes, well behaved kids & are not outwardly stressed. How can I achieve this before the summer holidays so we can all enjoy ourselves..

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 31/05/2023 09:49

They throw money at any problems?

But for us mere mortals, we are calmer and more organised, but not reached anywhere near Zen level yet, since we seriously started decluttering.

arlow · 31/05/2023 09:52

For me, the chaotic bit of the summer holidays is food. I can just about manage entertainment and a schedule-ish but feeding everyone three times a day is punishing. Maybe having a full freezer is one answer with some eve meals done, and then packed lunch stuff on hand. I find frozen sausage rolls that I can pull out for a last minute day out, work well, if I make a load before the hols. I'm always relieved to find them... rather than a crust of bread and no ability to make sandwiches!

Gpnever · 31/05/2023 09:53

Most of the time I’m not organised. The only times we have achieved this as a family, it has been due to a combination of these factors

  • staying up later after kids in bed go do household stuff
  • having a cleaner
  • diverting time away from family time at weekends for chores and admin

most of the time I accept a bit of chaos 🤣

Bernadinetta · 31/05/2023 09:57

The ones you see calm aren’t like that all the time? Others see your family in a rare moment of calm and assume you’re always like that.
I remember one day walking along with my two year old at the time, she had just had a major screaming meltdown, I had bribed her to walk holding my hand by promising chocolate biscuits, I had sunglasses on as I was holding back tears and as I passed a mum and her little boy, she said to him “See, look how nicely that little girl can walk holding her mummy’s hand, why can’t you do that?”

UWhatNow · 31/05/2023 10:00

They usually have a fully engaged hands-on dad who shoulders his share and maybe extended family who help out a lot.
They prioritise quality relationships with their children that fosters good behaviour and respect.
They plan well.

Theredjellybean · 31/05/2023 10:02

Commitment to being organized.
You have to actually do it...so for summer holidays by now I'd have booked and planned time off work, kids clubs or au pair for when I'm at work and be planning logistics of all activities...such as kids have tennis camp for five days...need new racquets, who is taking and picking up etc...
I'd have everything written on family calendar and nailed it down.
Then I'd have list of ideas for days I was at home...beach trip, cinema etc...
I'd spend a weekend clearing out clothes, toys etc and getting everyone new swim wear, new goggles, sandals...etc...

Then it's a case of a good meal plan (we do this anyway)...a set shopping day...get everything you need for whole week...

And then spend an evening or afternoon booking in anything else...dogs to kennels , airport parking if going away, theatre tickets for trip to London blah blah..

It's not actually hard...you just have to sit down and do it...

tilestoclean · 31/05/2023 10:03

Get up earlier than needed. Half hour for shower etc and I also do laundry and empty the dishwasher. Means when the kids get up I can be at their disposal. I find the kids reflect my mood a lot so if I'm happy and calm then they are for most part too.
At least one load of laundry a day, never let it build up.
Meal plan on a Sunday, food shop Monday, prep food in advance of dinner where possible.
Do life admin in the evening once kids are in bed.
To do list on the kitchen counter.
Weekly planner on the fridge so kids know what's happening when.

7Worfs · 31/05/2023 10:07

We are not a calm household (yet) with a 4yo and a baby, but these things keep us organised:

  • cleaner
  • I am great at planning and executing quickly, DH is a faffer. So he looks after both children while I quickly prep bags for picnics, going out etc
  • I cook from scratch, but it’s all things I can do in 20-40 mins (grilled meat/fish and lots of vegetables)
  • I put everything away as I go about the house
  • 4yo has to tidy away from current activity before he’s allowed the next activity

In reality I’m constantly busy to make sure the household runs smoothly for everyone else.

converseandjeans · 31/05/2023 10:08

I would say we're fairly organised. Both work as teachers so fairly busy with that. Dog has three walks a day (dog walker during working week). Husband manages footie team which also takes up time.

  • do big food shop & so don't run out of basics like loo rolls or bread
  • vacuum & basic tidy every day which takes 10 mins
  • regularly declutter so we don't have too much stuff to deal with
  • kids don't do loads of extra curricular
  • don't plan too many weekend activities so we can do stuff if we feel like it but we're not tied down
  • make sure all school uniform out & bags ready by front door, shoes lined up before going to bed. They're older now but when they were little all we needed was for them to wake up, eat & get dressed.
  • make kids aware of time limits eg we're going out in an hour, we're going out in half an hour, we have ten minutes now so you should get teeth brushed & think about getting dressed.

We're quite calm & no shouting which I think helps too. I've always found that kids are slower if we shout as they get stressed out.

Pooterlie · 31/05/2023 10:10

Exactly the same as @7Worfs I am constantly working to make sure that all runs smoothly. Helpfully DH is amazing at planning and executing holidays so when we are away we are really playing to our strengths.

Having a calm and orderly life and home is important to me though and my tolerance for chaos is low so I definitely prioritise organising / planning / tidying.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 31/05/2023 10:11

We're calm but not organised.
The one is at the expense of the other.

converseandjeans · 31/05/2023 10:12

Agree with @UWhatNow as DH is on board with getting house tidy of an evening. He also keeps up with dog walks, garden etc I think you need both parents to contribute.

WimpoleHat · 31/05/2023 10:17

I know a family like this. Calm. Organised. And they are lovely. Genuinely lovely. But if I had to describe them in one word, it would be “vanilla”. Nobody has a strong personality, or interests they’re passionate about. Nobody is quirky, nobody does anything out of the ordinary, they don’t argue about politics/don’t have strong opinions about things. And we just aren’t the same. And I often think it’s those things - the quirks, the interests etc - that lead to a bit of chaos. We don’t have dinner at a set time because one of the kids has a driving passion for a hobby that she does several times a week (and, as such, there are often dishes in the sink in the morning). We have several days with kids in different directions because they like different things and that’s a mad dash that means a bit of stress and most likely convenience food. (Alternatively, it’s just because I’m a bit of a crap housekeeper, but it’s there as another option!)

Wisenotboring · 31/05/2023 10:21

Advance planning and anticipating pinch points is crucial. Online shops, cleaner, clear expectations for everyone. My husband is very hands on so we operate as a real team. I stock up on things the children might enjoy for school holidays. For example I found craft sets and airfix packs were popular. I've always embraced messy play and crafts etc. This means that the children are now very good at working fairly neatly and don't make a massive mess. I don't tolerate much eating anywhere other than at the table so there aren't nasty surprises all around the house. We sit down together for meals always. This felt hard work in the tiny years, but has paid off. Generally eating out and chatting as a family is something we can all do so no grumpy reliance on screens.

I also think it's important to lower the bar when it doesn't matter! We only iron what is really necessary, I'm fairly relaxed about screentime as long as they are all involved in other things too and as long as they come off when I say. I do a strategic freezer tea when required.

Every night me and my husband get the house back to ground zero so tomorrow is a new day. We are also very protective of down time for us as a couple and a family. It is restorative for us all to take time to ourselves.

Having said this, I've no idea how we come across to the outside world!! However we both work full time and have 3 children. Life feels busy but manageable and fun which is good enough for me.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/05/2023 10:25

I’m organised - hardly ever rest and husband pulls his weight
however- perfectly well behaved children and non stress parents - down to their dna! I don’t have the gene, I’m very shouty and always moving and loud and my kids are too.

007DoubleOSeven · 31/05/2023 10:27

Smuggery 😁

CharlotteRumpling · 31/05/2023 10:28

They lie on social media.

nosykids · 31/05/2023 10:46

We are not perfectly organised in every way but we do have a diary meeting once a week on a Sunday where everyone fills their diary in for the coming week. We are a ND household though.

shams05 · 31/05/2023 10:47

I think if you have a dh or partner who shoulders at least a portion of the responsibilities then that's a massive help.
I am nowhere near as organised as I'd like to be but if you were to see me out with all the children I might look like I've got it all sorted. You just didn't see me running around like a headless chicken at home for the last two hours, getting really hot and bothered trying to whip up everything needed for a day out!

nosykids · 31/05/2023 10:52

ps - I know someone whose home is insanely organised but she is utterly chaotic, late for everything, etc - I think all her energy goes into the house and she has nothing left for anything else (and also that she probably won't leave her house unless it's perfect, which is what makes her late). So finding balance is important too!

fireflyloo · 31/05/2023 10:53

I have a calm and organised household. We have 1dc (12) so that helps. Even when they were younger the house was calm so it's not just age. I wfh most of the week, term time only and don't need any form of extended care and haven't done in 5 years. Dh has a short commute. We're all at home and have had dinner and house tidied by 6.30pm ready to chill- apart from the 2 nights dc does clubs. Dh and I do equal household chores. Never had a cleaner/ gardener etc. we all have lots of downtime.

Fleur405 · 31/05/2023 10:55

My natural tendency is definitely to be chaotic and leave things to the last minute. But now I have a one year old who recently started nursery and a partner who works away. I just have to be more organised. Every evening I pack nursery bag or my bag if it’s a weekend. Look out clothes for me and DD. Make DDs breakfast. Plan what we’re going to eat the next day and do prep if I can. Sometime obviously I just want to sit down and watch tv but planning /being organised is the only way I can get through the day without descending into a spiral of chaos!

CornedBeef451 · 31/05/2023 10:56

We do less.

I realised a few years ago that me and the DCs get stressed if we try to do too many activities so now we don't do as many and space them out.

We also generally do very low key things so no pressure to have the best day ever.

I have done a massive declutter over the last few years so the house is much easier to manage, get shopping delivered once a week and meal plan.

Although the biggest thing to reduce holiday stress is that my DCs are a bit bigger now so they don't need as much entertaining, just dragging away from screens at times.

user1497207191 · 31/05/2023 11:06

Planning and organisation.

Don't forget the saying "if you fail to prepare, then you should prepare to fail".

Both OH and myself are planners. It saves so much time, energy and stress in the longer term as you tend not to have last minute panics, run out of things, get caught out, etc.

OH is worse than me. Planning a day out is a military operation for him, down to planning what we want to see, where we want to go, how to get there, finding car parks, finding places to eat that cater for all our dietary quirks, checking attraction opening times, etc. By doing that, we don't get caught out so the day runs more smoothly. By "route" planning, we don't waste time doubling back on ourselves.

With children, the key is keeping them informed, tell them what we'll be doing, set "milestones" during the day, i.e. we had a habit of getting an ice cream mid afternoon, DS knew that, so he wouldn't be whinging for one in the morning. When we were going somewhere that DS (when very young) may get bored and start acting up, such as a restaurant, we'd take something with us to occupy him, such as a couple of matchbox cars, or a small drawing book.

I look after the home, and plan shopping with a list on Excel of all the things we will ever need. I print off the blank list, have it on a clipboard in the kitchen, and then mark things off as we use them, so next time I shop, I replenish what we've used. That's not just food, it's cleaning materials, and "specials" such as snacks, ice lollies, etc. By doing that, we never run out of anything, so we won't waste time doing "extra" shops for things we've run out of (which also waste money as smaller shops are more expensive).

As DS got older, we'd have informal "family meetings", often at mealtimes, about places we wanted to go to, holidays, events, etc., so he'd be involved in the decision making process, which made for more pleasant days out, holidays, etc., as he'd have felt part of the process, was more aware of what we were doing (or not doing), and why, etc.

Goldencup · 31/05/2023 11:07

I have posted this before:
I get up at 5:30 during the week, 6:30 at the weekend,
My glove box contains hair bands, tampax and tights.
There is always bottle water, chewing gum nd sick bags in my car
All my hand bags have more hairbands, suncream and gloves in at all times.
We have millions of water bottles
A kitchen drawer has a stationary stash
I have a present draw with neutral wrapping paper, sellotape and scissors in.
I buy boxes of chocolates when they are on offer so always have something for teacher's gifts/ muffty days etc
I book all my annual leave on the 1st of April
We work a least one holiday " in hand" often more like 12 months, so Christmas is nearly planned now then we will be moving on to next summer.
Similarly all travel is planned to be one " in hand" so never an emergency if you miss a train, tickets all booked in advance.

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