My pet just died unnecessarily

[Luckycatyellowsky]

I’m really upset. I don’t know what I hope to achieve from this post- but I need to write down what’s in my head. I feel so heartbroken.
I had a beautiful pet tortoise. I know she was “just” a reptile and maybe she didn’t really care for me- but I loved her.
today I had to go in to work early and asked my husband to put her outside in her run after the school run whilst he worked from home. He agreed. He forgot. When I got home she’d gotten stuck upside down under her heat lamp. She had blood coming out her nose and was so so hot. I can’t get the of her out of my head. I tried to revive her- but she was gone. I’ve buried her in the garden and will plant a rose bush over her. I feel sick with guilt I didn’t put her outside myself- I chose not to as it was still cold here at 7 and the grass was damp. My husband sat in the same room as her all day and says he just didn’t notice. I’m so angry with my husband I can barely look at him. I know it was a mistake on his part- he wouldn’t hurt an animal on purpose….but I still feel so cross with him.

It's very sad but I don't see how it's your husband's fault. Your set up was unsafe. This should never have been able to happen.

It's nothing to do with forgetting to put the tortoise out, is it?

It's the fact that the lamp was too hot and this could have happened any time.

Maybe stop blaming him and try to work out what went wrong so it can't happen again.

Sorry, IT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE.....
(but not divorceworthy....)

Don't be so bloody ridiculous

Sorry to hear about your tortoise. I have to say though I don’t get all this talk of forgiveness and how your husband is currently feeling so awful…. It was an accident and it just seems disproportionate for all this blame

I'm so sorry for your loss op. It's always sad when a pet dies but in situations like this it feels even more heartbreaking and you must be feeling so shaken by finding her that way. I once had a similar situation and it was very hard to deal with the fact it was my fault. I totally get why you aren't able to speak with your dh yet, I do sympathise with him as well, he must be feeling dreadful.

Perhaps my calibration is off, but I honestly don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive this.

It's a freak accident. In the winter when she was in her tank all day, if no one was home it would have just as likely happened then. It's not negligent, people are making out like he's some sort of monster and insinuating the OP should break up her family over a horrible accident. You should be ashamed of yourselves for thriving off the drama when OP is vulnerable and upset.
I'm very sorry for your loss op, but this is no one's fault. A horrible accident and I hope you are ok x

Oh I'm so very sorry.

Marigold was beautiful l. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Loved the image of her stomping about the garden xXx

This is horrible. I have two tortoise and can’t imagine how I would feel if the worst happened. I can understand your current feelings but it really wasn’t your husbands fault. Tortoises are usually able to flip themselves back over (I’ve seen my tortoises do it plenty of times). Otherwise they’d never survive in the wild. It could have happened outside just as easily.

if you do ever decide to get another (obviously too soon to think about now), having lots of big rocks and stones in their enclosures can help them to flip themselves back. Also ensure under the lamp is 32 degrees maximum. I’m sure you do this already but thought I’d say in case of others reading this!

my sympathies OP ❤️

Sorry to hear op, I don’t think I’d forgive DP if he did that. My uncles have a tortoise and when I’m dog sitting for them I’m constantly making sure she’s not on her back. I always check before I leave as she wanders the garden so I always worry about her.

What a gorgeous creature. I’m so sorry for your loss.

I'm Sorry for your loss. You obviously love your tortoise.

I don't see how it's your DH fault. Your tortoise flipped over and it was a terrible accident and surely could've happened at any time.

So sorry OP. Truly awful and heartbreaking 😓

Just to say how sorry I am this has happened. Animals we bond with are truly precious and I hope you are able to find the time to rest and come to terms with this. What a horrid experience.

I had a series of unfortunate events with rabbits; in one instance asked a family member to bring it in for the night - they didn’t, and the silly thing didn’t go into hutch outdoors so got hypothermia… then a second was left in a kennel when we went on hol and it took a seizure and died.

So I really do empathise with what you’re going through.

We can’t be there all of the time and have to rely on others sometimes.

You could put a lot of energy into beating yourself or husband up emotionally, or questioning how the tortoise got on its back, or any number of scenarios that may have played out. But this is unlikely to be helpful to you in dealing with the death of your pet.

It is so very sad that the death has occurred and in such a terrible fashion. You gave her/him a beautiful burial and now all you can do is be thankful for the time you had.

Having a huge fallout with DH will only hurt you further. When you are ready you can discuss. Until then sleep well and take care. 💐

Op I am so bloody sorry. We had a tortoise when we were children called speedy.Our dog buried him and now 50 years later I think about him/ her .
My friend has a tortoise who is probably about 80 now and she will not go on holiday during hibernation season.Am really sorry 😢

RIP Marigold

What do they do in the wild when they get stuck on their back?

Avoid having children with this man.

I wouldn’t get past it. Husband is clearly a fucking idiot and poor tortoise died in excruciating pain most likely. He was in the same room. Bet he was fiddling with his phone and / or watching football. He had time to do that but not put her in her run 😔

Sympathies OP

Most definitely

Rock themselves back over
Use rocks/branches/bits of wood or debris on the ground to help tip them back over
Use their feet/neck muscles to right themselves
Die

www.tortoiseowner.com/can-an-upside-down-tortoise-turn-itself-over/.

So sorry for your loss.

I hope your husband does something really really nice for you to try and say sorry.

What a load of utter toss. Nowhere has OP said that she didn’t have a thermostat for her heat lamp. It was just an unfortunate scenario where the tortoise flipped over in the wrong place in its viv too close to the lamp

OP -sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend