Really organised, calm families, how do they do it?

[Suncreamweather]

Feel our family life is chaotic & we're constantly on edge.. Envy the calm, really organised families who have organised homes, well behaved kids & are not outwardly stressed. How can I achieve this before the summer holidays so we can all enjoy ourselves..

@IncomingTraffic

What helped me enormously with drawer issues was getting those drawer organisers from ikea.

So one for pants, socks etc. Made doing it so so much easier! Easier for them to find as well.

I always have a list going, always deal with life admin as soon as I get it, don't sweat the small stuff, don't stress about meals, don't have loads of activities.

😂touched a nerve ?

What a bloody silly response. Surprised you didn’t ask her was she triggered 🙄

😂

No clothes not put in wardrobes or drawers, still in a big clean laundry basket.

And that's all their clothes. I often have washing to be washed or put away but there's still a load of clothes in drawers. And if everything is in one basket I'm not sure why it would take so long to find what's needed. I often don't think about lunch until it's lunch but there will always be something in the fridge.

I just don't think that's a normal example of unorganised people. It's not normal to never use wardrobes or have food cupboards.

Neither DB nor DSIL feel they can work ft because the house looks as if a bomb has hit it as they leave for the school run everyday so someone needs to come back and sort it out.

But evidently they don't sort it

For me a holy grail would be proper meal planning and lots of froze homemade meals.

Currently I'm sat surrounded by chaos trying to clear out winter clothes.
I have to jeep forcing myself in little increment to mve

Of course they have clothes storage but it is not sufficiently organised for a 8 & 10 to dress themselves reliably. I may well be a control freak but my children had to be dressed for breakfast, I think feeding them before they are dressed doesn't help with timekeeping (just my opinion). Because the DC need to be supported to get dressed the breakfast dishes are not cleared away, which is why they can't leave a tidy, organised house for school/ work during the week and it takes them the best part of 3 hours to leave the house at the weekend/ in the holidays. Yes this massively limits the family's productivity and I think makes it all feel rushed and chaotic.

I believe they have a wonderful partner, that is all.

Golden I can't see how breakfast plates are causing such time issues.
Unless it's a b and b style massive breakfast with bowls, plates, side plates etc6

In our house we do breakfast before clothes as we all wake up hungry and thus hangry; we’re calmer once fed. I’m also calmer if DD gets her pyjamas caked in porridge and yoghurt, Vs what she’s wearing that day. There’s no “if this, then that” algorithm to calm and organised – it’s what works for each family. Our touch point is absolutely zero TV, colouring, playroom, fun until after DD is dressed – otherwise she hurls herself to the ground ranting about how she can never ever not ever in her whole life be allowed anything, just because we prompted her, mildly, to get dressed. So we do wee, teeth, breakfast, clothes, then playing to release energy so the nursery run is sensible and not fraught as she’s got all the sillies out – but that order of play wouldn’t work for everyone.

@ThisSummerBetterBeDarnGood I cannot start the meal planning crap. Not cheap but Cook do good frozen family meals. I always have a stack

We just dint think about breakfast beforehand clothes!

It after!
@hyggeb
Good shout actually. I should looks in there and get some back ups

Of course they have clothes storage but it is not sufficiently organised for a 8 & 10 to dress themselves reliably.

So there are clothes chucked in randomly in the shelves & wardrobes? I still don't understand how a 10 yr old can't find something to wear in that. Taking 3 hours to clear breakfast plates & put on clothes can't really just be about disorganisation, surely something else is going on?

@ThisSummerBetterBeDarnGood may not be useful but I use the mini ipad (more portable) around the house with me when I'm tidying/sorting. It distracts me from the banality of it & stops me from taking sofa breaks.

I don't have any update 😂injewd😂Ineed sofa breaks.

When my DC were young I didn't have much help from DH, who is often out between 8am to after 10pm when he finishes work. There's a five year gap so when DD was 2, DS was 7 so had different needs.

I always got up in the school hols and made a cold lunch at the same time as breakfast and packed it in a cool bag in the fridge. So whatever we did that day it was ready to grab and go (to the park, museum, beach whatever). Took mental load of lunch out of the equation. If we stayed in, we had it in the house.

I also made a laminated holiday timetable at work and asked the DC to write on v small post it notes what activities we'd do over the summer (within reason!) we'd then have an interactive timetable to decide what we'd do that week. Just things like library and hot chocolate, beach day, macdonalds, park, with a couple of more expensive items like the local water park or Lightwater Valley.

I'm still not the best at housework but bought the app for The Organised Mum Method and that's helpful. I listen to podcasts or the daily playlists from the app while doing cooking, cleaning etc. And often the mantra of 'good enough is good enough' goes through my head. It was only once the youngest went to secondary that I got enough headspace to be organised, in fact I'm still recovering from those primary years!

3 hours-: 4 tasks, an average of between 35 and 45 minutes each

1. Find, lay and eat breakfast ( includes things such as heating milk on the stove
2. Clear breakfast wash up/ put things in dishwasher 3)Find suitable clothes and dress 2 children 4)Get stuff ready for the day ahead eg: bikes/swim suits/ picnic

That really doesn’t take 3 hours.
There’s something amiss with people who can’t actually do it in less, are there any learning difficulties at play?
Definitely some issues present.

One thing that hasn't been discussed much in this thread is assertiveness and the art of saying no. A big part of my transformation from forgetful slattern to someone who has their shit together is that I've stopped being such a people pleaser. DC and DH are also required to pull their weight.

It's a lot easier to achieve the holy trinity of organised, calm and able to do interesting stuff, if you are actively in charge of how you spend your time.

@Dinopawus you're absolutely right. I've just scanned (can't be arsed to actually read) a bunch of replies about, as far as I can tell, we keep things in separate drawers/we don't/it works for us/it doesn't work for us. I do agree about the it works for us or not approach, but I do also think a lot of the it-works-for-us brigade could make their lives even easier if they simplified/set a stricter routine OR as you say SAID NO a lot of the time. My previous post was about how I always tried to do everything - I truly wish I had learned how to focus. So here's the answer:

Focus.

You are so right, that is why everything take forever at DB's house. Every whim ( both adults and children) is indulged ( eg: painting before breakfast), there is no routine.

I'm surprised that that takes that long! Surely the breakfast things are always in the same place - if you mean that you have different food for breakfast everyday it would be better if this was agreed the night before.
Perhaps you could enlist dc's or dh's help in all these chores. Even if dc are young they should be encouraged to dress themselves etc

That is why I need regimes in place, my focus is shot. (ADHD)

I just read a post that ended with “focus” and I giggled. Need to see the funny side as times as I am just waiting for my ADHD meds to kick in properly and re-reading my to do list, again.

Muttering to myself “going to the chemist is more important than filling those forms in, but actually I am about to miss the deadline, and if I go to the chemist first then I can go to paint shop, as I didn’t finish painting downstairs loo a new colour, then I can buy a plant at supermarket for windowsill in there, paint when I come back and if I get the kids meal deals while I am there then I don’t need to cook so can finish forms - but really should get that washing off the line as people seem to be dressing themselves straight from the line and I need a laundry system, maybe I will find some printables now to organise housework (and get off mumsnet)” - Arrgh 🤯