My pet just died unnecessarily

[Luckycatyellowsky]

I’m really upset. I don’t know what I hope to achieve from this post- but I need to write down what’s in my head. I feel so heartbroken.
I had a beautiful pet tortoise. I know she was “just” a reptile and maybe she didn’t really care for me- but I loved her.
today I had to go in to work early and asked my husband to put her outside in her run after the school run whilst he worked from home. He agreed. He forgot. When I got home she’d gotten stuck upside down under her heat lamp. She had blood coming out her nose and was so so hot. I can’t get the of her out of my head. I tried to revive her- but she was gone. I’ve buried her in the garden and will plant a rose bush over her. I feel sick with guilt I didn’t put her outside myself- I chose not to as it was still cold here at 7 and the grass was damp. My husband sat in the same room as her all day and says he just didn’t notice. I’m so angry with my husband I can barely look at him. I know it was a mistake on his part- he wouldn’t hurt an animal on purpose….but I still feel so cross with him.

Surely the pet should be safe in its tank at all times, even if it does flip over? Are you sure she didn't die of something else and that's just where she ended up?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing anyone could say will take your heartbreak away.

Its a sickening thought of what youre going through. I cant imagine life without my girl.

Be kind to yourself and don't punish yourself.

It's not your fault. Speak to your partner when you feel ready and able.

Other than that I don't think anyone can tell you what to do with him, but we could tell you how we would proceed?

Myself, I honestly don't think I'd be able to move past it. The anger would consume me every time I'd look at him.

Thinking of you xxx

Avoid having children with this man?

So many bitter, presumably lonely idjits here. Who have never made a mistake in their lives.

Good to be so holier than thou. My daughter didn't keep a close enough eye on our hamster. I'll just throw her out and ostracise her forever shall I?

Guess all those recommending ending a marriage over a stupid mistake are single then? Cause none of us are perfect.

Lots of us saying the same thing.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I keep reptiles too (including tortoises) and absolutely adore them. It's a very common problem in tortoises, which is why a thermostat and having plenty of objects around the basking spot (and all over the enclosure to be honest) so they can right themselves when they tip over, is vitally, crucially important.

Please don't blame your husband, it's not very fair, very unkind, and misplaced. It's not his fault in any way, shape or form. Whilst yes, he forgot to pop her outside for some exercise, natural UV and grazing, when she was brought back in, this could have just as easily happened. In fact, it could have just as easily as happened outside in her run. A death under a heat lamp can happen extremely quickly.

Accidents do happen. I do feel in your grief, you are misplacing blame here. A tortoise really needs objects to right itself in its enclosure. With the correct environmental provisions, it shouldn't have been unable to right itself. Its also a safety guard because no one can check an enclosure waiting for a tortoise to maybe flip over, all day.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Give your husband a break. It's really not his fault.

It should be safe in its enclosure at all times, yes. It's not the husband's fault. I'm sure I'll be enemy number one for this, but I do have some (lots) of experience with reptiles, and whilst accidents can happen if the right provisions are provided for righting itself, it shouldn't really happen except in extreme circumstances.

I will say though, the tort flipping upside down under the heat lamp and being found that way, is pretty much the cause of death.

First of all, so sorry for your loss @Luckycatyellowsky

But in response to @PotatoScollop

"having plenty of objects around the basking spot (and all over the enclosure to be honest) so they can right themselves when they tip over, is vitally, crucially important."

As a tortoise breeder of 30 years experience, I strongly disagree with your advice about having plenty of objects positioned around the basking spot. That is actually the number one cause of this sort of tragedy, along with having a basking spot that is far too hot.

There is a greatly reduced likelihood of the tortoise flipping onto its back under a heat lamp if that basking spot is well away from any obstacles. Any tortoise is far more likely to flip when it's climbing over or attempting to scale something. Their heat lamp needs to be positioned well away from the side walls of the enclosure as well as away from obstacles within their habitat.

Yes, having things around to push against helps them to right themselves, but there's no guarantee even then that they will be able to do so, so the main aim is to make it less likely that they will flip over in a dangerous position.

I also always advise people who take my hatchlings that it is FAR safer for them to be exposed to cool temperatures for a while than it is to be left unsupervised with a heat lamp set to provide a basking spot of ~30C, so I recommend that if they're leaving them unattended for any length of time, they turn off the heat lamp (or raise it high enough to give a ~20C basking spot) and just leave the hatchling at room temperature while they're out.

Really heartbreaking to read, I’m so so so sorry op 💔

Then you'll be aware that most enclosures on the market do not allow tortoises to have such open space (ie. away from edges of the enclosure) for this to not happen. Thus why objects to right themselves are needed.

Most tortoise enclosures, if not custom built, are not anywhere near large enough to allow this. Heck most arent even the suitable type for the individual species. Tortoises frequently tip themselves over scaling the edges of enclosures. I've seen one do it in on the sides of a run, and if it hadnt been for the objects located in the center, wouldn't have righted itself.

A lack of environmental enrichment isn't the way to prevent this happening. Theres plenty of large boid breeders that breed their animals in tubs. With no enrichment. It absolutely does not mean it's the correct way to do it. Breeding an animal does not always (sadly) equate with good practice, even, in reptiles.

I am so very sorry for your loss, you must be feeling devastated. Losing a beloved pet is so hard.

What species are you breeding, by the way? 20c basking spot for any length of time, sounds like a recipe for an RI in quite a few species. Even with good ambient temps.

Remember also, this isnt a hatchling tortoise. You can see as much from its sie.

Oh god, sweetheart that is horrendous. I feel awful having read that so can only imagine how you must feel. Please give yourself permission to be emotional and grieve. The unconditional love we receive and give to our animals is precious.

I will donate to a reptile charity in honour of your tortoise.

🫂

Wow. Where to start... I will never sell my hatchlings to anyone who isn't willing to provide adequate space. I don't allow them to go to anyone who cannot provide adequate, secure outdoor housing for the warmer months and a spacious tortoise table for when they have to be indoors.

There is no way that a tortoise who has flipped over from climbing the walls of a suitable sized tortoise table should be able to end up under a correctly positioned heat lamp. If it's placed centrally and they can end up stuck underneath it from climbing the side walls, then they're being kept in abusively cramped conditions.

"Lack of environmental enrichment" won't happen due to not having dangerous obstacles within one area of an appropriate sized indoor tortoise enclosure.

What has the abhorrent practice (IMHO) of keeping snakes in cramped breeding racks got to do with correct husbandry of tortoises?

"I've seen one do it in on the sides of a run, and if it hadnt been for the objects located in the center, wouldn't have righted itself."

Hopefully that wasn't one of your own tortoises, since that is obviously a clear description of someone keeping a tortoise in far too small a space?

And in response to your query about what species I breed - currently only Eastern Hermann's, but even the far more sensitive Tunisian Spur Thighed tortoises that I bred when I lived in the UK would not be harmed in the slightest by being kept at 20C while their owners take the occasional day trip out 😆 Do you think that their native habitat stays hot and sunny, constantly?

@Luckycatyellowsky Sorry for slightly derailing your tragic thread but I just wanted to share my experience and advice in case it could help prevent this from happening to anyone else. Maybe in time you will feel able to consider taking in another tortoise. As someone else mentioned upthread, maybe a rescue in need of a caring and knowledgeable home. If so, please feel free to PM me. I've not been directly involved in UK tortoise rescue/rehab for a few years now, but still have lots of contacts.

OP, I know it’s not what you want to hear and it will be hard to hear but I do agree that the set up just doesn’t sound safe - it just shouldn’t have been able to have happened in the first place.

This isn't a man woman thing. A woman could just as easily forgotten. Not everything is an opportunity to bash men

People legitimately forget their dc in hot cars. People are so overloaded these days and when something is out of the norm it is easy to forget things.

Wow then I guess you hate @TotallyScouting too as the same thing happened. No? Why not? Or is it just because it was a dh. They seem to be a hated subspecies on MN.
It was an accident. It could have happened any time as it did with @TotallyScouting
Yes he forgot to put the little guy out but the flipping and over heating could have happened any time at all. That part was an accident. We all forget things. Jesus people gave even forgotten their dc and left them in hot cars whilst they are at work because it was out of schedule for them to drive them to nursery. Tragedies are not always caused by bad people.

I'm so sorry. She wasn't even just a pet she was a member of your family! Of course you are upset.

I'm still upset about losing our DBoycat and there was nothing we could do. To lose her this way is devastating.

So sorry to see you have lost your pet OP xxx

I'm going to go against the grain a bit with the blame of DH. It sounds like it could've happened any time. Also tortoises really are buggers for getting themselves into unsafe situations they shouldn't (male tortoises are particularly good at that!!) and they aren't very adept at getting themselves out of dangerous situations either. Just a horrible accident xx

😂

Yeah, I mean reading people type "I couldn't stay with him after that", bizzare!

Court papers, reason for divorce:

'male was calpable in the death of a pet tortoise'

Not to mention the wise posters shouting “don’t have kids with him”!

I’ve literally been sat here thinking ‘ is there something wrong with me?…. Should I be angry at the accidental death of a tortoise!’ Thank you for offering perspective. I really think this post has opened my eyes as to how people comment on what is important to them…. And it can generate a very biased highly emotive and disproportionate ‘advice’

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie presumably your daughter wasn't a grown adult when she had her hamster.

You all talk as if this tortoise was some inanimate object. It wasn't. It was ALVE and was much loved family member for op.

This was a grown up man who was in the same room as the pet the whole day, who agreed to the responsibility of taking the tortoise and majorly let op down. Whether he forgot or not his forgetfulness (laziness) cost the op her pets life.

I don't think it's far fetched to say if I can't trust my partner with a pet I'd struggle to trust him with a baby we would share. You didn't share the responsibility of taking care of child with your daughter, so again, just not the same thing.

Also I'm not bitter and lonely I have my own dc and dp and we both agreed upon reading this thread it would be a major red flag of trust for us had we not had dc and one of us caused our pet dog/cat to die.