On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Hang in there OP! ! Remember, NONE of this is your fault!! Take your time over your decision. Take the days hour by hour ( helps me when I'm really struggling). Tell yourself you just have to get through the next hr. Sending you solidarity and virtual hugs 🫂 🤗

Bear in mind that some companies auto-delete Teams messages after a certain period of time. I think at the company I work for it's 30 days.

Hi @manipulatrice… I keep thinking of you returning home and hoping you’re okay. I can’t imagine it’s been easy or normal, or even nice. Just letting you know you’re not alone. X

Hi OP I've read your thread and I can't imagine what you are going through right now, you have been really strong and of course you will need to continue to do so at home as you deal with the fallout of what has happened. As lots of previous posters have said, you deal with things your way and at your pace, there is no right or wrong way, or a time limit to get things sorted. I'm sure there are certain things to put in place should you decide to end the marriage and there will be lots of Mumsnetters on here who have been in similar situations and can perhaps offer a wealth of information / tips on what to consider or what to do regarding the legalities of it all if that's what you decide. Don't forget to focus on you and allow yourself some breathing space once home, lean on that support network. I wish you all the luck and hope that you are able to move forward in whatever direction you choose for you and your family.

Hope you are ok OP, you are an amazing Mum to ensure the children still had a good holiday despite the devastation your husband has created. Safe travels

Thank you to everyone who got me through the holiday. You'll never know how much I appreciated there being people there to talk to and just to give me some many different thoughts and opinions, I'm truly grateful.

We are home. Who knows what the rest of the day will bring let alone the week. It's all shit and I'm not sure it will get any better, and for me, I don't think time will be a healer. So I will now get my shit in order and figure out how to go about the next steps.

Appropriate name

Indeed. Makes me wonder why this poster is so interested in the answer to that question.

Sending you lots of good luck and virtual hugs 🫂 🤗

The OP is going through a real tough time!

My previous post is meant for you

OP you are an absolute powerhouse for getting through that 'holiday' with your DC. You did an amazing job.

Wishing you continued strength to get you through the next stage.

Sending you strength to get through the immediate few days.
You don't need to make any decisions right now. Take time to decide what you want.
If it means him moving out for a while so be it, if it means him staying home again so be it.
Whatever you do, surround yourself with family and friends who love you and have your best interests at heart.

@manipulatrice

Glad you're home safely. Take your time to figure out your plan for your new life. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Time will be a healer op. But alot of time. Like years. Take care of yourself now because these are the hard yards.
Would it be worth making an appointment with a solicitor just to see where you might stand in case of separation-you don't have to make the decision now but good to have all the info?

I think that would be a good idea. Knowing your options might help you plan your way forward, @manipulatrice

It's lucky his phone was still working after you threw it and it smashed

This was explained 12 days ago.

Thinking of you and amazed at how you got through the holiday with such class.

I can’t help but imagine how different your home must feel to the place you left behind when you went on this holiday OP. You must feel so sad. I just wish I could bring you cups of tea/wine and be your listening ear. I needed one a few years ago and didn’t have anyone.

Hi there,
hard to be home I'm sure.. think your so right talking to a counsellor and great your boss will support pronto - just make sure its a strong relationship counsellor.. not a general one would be my steer. If you want to DM me I can send you deets of person I saw ( can do virtual) who I found great. Initially we went to Relate.. I nearly ran out of there.. the counsellor said that I was too distressed to have sessions and too "depressed" .. to come back another time.. also very little privacy at Relate centres... but now I guess there are virtual arrangements.. You will have up days and down days and I hate him days... for me that continues to this day... and I'm 15 years on from that.. its really tough but you will get through it. Just make sure you see the "right" counsellor and if you don't click then move on.. don't feel obliged to continue with them. I feel for you during this time.. its very tough when kids are involved.. What helped me was to get away just by myself.. I needed to figure out what was best for me versus what was best for my 4 kids etc... it was really hard.. but sometimes you need just to think about yourself.. if you are happy kids are happy if you are angry they sense the tension in the marriage etc.... its just soooooooooooooooooooo hard to navigate. Here for you will check in every few days and keep the faith. Spend time with those who listen and make you laugh.. if possible and treat yourself - blow drys, chocolate whatever floats your boat. Your esteem needs boosting.. I had a similar situation with recordings etc.. and did look at them I just needed to know the details... it sounded invested.. emotionally but he said it wasn't he was just saying those things for the sake of it... When I look back he said things to me at the time when he was with her that were polar opposite.. eg on my birthday he was with her at a business meeting slept with her then I get a message the following am saying I love you and the kids so much beautiful morning here etc... Yet he was in bed with her - WTF!!!!!! if never leaves you the dichotomy of what was said and the actions.. never ever..
Huge virtual hugs

Been thinking of you OP. Please check in when you can and let us know, how you are. X