Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My pet just died unnecessarily

232 replies

Luckycatyellowsky · 23/05/2023 20:28

I’m really upset. I don’t know what I hope to achieve from this post- but I need to write down what’s in my head. I feel so heartbroken.
I had a beautiful pet tortoise. I know she was “just” a reptile and maybe she didn’t really care for me- but I loved her.
today I had to go in to work early and asked my husband to put her outside in her run after the school run whilst he worked from home. He agreed. He forgot. When I got home she’d gotten stuck upside down under her heat lamp. She had blood coming out her nose and was so so hot. I can’t get the of her out of my head. I tried to revive her- but she was gone. I’ve buried her in the garden and will plant a rose bush over her. I feel sick with guilt I didn’t put her outside myself- I chose not to as it was still cold here at 7 and the grass was damp. My husband sat in the same room as her all day and says he just didn’t notice. I’m so angry with my husband I can barely look at him. I know it was a mistake on his part- he wouldn’t hurt an animal on purpose….but I still feel so cross with him.

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 23/05/2023 20:45

I’m really sorry for your loss, OP.

LlamasUnited · 23/05/2023 20:46

Oh I’m so sorry, that’s really sad, your poor little tortoise. I’d be really upset with him tbh.

stayathomegardener · 23/05/2023 20:47
Flowers
lafado · 23/05/2023 20:48

Something similar happened to me, I had a cat that I adored, I needed to move into accommodation temporarily where I couldn't keep the cat so a family member took her in. She was a house cat and didn't have any safety awareness outside. the family member completely fell in love with her and when I was able to take the cat back they said she was happier with them and asked if they could keep her. Over the years I knew they were letting the cat out and there is a busy road outside and I contemplated several times taking the cat back, but I'd see pictures of the cat curled up happy and my DH persuaded me against taking the cat back, saying things like they didn't want an indoor cat and having to change a litter tray and the cat was happy where she was. The cat ended up being hit by a car and dying, albeit a number of years after the rehoming.

I blamed myself and talked it through with my counsellor, they told me I had this idea that I could control everything and that it's my fault things happen, eg had I gone and taken the cat back the cat would still be alive, when actually these situations are out of my control and we can't live our lives by what ifs.

It's just a horrible situation to be in, but you made the decision that you thought was right, you thought this was the best decision for the well-being of your pet, you put trust in someone and then something happened which was out of your control. The same with my situation.

I'm sorry for your loss.

CheeseTouch · 23/05/2023 20:48

I am so sorry for your loss. He sounded lovely. Please talk some more about him if it helps 💐

MabelFurball · 23/05/2023 20:49

Oh love I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen. 😔

purpleme12 · 23/05/2023 20:50

I'm so sorry OP 😢😢😢
Your tortoise sounds amazing

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 20:51

This is so sad. I'm sending all the tortoisey love I can. They're such beautiful creatures, I've always wanted one. Your dp must be mortified and is probably being a bit defensive because of how bad he feels. It's not on though at all xx

Puppyseahorse · 23/05/2023 20:51

lafado · 23/05/2023 20:48

Something similar happened to me, I had a cat that I adored, I needed to move into accommodation temporarily where I couldn't keep the cat so a family member took her in. She was a house cat and didn't have any safety awareness outside. the family member completely fell in love with her and when I was able to take the cat back they said she was happier with them and asked if they could keep her. Over the years I knew they were letting the cat out and there is a busy road outside and I contemplated several times taking the cat back, but I'd see pictures of the cat curled up happy and my DH persuaded me against taking the cat back, saying things like they didn't want an indoor cat and having to change a litter tray and the cat was happy where she was. The cat ended up being hit by a car and dying, albeit a number of years after the rehoming.

I blamed myself and talked it through with my counsellor, they told me I had this idea that I could control everything and that it's my fault things happen, eg had I gone and taken the cat back the cat would still be alive, when actually these situations are out of my control and we can't live our lives by what ifs.

It's just a horrible situation to be in, but you made the decision that you thought was right, you thought this was the best decision for the well-being of your pet, you put trust in someone and then something happened which was out of your control. The same with my situation.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This is a great post.

cherrypied · 23/05/2023 20:52

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your beloved pet. What an awful shock.

That is very traumatic for you OP. You are not over reacting.

I hope your husband is contrite.

Museya15 · 23/05/2023 20:52

Oh god, that's so sad. Don't blame your husband, it was an accident.

EbonyRaven · 23/05/2023 20:53

Oh GOD that's so sad, and such a tragic thing to happen. But you were in no way responsible for this @Luckycatyellowsky PLEASE know that. Sad

Also, please try and forgive your husband. I bet he is full of guilt and remorse. Poor tortoise, a very unpleasant way to go. But sometimes life deals us these nasty curveballs. Please be kind to yourself. Flowers R.I.P. Torti!

lostinmaze · 23/05/2023 20:54

Op I sobbed with we had to have my son's hamster pts at 3, they have a piece of your heart no matter what they are, I'm so sorry 💓

Atethehalloweenchocs · 23/05/2023 20:54

I couldn't read without posting - I am so sorry for your loss. Your tortoise sounds like an amazing little girl, and a good companion - the bit about your toes made me laugh. As a PP said, I would have to hang on to the fact that it was not deliberate and your husband obviously feels terrible. But I would be similar to you, needing distance for a time while I processed. Our pets are so much more than 'just' an animal. I always plant something lovely in my garden to remember my pets, maybe that would be something she would have liked?

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/05/2023 20:56

I’m so sorry, that’s an awful thing to happen to her.

Id find it hard to move past that too.

Obeseandashamed · 23/05/2023 20:57

I'm so sorry. I'm really not a reptile person; in fact they scare me quite a bit and I actively avoid them but reading this made me tearful.

EbonyRaven · 23/05/2023 20:57

lostinmaze · 23/05/2023 20:54

Op I sobbed with we had to have my son's hamster pts at 3, they have a piece of your heart no matter what they are, I'm so sorry 💓

Sad
Hummmmaybe · 23/05/2023 20:58

I completely understand and feel for you. My tortoise also died unnecessarily by a tragic accident at the hands of my husband. I was hugely in shock for a while.
It took a while to forgive but ultimately it was an accident so you have to try and hold onto that. Sorry for your loss

Kassalah · 23/05/2023 20:59

I am so sorry for your loss, what an awful thing to happen. I had a pet tortoise, he was lovely.

EbonyRaven · 23/05/2023 20:59

My heart giggled too for a second, when I hurt about the toe nibbling. That's so cute @Luckycatyellowsky She was lucky to have you for 4 years! And you were to have her. Such a sad ending, but please don't blame yourself Flowers

AmeliaWarnerBros · 23/05/2023 21:00

I'm so sorry, OP. I'd be furious with the bloody husband too, but I hope you can derive some comfort from the fact that you loved her & gave her a great life, short as it was.

What was her name? Would you like to post a picture of her? Maybe that'd help?

I love tortoises. We once had a neighbour's tortoise pop over to say hello via their garden. We called her jaws at first as she could really eat (& really run when she wanted to!), only to then find out she was called Jemima.

RIP 🌺

Original poster
Luckycatyellowsky · 23/05/2023 21:00

I buried her with clover and dandilions. She loved those. My big kids were upset too- although I didn’t mention anything about dad not putting her out. Just said she’d had a nasty accident. My littlest one adored her too. She’s only two. I don’t think she’ll understand she’s gone. Her name was marigold. She was a male tortoise tbh- it I didn’t know that at the time I got her and I’ve always considered her a girl regardless. Didn’t seem
to matter.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 23/05/2023 21:01

so sorry op id find it hard to forgive that explanation

the same room all day and he didnt notice?

duchessofginlane · 23/05/2023 21:02

That's terrible! Frankly, your DH should feel guilty - how negligent and thoughtless! You will have to forgive him at some point but he should be very, very sorry. There was no need for this.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

sadsack78 · 23/05/2023 21:02

I'm so sorry you lost your girl 💐

Tortoises are such loveable little creatures, and you must have spent lots of time taking care of her and giving her love. Pets are family.

Don't feel bad if you're upset and in shock. Try and be as kind to yourself as possible. Cry if you need to. Make yourself a lovely cup of tea/ hot chocolate/ whatever you fancy (even better, if you have a friend or someone who can pop round, give you a hug and make it for you, do that!)

Sending you love and a big hug OP 😔