Really organised, calm families, how do they do it?

[Suncreamweather]

Feel our family life is chaotic & we're constantly on edge.. Envy the calm, really organised families who have organised homes, well behaved kids & are not outwardly stressed. How can I achieve this before the summer holidays so we can all enjoy ourselves..

Marking place because I'm an eternal optimist!

Not read all the thread.

My kids are adults now but we were a calm family. I think it's mostly because I'm naturally calm and it's filtered down to my kids.

My husband isn't calm but worked very long hours so was t in the equation much.

Things that massively helped

• no kids with additional

Needs -cleaner -big house -not over scheduling the kids or myself

• good routines

-clear and consistent 'rules' such as 1 hour computer games. I didn't chop and change things so everyone knew what was expected. We weren't a loud or shouty family. None of the kids or I have a bad temper. My husband can a bit but that sort of served as a reminder to the rest of us that it's not acceptable behaviour. -no other issues , happy marriage, no financial worries, no health worries

• realised that having kids required a lot of work and effort so I, sort of, treated it like my job. I wasn't lazy but wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone either.
• kids were all naturally mellow, they would play together happily. They occupied themselves well. They are now adults in their late 20s and early 30s and they still get on brilliantly
• I like being organised so I am organised. It's so much easier and relaxing than being disorganised. My husband is also organized so that helps too.

Obviously no family is calm and organised all the time. We definitely had our moments but generally things ticked along nicely in our house . A lot of it is down to luck.

I highly recommend it! It soothes my soul ❤️

I may have mis understood the OP.

Our house and lives are organised. We rarely have last minute panics (and if we do they're caused by something out of our control like the school being shut with ZERO notice).

We have a lot of systems in place and a lot of routine.

But with 2 DC with ADHD our house isn't zen and calm. Its full of noise and movement (and fun ☺️). But it is easy to tidy and clean.

Meal plans reduce my thinking time.

Routines reduce thinking time.

A place for everything and everything in its place reduces a) questions about where things are and b) time consuming, panic inducing hunts for things.

Anticipating things reduces last minute panics. Parties are planned well ahead of time. Holidays are planned months in advance (including lists of what to take/things to do beforehand like booking cattery).

We go on a lot of days out but they're fun and go smoothly cos I know exactly what we need to take and I know exactly where everything is!

No clutter on the flat surfaces is calming.

Not having too many clothes is calming (its easier to tidy clean clothes away in drawers where there is space).

After years of sleep deprivation (see 2 ADHD DC!) I don't get up early to get things done before everyone gets up. Things just dont take that long cos Ive simplified systems as much as possible.

Both DC do over 5 hours of sports clubs per week each. But its set days (or competitions are planned in advance) and those days have their specific routine (eating earlier/not eating all together/eating quick and easy meals).

I would say I have a organised, very calm home and children but I don’t work so spend my time organising and planning whilst they are at school and my DH is at work. I’ve nothing to be stressed about really, only silly little things so I think that’s why my children aren’t stressed and appear calm. It’s not about money it’s more about having time.

I agree with PPs - having less children makes it easier (we currently have 1 but know it will be harder when 2 gets here), we have a fairly big house vs family size, we don’t have money worries. Both me and my husband like being faiiirly organised (far from perfect but getting better)

Also I absolutely don’t want a dog for at least 10 years as I don’t want to add additional stress. All my friends with kids and dogs wish they hadn’t got the dog

There's loads of nasty posts on this thread accusing these people of lying on SM, or being vanilla. If being organised comes naturally to you, then you rarely have last minute dramas, or if there is an issue you just do, you just cope, you just get on with it.
Why is it so hard to comprehend that some people find it all easy?
Many posters have given you a list of all the things they do that makes life easier: dealing with all emails and admin as it comes in, putting dates in diaries and booking holidays in advance, having tonnes of food in the cupboards and freezers so that you can make 6 or 8 meals easily. Just makes life easier.

Once it’s all set up and motoring along this kind of life simply needs maintenance. It’s not hard at all staying on top of everything.

I manage my life calmly because it is the only option I simply can’t operate in chaos, so it is not an optional choice. Being orderly, calm and relaxed is our default approach. We are flexible to change and avoid becoming rigid, and I love spontaneous fun too but I weigh up the consequences and ensure we are able to all enjoy it.

This is the dream..
We are so far removed from this. Reading though the replies & thank you for every single one, so helpful, I have taken on board every single but of advice.
DH & I are both procrastinators, this is the main issue.. I spend way too much time on mumsnet too🙈

I'm with you op! Our house and life is incredibly chaotic, I think it's a mix between personality and organization, im a fairly chaotic person generally(not got a zen bone in my body act lol) and have limited organization skills due to my adhd. I always look at these families who have their shit together and wonder how the hell they do it

I don't find it easy. I work hard at streamlining things so that I reduce my stress and get to enjoy some down time.

It has taken me a lot of years of mess and mistakes to learn how to run things how I like them.

I started a to do list for tomorrow, I'm a sahm so I have no excuses at all not to get our shit together. Need to start getting more sleep, get up earlier & also cut out the mid week g&t..

People say that I'm organised.

I have absolutely no idea where they get that idea from as I'm chronically disorganised and untidy.
Only thing is that I know I'm disorganised so I tend to do things as soon as they come in or I know I'll forget.

I do tend to be very early for things though. That's because as a family growing up we were often late to very late and I hated that. I'll be half an hour early for a train rather than risk having to run for it.

They are possibly not as calm and stress free as you think, I like to be organised so will lay out clothes night before plan trips pack bags day before etc keeps things running smoother in the mornings so I’m not stressed and shouting at the kids … but I wouldn’t say it’s calm or stress free.

@Lira715 I'm sure some are not as unflappable as they appear but they definitely are organised & have organised homes. Kids always have the right clothes & equipment for all occasions etc..

Cleaner/ help from grandparents/ working part time.

Having neurotypical children.

Parents do not have any disabilities themselves

These are guesses - none apply here. We get by as we can and that's okay.

You are assuming what you see from outside is the reality.

Well I'd like to look more "together" & less frantic from the outside. We look chaotic & disorganised from the outside & the inside unfortunately..

Friends had chaotic lives and that stressed me out...I can't stand being late for everything, not having the right stuff at hand. It helped that I was a SAHM - so I had time to get things sorted - mind you so were the chaotic friends!

@Tegrate I am too so I have no excuse. I just procrastinate...

My son is neurodiverse. Actually, being organised and having very clear expectations of what was expected from him, helped to keep our house calm. It doesn't necessarily follow that neurodiversity equals chaos.

I guess we never had the luxury of chaos, we had to go to work, DS had to go to school we all had to be on time. We have to eat and we have to be clean, and that necessitated making sure that we had everything we needed, when we needed it. We became very routine driven and that meant a lot of things were done without thought because that was what you did when! I hope that makes sense.

It takes a while to get it working for you, but the pay off is worth it.

I think there’s two things to consider - one, how calm are they really and two are they really, actually happy? Lots of people give the impression on social media, in conversations etc life is wonderful but it’s not in reality. I have a friend who, if you assessed her life via Facebook, would appear to have the perfect family life but reality is very different. Someone above also said they know a super organised, calm family but they’re all very vanilla. My BIL and his family are pretty chilled but they rarely do anything, so it’s easy to be like that. The kids do no activities at all and they have lots of support from his wife’s side of the family.

I’m not sure many families have the ‘luxury of chaos’ tbh! I’m a single parent and work full time, two kids. I agree that ND doesn’t always equal chaos, but equally some does and despite the best efforts of being organised some DC do not respond. I guess the best approach is for everyone to find a way that works for their family and try to let go of external/others expectations.

I also think being super organised can also be a negative at times. I grew up with a very controlled environment, extremely organised and very little opportunity for spontaneity. It also wasn’t great tbh. Not suggesting in any way organised families are like this, but there is always another side to things.

Today has started well & I got plenty done now I've switched back to my comfort zone.. Mumsnet & coffee... Need to get off my ass!