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Original poster

It half term and DH is iill.., again

191 replies

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 26/05/2023 17:03

Every flaming school holiday DH is Iill. He's not a teacher, doesn't work in education. just a dad who seems to have some kind of man flu stress response to spend more than a few hours with his children )they are 11 and 14). It's no longer a joke to me about how many different places in the UK and abroad we've bought Lemsip in!!

Apparently he's too poorly to get up, and going by past experience will be for 4 or 6 days.

So - that's a wasted theatre ticket tonight, and me trying to book a bit of leave at short notice next week. The DC are old enough to look after themselves, buy we are rural enough throat they need lifts to places/cricket camp/friends etc.

Every flaming holiday.

(I took the Easter holidays off and the summer is split between us. Both are too old for holiday clubs. They see friends a bit. No local grandparents in good enough health.)

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 26/05/2023 17:35

If he’s genuinely bed bound for the best part of a week every school holiday which is what 5 times a year then he needs to see a doctor ASAP because that suggests a serious underlying health condition. If that’s not the case and he’s just milking it then stop pandering. I’d give him an ultimatum- doctors or he gets on with it, like everyone else does when they have a cold. And if he won’t see the GP then I wouldn’t be taking leave. I’d go to work and leave him with the kids and he can tell them he’s not driving them to cricket camp, friends etc and that there isn’t a good reason why. Also, go to the theatre. See if a friend can be found but if not go on your own.

Panteranoir · 26/05/2023 17:39

There's no way this is a coincidence.

Tinkerbyebye · 26/05/2023 17:46

Why are you booking time off next week. He has a lickle bitty cold, he doesn’t need to be in bed

over this weekend each day go in draw back the curtains, say time to get up and crack in with your day. If he doesn’t get up fine, but he can get his own drinks and food

and he can get up next week to look after the kids

diddl · 26/05/2023 17:47

Lemsip?

So a bit of a cold/headache/sore throat?

Tell him to crack on with what needs doing & rest in between.

What an embarrassment!

ALongHardWinter · 26/05/2023 17:47

Has The Dressing Gown of Doom appeared yet?

FedUpWithTheNHS · 26/05/2023 17:47

Don’t go on leave.
Go to the theatre on your own.

As you said, your dcs are old enough to look after themselves. If they need taken to activities, I’m sure he’ll be able to do it. Like you would have if roles were reversed.

Stop pandering to him. You’re making his life too easy.

Begonne · 26/05/2023 17:48

It absolutely sucks being ill when you have to look after dc. But it’s just one of those things. I’ve had times where I collected mine from school, detoured through the drive thru and sat them in front of Netflix so I could get back to dying on the sofa. It wasn’t great for anyone.
Obviously I made a huge mistake marrying a husband instead of a wife.

Original poster
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 26/05/2023 17:51

Yeh. Not going to take any additional leave , not that I have much to take, but I'll need to be creative with flexi time of DH does nit get up. DD has a couple of art workshops that I really wouldn't want her to miss.

We have spoken at length about this holiday illness thing. He's been fir a well man check over with our GP and BUPA and had various blood tests, and there's nothing apparently wrong. He eats ok, cycles to work do reasonably fit, and does
his fair share of housework. He swears he doesn't do it deliberately, but he's never ill in term time!!

This has been going on for at least 10 years. We've even stopped st the side of the motorway, 20 mins from home for him to be sick, and missed the first day of our holiday once. And many times he's lain in bed in the hotel/cottage. He appears genuinely ill - he's not reading, watching films or anything. Just lying in bed. I run out of tea and sympathy after about 24 hrs. But whatever he has, we've never got, even when it was d&v.

OP posts:
thatsn0tmyname · 26/05/2023 17:53

Is he wearing the dressing gown of doom?

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 17:54

He needs to dose up and get the fuck on with it, no one needs 4-6 days in bed for a bloody cold.

MissyB1 · 26/05/2023 17:56

thatsn0tmyname · 26/05/2023 17:53

Is he wearing the dressing gown of doom?

He’s planning on wearing it for six days! 😂

Seriously, he’s going to have to suck it up and soldier on - like us mums do!

CosmosQueen · 26/05/2023 17:56

I bet he’s not I’ll if there’s something on he wants to do or see.
I would be absolutely furious with him.

FedUpWithTheNHS · 26/05/2023 17:58

The problem isn’t whether he is deliberately ill during the hols or not.

Its the fact if he is ill, he is suddenly refusing to do any parenting!!
And why should he when you are STILL being creative with your flexi time ‘in case he doesn’t get up’ read he can’t be arsed to be a father and take his responsibilities seriously.

,

HamBone · 26/05/2023 17:59

I have more sympathy for D & V bugs as they can be really nasty, but colds, no.

Wexone · 26/05/2023 17:59

could he be a bit like me? I work crazy hours and have had some stressful jobs. so I found espxauly Xmas whenever I stopped working it was like my body went aghhhh and I would get sick. himself was similar (self employed) we spent one very miserable few days after Xmas one year (same Xmas we got engaged actually) not able to leave the house. we left it fir the 1st time on new years eve for a walk on the beach. so to try and counter that we both have less stressful sometimes jobs but also take a vitamin supplement drink ever day. not sure if you have it on the UK but its called revive ( get it in irlenad ) a little bit expensive but add to water every day abd drink..loads of vitamins etc in it. as my mother says it's a good tonic. we don't get half as much colds and flues these days.

TeaParty4Me · 26/05/2023 18:01

Does he get physical symptoms with it?

If not then there’s nothing stopping him from going to the theatre or looking after the DCs, even if he’s still feeling rough.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve done something with my DD feeling like crap, even if it’s just a walk.

Getting out and about will make him feel better too.

If he has physical symptoms then he needs to see a therapist as it’s obviously very psychological.

Illnesses can be psychological.
If you think you are poorly then you’re going to feel much worse than if you don’t think it.
A couple of weeks ago a few students of mine can’t down with a sickness bug and once I found out I felt really sick, even though previously I felt fine.

I would say he’s fine to go to the theatre but perhaps allow him the day in bed today and go with someone else and then tomorrow he needs to get up and get on with it.

Glitteratitar · 26/05/2023 18:01

Does he work long hours / have an exhausting job any chance?

It has happened to me a few times where as soon as I start annual leave, I become unwell. I think it’s the moment your body finally goes into rest mode.

Now obviously I have no choice but to carry on parenting, but could be a reason why he’s always unwell when he has time off.

RhosynBach · 26/05/2023 18:01

Don’t book leave- your kids are old enough to amuse themselves and dh is not so ill he can’t manage to give them a lift. Just leave him to it. He needs to get a grip

TeaParty4Me · 26/05/2023 18:02

I also get ill every school holiday as my job is stressful and I don’t sleep well during term time and it seems my body saves up all of my sickness for half term.

But I still parent my child.

Travelfan2021 · 26/05/2023 18:03

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/05/2023 18:04

What illness means you can't get out of bed and drive your DC to activities for 4-6 days at a time?
Maybe Covid first time round in pre-vax days but otherwise? He can drive children to local places, or put them in a cab or on the bus, surely? This is just bullshit. Don't give in to it. Go to work and stay there, and let the kids hassle him.

Travelfan2021 · 26/05/2023 18:04

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Cinderellasfeatherduster · 26/05/2023 18:05

Leave him to it. Don’t take your precious leave.

3luckystars · 26/05/2023 18:05

I would just make a joke of it ‘oh you are sick again, ah well that’s rough, I’m getting on with my plans though, all the best!’

bussteward · 26/05/2023 18:07

I genuinely get ill as soon as I “stop”, my mother was the same. But I parent through it! Every mother I know has a harrowing tale of breastfeeding a baby while they’ve had norovirus, looking after a rampaging toddler while they’ve had Covid, doing the school run the day after birth or a section. Etc. And these are grown children who don’t need nearly the same attention! You grit your teeth, take painkillers, get them to their thing or whatever and then go to bed.

I get horrific menstrual migraines and would love to go to bed for three days every month but it’s not an option. He needs to stop behaving as though it’s an option.