Why are marriage proposals still a thing?

[SleepingMurder]

I don't get it one bit. DH and I discussed getting married, then started planning for it together, as we would with any major life decision. You wouldn't leave the timing of a major life decision or even whether it was going to happen to just one person in the relationship, why would it be any different when it comes to marriage? And yet I see so many posts about is he going to propose, when is he going to propose - and this is often after living together and having children! Surely there's no need to be coy about it? Why would you leave such a major decision that affects both people equally completely in the hands of one person (in 99% of cases, the male in a heterosexual relationship)?

Help me understand, wise folks of MN.

Yes I agree .Nowadays I thought that women and men were equal, so why is it left to the man to be the one in control about the engagement/ marriage 🤷‍♀️

NB. Example from only this week. Booked the car into my dealer for a service. They predictably had me on the system as 'Mrs'. The look the receptionist gave me, when I politely requested that this be amended to show the correct title, could have curdled milk. Her manner instantly changed to very curt indeed, with all pleasantries noticeably cut.

Okay so this is VERY small stuff. It didn't bother me in the least; in fact, I privately laughed up my sleeve. But it goes to show how casual misogyny is entrenched, that it's everywhere, and it's so pervasive that most of the time we probably don't even notice it.

It's also my depressing observation that for the most part, the ones trying to enforce these patriarchal norms are other women.

I know there’s no law. I’m just wondering why anyone has to do a proposal at all. In the main it is women waiting around for the proposal, even after already discussing and agreeing marriage. I’m curious as to why women are happy waiting for their partner to decide when they get married by way of a “romantic proposal.”

There's much that in time will become increasingly outdated in society, such as even needing to give a title (why does the garage have to record one of these in the first place?) and stereotyped gender norms. We are making progress such as with gay marriage and the movement to raise kids gender neutral but there's such a long way to go to rid ourselves of gender inequaliy. I agree it's often women supporting this. As with anything it'll be a slow change as more people turn against it, as they are with religion for example. Millions of small changes in attitudes over many years.

There's much that in time will become increasingly outdated in society, such as even needing to give a title (why does the garage have to record one of these in the first place?)

I know. I returned the vehicle for a further job this morning. They'd reverted to 'Mrs', or more likely the receptionist hadn't bothered to change it when I asked her to. 'Mrs' on all the paperwork, and as the contact was leaving me said 'Bye, Mrs Goose!' at which point it seemed a little late to be issuing corrections.

Today, I wasn't in the mood. I just couldn't be arsed.

Next time, just to be bloody-minded, I shall ask for the title to be amended to 'Dr' rather than 'Ms'. I didn't do it first-time round because I thought it sounded a bit dickish. But if that's the way they want it, I now no longer care ...