On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Your eldest probably has very mixed feelings about all of this too. It’s not just you that your DH betrayed, is it? Your DS probably still loves his dad and is half hoping you’ll work it out and is half terrified that you will too. He’ll never forgive or forget this even if you do.

Although if you value your marriage you don't fuck someone else. This wasn't a one night stand this involved planning and deliberately lying and manipulating.

Those aren't the actions of a person who loves and respects their spouse. And actually without respect love means fuck all

To say i"if it's worth saving try counselling " actually has an air of victim blaming too

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz I think some relationships can continue after cheating .
I don't think the OP's is one of them .

Maybe some but there must be a high % of those that do where the wronged partner seep down can never fully forgive that betrayal

Trust is incredibly hard to get back

And I stand by my comment that if you value your marriage and your family you don't shag someone else. Ever. There is never an excuse for it although people will come up with all sorts of self pitying crap

Hope you're doing ok considering OP.

The honey trap thing made me . Sure, it takes a not very nice woman to do that but I can't have too much sympathy when a man "succumbs" of host own free will and shags a person who isn't their partner.

I agree.
I know that it's the right thing to do to shield children from the worst of the turmoil when your life has been turned upside down but it's also very healthy to show them that it's normal to experience a range of emotions in difficult circumstances and how you work through them particularly for teens.

It's healthy for kids to see that they can have a shit day today, and feel sad about it, but that tomorrow will be different again.

100% agree, you are some lady.
Please be kind to yourself.

Just caught up with you again lovely. Made me laugh, cutting his clothes, the rat deserves it. Wish I'd done that now!. Onyhoo, glad you have support at work etc, also for your boy. Continued good luck to you and kids. 💐.

OP you are amazing.
Just know that.
Keep going x

Enthusiastically seconded.

Thirded. Your fabulous, don't ever forget it.

Fourth’ded

You deserve an Oscar, a Bafta and more for Mum of the year.
Hope the counselling helps for you - you will get through this and in terms of eating agree with the others smoothies, soup all liquid stuff to help you keep going. If you need to get a sleeper to help you sleep ( as believe me without me I was a demon without sleep and it just made me feel worse - I know you said you work nights so maybe you can't do this) but sometimes an antihistamine drowsy one can really help.. my doc put me on phenergan for a little while during that year. We are here for you - Have you had a session with the counsellor yet for yourself and how did you find it? hope you click with them.
Hugs and hugs of virtual hugs - You are a trooper you can do this.

My session is next week. He had his first one today.

Thank you all for your kind words, you'll never know how grateful I am to people on the internet for getting me through my darkest days.

I hope it went well for your son and that yours does too.

Fifthed!

You are awesome, OP, you really are doing better than you think.

The initial shock is wearing off. The hurricane has passed, so you can now start to emerge from 'survival mode', but looking at the devastation that's been caused in that short space of time is going to be a blow. It might feel insurmountable right now, but it WILL get better. The ground will begin to feel more solid under your feet. That doesn't mean it'll be easy, but you can take it as a sign that you are going in the right direction, and coming to terms with everything.

Courage, ma brave!

How are u doing OP x hope you are managing ok x you have been on my mind xxoo hope your kids are ok & that your session helps x virtual hugs xo

I'm ok thank you.

As predicted more came out and more lies and he is currently not living under my roof.

Who knows where it will go, but for now we (me and the kids) are just trying to figure out what a new normal is for us.

Thank you for asking 🙂

@manipulatrice

Well, I'm glad he's gone. You need peace and calm to figure things out and you wouldn't have gotten it with him there.

Glad he's gone the cheating big liar. Now you can concentrate on you and your lovely kids.

You’ve got this @manipulatrice - stand your ground, look after yourself and kids x

Keep going @manipulatrice . You've got this xx

Oh op I can see you are struggling to sleep, I feel so bad for you. You have been so strong well done for giving him the boot. How are the kids coping? I hope you can start to heal now he’s gone, the continued lying must be soul destroying.

OP, you're so impressive with how you're handling this. I'm sorry more crap came out but I'm glad he's not in the house - that's at least one less thing to be confronted with on a daily basis.

I hope you are ok all things considered and I hope your DC are doing ok too xx