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Original poster

My pet just died unnecessarily

232 replies

Luckycatyellowsky · 23/05/2023 20:28

I’m really upset. I don’t know what I hope to achieve from this post- but I need to write down what’s in my head. I feel so heartbroken.
I had a beautiful pet tortoise. I know she was “just” a reptile and maybe she didn’t really care for me- but I loved her.
today I had to go in to work early and asked my husband to put her outside in her run after the school run whilst he worked from home. He agreed. He forgot. When I got home she’d gotten stuck upside down under her heat lamp. She had blood coming out her nose and was so so hot. I can’t get the of her out of my head. I tried to revive her- but she was gone. I’ve buried her in the garden and will plant a rose bush over her. I feel sick with guilt I didn’t put her outside myself- I chose not to as it was still cold here at 7 and the grass was damp. My husband sat in the same room as her all day and says he just didn’t notice. I’m so angry with my husband I can barely look at him. I know it was a mistake on his part- he wouldn’t hurt an animal on purpose….but I still feel so cross with him.

OP posts:
curlymom · 23/05/2023 22:21

So sorry. X

rubytubeytubes · 23/05/2023 22:22

Sorry for your loss.
Tortoises are not meant to be anyone’s pet, it’s not fair or kind to do that, please reflect on this carefully and don’t get another one.

Londonlady1423 · 23/05/2023 22:22

I'm so so sorry, as a fellow pet lover I really feel your pain, your feelings are valid. It sounds like your husband made a mistake, a big mistake, take some time to grieve and feel angry but I'd forgive him if he is remorseful.

Dashel · 23/05/2023 22:24

I’m so sorry for your loss it’s never “just a” she was a loved family member and although it’s hard right now please try to focus on the good times and memories that you have of her

Londonlady1423 · 23/05/2023 22:25

rubytubeytubes · 23/05/2023 22:22

Sorry for your loss.
Tortoises are not meant to be anyone’s pet, it’s not fair or kind to do that, please reflect on this carefully and don’t get another one.

Wow that was unnecessarily hurtful to post at this time, why shouldn't a tortoise be fed and cared for as a pet, the op was clearly caring for her.

Zoflorabore · 23/05/2023 22:25

Oh op I’m so sorry about your girl. It’s clear from your post that you loved her very much and I’m sure she knew that. I hope you can find some peace, it’s a horrible thing to happen and you’ve had a terrible shock. Hugs to you 💕

Feliciacat · 23/05/2023 22:26

I am so sorry for your loss. Marigold sounds like a wonderful tortoise and you sound like a very loving owner. You will miss her forever I’m sure.

If your husband had put her out then she wouldn’t have died that day, it’s true. I do agree with other posters that it sounds like the heat lamp was faulty so maybe she would have died soon due to that anyway. I mean, it’s terrible she’s died but I think it was ultimately the lamp, not your husband not putting her out that killed her. It’s also true that if he had paid more attention then maybe he could have saved her; people aren’t wrong for saying that. Maybe he was having a stressful day at work so was ‘in his head’ that day. That doesn’t make him a bad person. I’m sure there were many other days when he didn’t check on her for similar reasons and it never mattered before.

I think you have every right to feel angry and sad; you’ve lost a beautiful friend, Marigold. You need to mourn. It probably is best to not speak to DH yet. He sounds sorry, at least there’s that. I don’t think he’s a terrible or lazy person or anything like that though. It’s a tragic event where a number of unfortunate things lined up and ended in her death. Maybe contact the lamp manufacturer, they owe you something.

FrangipaniBlue · 23/05/2023 22:27

Marigold was a fabulous name for a fabulously posh little tortoise!

I talk to mine too. And the dog. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm bonkers.

adularia · 23/05/2023 22:27

I’m so so sorry.

Batalax · 23/05/2023 22:28

Could it have happened overnight? Was it just an accident that could have happened at any time? Was it just bad luck that your dh should have noticed her and didn’t?

Not trying to excuse him, but trying to make it easier to eventually forgive him.

DMLady · 23/05/2023 22:28

I’m so sorry, OP. It’s awful losing a beloved pet but even worse when it’s both unexpected and a horrible way to go. I wish I could say something to help but I’m not sure there is anything. Sending love.

olympicsrock · 23/05/2023 22:29

This was an accident and could have happened at any time. The tortoise flipped over. Please don’t blame your poor husband

ThisMama1 · 23/05/2023 22:30

Oh I’m so sorry, you must be heartbroken. I’ve got a gecko & absolutely adore him. People seem to think because they’re not a dog or a cat then it’s just not as upsetting but I’d be devastated. I really am so sorry for your loss & under such awful circumstances xx

Kamia · 23/05/2023 22:31

A mistake is forgetting to take out the bins or throwing socks into the dirty laundry basket and missing. This is a living being we are talking about. If it was your babies it would be inexcusable.

Hankunamatata · 23/05/2023 22:31

I'd be so upset. Bet your husband feels terrible too.

Youngatheart00 · 23/05/2023 22:32

I’m so sorry about your tortoise, that is heartbreaking 💔 it was a tragic accident though. You loved her very very much. Got tears in my eyes typing this as I know how much pets mean x

hellosunshine8 · 23/05/2023 22:32

I'm so sorry OP, how devastating.

Is it a freak accident to get stuck in her shell under the heat lamp?

I've had two near freak accidents that I know of with my dogs over the years. I only know if two because I was there for them. One time one was being silly on his crate and got his jaw stuck open on the crate and started panicking yanking his head back. He freed himself before I could but I was terrified he was going to break his jaw.

And then a couple of months ago my (large) but young retriever was rolling on his back in the front room and managed to get his hip wedged under the radiator. He was shrieking and panicking and I had to hurt him a bit to push him back under to get him out, I was worried he was going to break his pelvis. He was so distraught he wet himself, poor lad.

If I hadn't have been there for that last one I absolutely think he could have died. As could my other dog if he hadn't managed to free himself.

So sorry for your loss x

aLittleWhiteHorse · 23/05/2023 22:33

I’m so sorry for your loss; Marigold was beautiful. I’d be so upset too, and I’d find this hard to forgive but as you say, it was a thoughtless but accidental event. Just grieve for the next few days and be sad, and acknowledge your feelings perhaps.

FrangipaniBlue · 23/05/2023 22:35

To those commenting on OPs heat lamp - it's unlikely that's what caused it alone.

Tortoises cannot breathe on their backs due to their anatomy and location of their internal organs. Add in a bit of dehydration and exerted effort from trying to right herself.

My boy is 20 and has quite a domed shell so can rock himself and flip back over.

But from the photos OPs tort was still young and her shell quite smoothe so it would have been difficult for her to rock herself.

@Luckycatyellowsky I hope knowing this makes you feel a little better about your DH as this could easily have happened if you were both out of the house, so please don't fixate on the fact he didn't put her outside.

IKnowItsNotMine · 23/05/2023 22:39

I’ve always wanted a tortoise that’s so sad 😞

CottagePieLaLaLa · 23/05/2023 22:39

I am so very sorry for you.

Feliciacat · 23/05/2023 22:40

FrangipaniBlue · 23/05/2023 22:35

To those commenting on OPs heat lamp - it's unlikely that's what caused it alone.

Tortoises cannot breathe on their backs due to their anatomy and location of their internal organs. Add in a bit of dehydration and exerted effort from trying to right herself.

My boy is 20 and has quite a domed shell so can rock himself and flip back over.

But from the photos OPs tort was still young and her shell quite smoothe so it would have been difficult for her to rock herself.

@Luckycatyellowsky I hope knowing this makes you feel a little better about your DH as this could easily have happened if you were both out of the house, so please don't fixate on the fact he didn't put her outside.

Good point. I am no expert on tortoises! Thank you for the information. I agree with you that this could have happened another time too (sadly).

EbonyRaven · 23/05/2023 22:43

hellosunshine8 · 23/05/2023 22:32

I'm so sorry OP, how devastating.

Is it a freak accident to get stuck in her shell under the heat lamp?

I've had two near freak accidents that I know of with my dogs over the years. I only know if two because I was there for them. One time one was being silly on his crate and got his jaw stuck open on the crate and started panicking yanking his head back. He freed himself before I could but I was terrified he was going to break his jaw.

And then a couple of months ago my (large) but young retriever was rolling on his back in the front room and managed to get his hip wedged under the radiator. He was shrieking and panicking and I had to hurt him a bit to push him back under to get him out, I was worried he was going to break his pelvis. He was so distraught he wet himself, poor lad.

If I hadn't have been there for that last one I absolutely think he could have died. As could my other dog if he hadn't managed to free himself.

So sorry for your loss x

Awwww, I hope your lovely retriever is OK now. Flowers

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 23/05/2023 22:43

Bloody hell. Haven't read through the whole thread, but posters saying they couldn't get over this, with the implication you would break your marriage up over this. Unbelievable.

It's a mistake. What are you going to do if your child makes a similar mistake, put them up for adoption? Ridiculous.

He made a mistake. A really awful one, but a mistake nonetheless. You'll forgive him in time.

So sorry for loss op. Your tortoise sounds awesome.

pleasehelpwi3 · 23/05/2023 22:45

Lesina · 23/05/2023 21:39

I would never forgive anyone who allowed an animal to die in such horrific circumstances due to their negligence. Says a huge amount about your husband and possibly more about you if you let this go. What an incredibly awful death that poor animal had. Unforgivable

I hope you have never made a genuine mistake in your life. Marriage is a partnership, it's about the rough with the smooth. It is not most unfortunate what happened to the animal; I am sure many of us eat animals- myself included- that experience as much pain and suffering as this poor creature in abattoirs and on farms on a daily basis.