Really organised, calm families, how do they do it?

[Suncreamweather]

Feel our family life is chaotic & we're constantly on edge.. Envy the calm, really organised families who have organised homes, well behaved kids & are not outwardly stressed. How can I achieve this before the summer holidays so we can all enjoy ourselves..

I wouldnt say I'm really organised and calm but we're also not really chaotic either. I still struggle to juggle everything but I've made lots of improvements the last few months since having ds2. What works for us, won't for others. All about finding your balance and what works for your family!

Things I've learned:

Declutter. It's far easier to keep the house tidy and clean when there's less crap lying around!

Lower expectations. I always thought I needed to get out and do day trips to the zoo / farms etc and spent a lot of time feeling guilty. I realised the guilt put me in a bad mood and ds1 was getting a grumpy mother. Playing in the garden on a sunny morning is enough for my dc right now (3 years old and a 4 month old who chills in the wrap while his brother plays). 3 year old has the best morning ever pottering about, riding his bike, jumping on the trampoline, playing in the sandpit and it was really easy just walking downstairs (it's a shared garden). It's enough and I'm much happier realising this!

I have a great husband who is 50/50 and very hands on. We're forever tag teaming to get the kids ready / keeping them occupied to let the other get some things done etc.

I meal plan and do the weekly shop online.

We have a joint app for budgeting and every time we buy something, we pop it in our app and we can see what we're both spending and when to start being careful.

They're all different but I have to restrict TV because my toddler's behaviour is so much better when he watches less TV. He gets 30 minutes a day, sometimes a hour but that's his limit before he changes into the hulk.

Get a cleaner (ask them to do things like change the bedding and put laundry away too)

I find being organised helps things to stay calm and makes everything so much easier. You have to put a lot of time to get organised and keep on top of it, but the pay off is so worth it. Try and focus on one area a week, for example, this week I am sorting mine and the kids clothes out and taking everything to the charity shop/selling on Vinted.

For days out, even just going to the play centre or the park for a few hours, get everything ready the night before, change of clothes, drinks bottles etc, leave them by the front door. Then all you have to worry about is getting yourself and the kids dressed in the morning.

Hope that helps! X

Outsource what you can, that really helps. Don't over-schedule (mine always did a couple of clubs/activities a week but I see some families hurtling around every evening and I just think hell no!) Having naturally calm quiet biddable children helps massively too (mine aren't!) You can get so far with boundaries and discipline but natural boisterousness remains. Accepting that has helped!

Thank you! This is the mode I need to get into!

Also for dinner, we go to the butchers where they sell foil trays of different seasoned meats, and base our meals around that. We buy vegetables that don't need much prep, tender-stem broccoli, corn on the cob, green beans, peas etc So dinner can be quickly and easily thrown together at night time, whilst still being healthy and delicious! I usually put the chicken or whatever in the oven just before I take the kids to bed then by the time I'm back downstairs I have 5-10 mins to sort the veg with some pasta/rice/spuds before the chicken comes out the oven.

That's such a great example of why it's so pointless comparing yourself to others.

Oh yes the pp above reminded me. If you're not a morning person get everything ready the night before. Game changer. Do as much life admin as you can on your phone on the commute or when waiting in queues or watching TV. Seems less of a chore and helps keep on top of things without feeling like you are losing too much spare time. Have a massive declutter if you can ( I did this when we used to have a cleaner and I've got slack again!) Makes everything easier to find and keep clean and tidy and mentally it feels amazing!

You’re judging the outside of their family against the inside of yours!

Apparently I come across as super organised and thought out but actually I have ADHD so have to plan everything or nothing happens which also frequently happens!

Our house is pretty calm and tidy. We both get up at 6am. I put a washing on in the morning and empty/fill the dishwasher. It takes all of 10 mins. DH hangs up washing when he comes home from work. I usually spend a Sunday evening ironing and sorting underwear. We just do a quick tidy once the little one's in bed.

We have pretty strict routines. My 5yo will make her own breakfast in the morning, get washed, brush her teeth, get dressed, make her bed and tidy her room before school each day (the things they do for a star on a chart). Obviously with a little bit of encouragement but it gives me time to run around and tidy or clean bits and bobs.

For us, little and often is the key.

Both parents have to take their share. I’ve had to accept either I do 100% of everything as DP has ADHD, or we live with a bit of chaos, or I accept my role as office fucking manager to answer the endless stupid questions, which allegedly shares the load, and as you can see I’m not calm about it

Decluttering helps. Not trying to “hack” parenting with gadgets and time-saving solutions helps. But really you need both parents to be organised and unflappable, and also everyone to sleep.

We're not always a calm household but the things that I notice that make a difference are -
Meal plan and shop
Laundry managed well
Tidy up and clean every evening so we're not playing catch up the next morning
Kids do chores
Family calendar on the wall

I agree with booking things in advance too.

My kids are…well, kids. But they are good at entertaining themselves. We are a low screen family and so they have had to work out how to keep themselves occupied without screens especially on holidays (we’ll do movie nights, watch sport etc but there will also be weeks when we don’t really watch TV). We like a mix of active holidays (city breaks and hiking) with lounging about.

Our house is tidy and our lives are pretty organised. We throw money at things yes. We have a cleaner and an after school babysitter for the kids. (We also live with DH’s parents who are lovely). So it’s a big household of six people and 3 cats and both of us work FT. We plan ahead, we also meal plan. I cook a lot. DH is a 100% equal parent, husband and a hands on dad. For instance he handles all the school PTA stuff, and frankly all the school stuff including birthday parties, all the correspondence from school etc. We have a shared calendar that we use.

My top tip is that in the evening before the bedtime routine we have always got our kids to help. From about 18 months onwards they have ‘helped’ to tidy up. Usually I do the kitchen, DH does the laundry and the kids now put away their own stuff downstairs or in their rooms. When they were littler they just put away their toys or helped us do it. So by the time they go for their evening bath/shower the house is relatively tidy. Also doing this every day with the kids normalises doing chores and we do it all together. The kids now know where things go so it also goes quicker.

We also generally keep the routine the same. We are quite ‘vanilla’ people like someone upthread said- we are not wild or quirky but we do talk about politics a lot and we do argue about it etc!

I would say I’m organised but probably not calm about it! You have to do little and often. Dates get written on the calendar straight away so they are remembered, when I’m washing and I notice clothes are small, ruined etc they get put away there and then, amazon prime for anything we need quickly. A laundry load every day, sheets changed same day each week etc. Routine and little and often work best for me. I am a SAHM/carer for my disabled DD so I do have more time at home than most to stay on top of it, if you are working it’s much harder time wise. DH does pitch in as well as do the DC in an age appropriate way, e.g they put all their toys away before bed.

I dont think we are particularly calm but I have found I am less stressed for having a cleaner and massively decluttering and keeping on top of stuff and admin a little daily. It helps that my husband does a lot of house stuff and equal share of child care.

Also doing at least a load of laundry a day and folding it whilst watching my favourite show. Also lowering standards with not aiming for perfection

We have one child and a solid routine in termtime. Then we always plan out the weeks for holidays etc. so everyone knows what we’re doing on which days - manages expectations reducing tantrums and means fewer “no suitable clean clothes” type dramas. I can also plan the food shopping around when we’ll be in the house vs when we need a picnic vs when we’re eating out. My sister wings it and they’re always chaotic.

Probably the following;

No special needs or major health issues
Money
Support
Good sized house
Decent employers

Choose a father for your kids with a calm quiet organised personality most kids mirror how their parents behave and the genetics. The loud shouty kids have loud shouty parents.

Alexa keeps me organised. Between reminders and lists.

Storage box in the sitting room - for a really easy clean up of DS toys is a very handy one.

Meal plan - honestly takes the thought of what to cook during the week away. I do the online shop on a Sunday night. Pick 7 dinners for the week, but the ingredients and go with that. No thinking 'what will I do tonight'. We also eat breakfast/ lunch at home so get that in too.

Lists of places to go - I have a sheet of where I would like to visit. From free parks/ heritage sites/ zoo so if we decide to go somewhere I have an idea where. When DS gets older I will make lists of fun things to do at home. I do it in the evening sometimes. Otherwise I end up flaffying about and not really going anywhere because IDK where to go.

Small clean daily - cordless hoover is great 5 mins does the kitchen/ hall/ sitting room. Do it daily and it looks clean. Wipe down all surfaces and put things away.

DS is still small so I will see how I am when he is older! I used to be very chaotic

Preparation, preparation, preparation
Don't put it down, put it away
Don't procrastinate
Don't shout
Have a planner

Neurotypical parents with neurotypical kids tend to have a massive head start in life.

Obviously not implying OP is ND but the general observation I have is that most calm and organised families have two parents with very high executive function, and children that don't create the type of chaos and unpredictability that ND parents and ND kids may need to deal with.

grilled protein plus veg and any of those merchant grain packs is the best healthy dinner hack i've discovered!

I think a lot of people look at us and think we're organised & calm.
Our children have jobs to do and have done since they were small
We have a cleaner x2/ week
We have a shared online calendar & shopping list - EVERYTHING goes on the calendar

My achilles heel is meals - I hate meal planning and shopping. DH & DTs do it now. I've no idea what will happen next year if /when they go to Uni.

When the children were younger lots of exercise was the key - exhaust them and get them to bed (still applies for the youngest two)

same as everyone's already said - do less (enough downtime for me and DS), stuff we want to do is planned and booked well in advance (with occasional spontaneous mad stuff on top when time/energy/funds allow), de-clutter, picnic/buffet approach to lunch every day in the holidays, easy evening meals.

now I'm on my own with DS I've had to give up trying to be perfect at everything, and life is a lot less stressed because of it!