It half term and DH is iill.., again

[IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads]

Every flaming school holiday DH is Iill. He's not a teacher, doesn't work in education. just a dad who seems to have some kind of man flu stress response to spend more than a few hours with his children )they are 11 and 14). It's no longer a joke to me about how many different places in the UK and abroad we've bought Lemsip in!!

Apparently he's too poorly to get up, and going by past experience will be for 4 or 6 days.

So - that's a wasted theatre ticket tonight, and me trying to book a bit of leave at short notice next week. The DC are old enough to look after themselves, buy we are rural enough throat they need lifts to places/cricket camp/friends etc.

Every flaming holiday.

(I took the Easter holidays off and the summer is split between us. Both are too old for holiday clubs. They see friends a bit. No local grandparents in good enough health.)

It sounds like a stress thing. He subconsciously or otherwise, doesn't want to and he thinks himself into illness.

I hate suggesting this but counseling might help (polite suggestion).

If you said you were unwell every school holiday, would he take time off work, ferry the kids about and let you lie in bed for six days? Truly?

Maybe he is genuinely unwell, unusual but it could be as PP said a reaction to 'stopping'. But tough shit. Parents just have to get on with it.

I've got an awful virus. I still took DS to a doctors appt, took care of the little ones, and picked the big ones up from school. (I drove, which I never do, as was feeling terrible.) Then made dinner and will put them to bed.

If you’re cancelling things like the theatre and booking time off work then he’s playing you if he is doing this every holiday.

Go tonight and leave him to it next week. Honestly, in the nicest possible way, please go, get on with your plans. Fuck him.

It is not normal for healthy adults to be unwell so much. I get the feeling run down when you stop but that does not require 6 days in bed.
I have caught a bug off the kids and feel pretty rubbish today. I have still looked after dc, dog, done school run, cleaned house top to bottom and all the other things we have to do. I cannot even think about taking myself to bed. I have never in my life laid in bed for 4-6 days. This is not normal.

op don’t even be flexible. I get you don’t want dd to miss out but that is on your dh. He sounds like a shit parent.

Do not book leave. He can drag himself out of bed for a couple of art workshop lifts, unless it’s d+v

I agree with the others. Do not book leave! If you do, he will just stay in bed and he will do all the donkey work. Go to work as normal and let him cope with things.

And also - it’s a long weekend so he’s got 3 days anyway when you aren’t at work (though you may be in retail, NHS l)

…I would think he would be over the worst of a cold by then!

I agree with others saying you do not need to book leave to care for two teenagers because your DH has a bug. That's ridiculous.

He also does not need to take to his bed for days on end with any sort of virus.

Ok, maybe if it was a bad dose where he was hospitalised or something, but not the sort you can nurse at home

If he's taken leave to look after them during the school holidays, surely he just needs to dose up on Lemsip, and look after the children as normal? Most parents still look after their kids when they're unwell, bar extreme illness like actual real flu, or food poisoning/norovirus etc. Does he have anything like that, which means he literally cannot get out of bed or leave the bathroom? If not, he just battles through it, surely? And it's Friday, they're not actually on holiday until Monday, so presumably he'll be quite a bit better by then? I wouldn't make any different arrangements yourself, or take extra leave etc. Your kids are old enough to be largely left alone, he'll survive the odd car trip!

I agree and even if it is D&V it should only last 24/48 hours anyway so he has plenty of time to still parent afterwards.

Why on earth would you book leave? How ill can he be? I looked after my elderly father when I had covid! (He did too).

The kids can look after themselves he just needs to be in the house.

Does he work? There's no way my dh would spend that much time in bed ill. Maybe one very early night with some night nurse and feeling a bit sorry for himself but that would be it.

Oh yes, so he doesn't actually need to look after them alone until Tuesday! He shouldn't still be feeling so ill on Tuesday that he can't look after his kids. If claims to be, well, it's a bit suspicious isn't it? Most people would be sufficiently over most illnesses, that don't need hospital treatment anyway, by Tuesday.

No one in my family has ever been ill enough to have to stay in bed for one day let alone 6. Hes taking the piss.

This is disgraceful I mean he's an actual disgrace, how has this gone on so long! Don't take AL its him letting his children down not you.

He'll feel better if he gets up and gets on with it. Wallowing with a cold only makes it worse. I woke up rough as rats this morning and my throat was so sore I could barely swallow water. Single mum so had to drag myself up, feed the dc, feed the pets, take dd to the dentist, etc. I feel knackered but much better than this morning. If I'd have stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself I'd probably still be at deaths door.

whats The word for something that can affect you physically but is a psychological issue?? Psychosemnabtkenrbrksn

is it that? Like he’s feeling stressed about being with the kids, and ends up feeling sick when really it’s an emotional response.

Id be pissed off too. Unless he’s properly ill though I’d expect him to be about for the kids. It’s fairly rare for an illness to so bad you can’t do a short drive or supervise teens.

Don’t take leave. He will need to do what every mother does (regardless of health) and just keep trucking!! A total drama llama to take to his bed for so long.

Don't know how you have put up with it for so long.

I actually Googled that word @Weallgottachangesometime , to see if, although unlikely, it was actually a word 😂. But nope, not a word. Did you just make up a word, or was it supposed to be something else?

Psychosomatic

Ten years....

I'd have a new patio by now.

The fact he's not doing anything (like TV) isn't relevant.

He's doing absolutely nothing which he presumably enjoys.

There's no viable explanation for this other than "he thinks he deserves a break".

I'm sure some posters will try and validate his dickish behaviour but ultimately 10 years of data point strongly to a conclusion of male entitlement.

Maybe an experiment?

What's his favourite activity?

Suggest you tell him that "sadly" you have won tickets to xyz event in two days time and it's a shame you are going to have to give them away.

I'll bet that his immune system rallies pretty damn fast....