How sorted is your life if you are mid forties?

[jhgh]

Feel like I am suddenly at that stage where I've realised that I'm more than half way through my life and need to take stock and make the best of the rest of it!

Summary:-
Very lucky to have a lovely husband, a lovely tween ds ( would have liked more kids but started late and didn't happen) feel sad about that but it is what it is
Decent career but stayed too long and overlooked at current company so need to make a move soon to reach the top if indeed I want it!
Some nice friends and acquaintances but no real best friends as have moved around and lost touch
Very close to elderly dps who I am eternally thankful are blessed with decent health
Small house in expensive area .. would ideally like something a bit bigger and closer to ds school but can't justify mortgage increase
Can afford holidays and eating out but not too often

When I look at all this on paper I realise I am so lucky but I feel like I need to aim for something for the next stage in my life

Anyone else feel the same?

Similar to you. I'd never moan because I have so much to be grateful for but something is missing. I think it is adventure and adrenaline. I do hobbies that plug the gap but they are simply hobbies.

It’s all lovely, others could only dream of your set up.

I’ll just leave this here….

You need a fit mid-20s PT who can give you a good workout to get your blood racing again iykwim

💁🏻‍♀️

Good health and good teeth. Never take either for granted.

This plus good mental health.

Just moved into a lovely house (needs a lot of work). Great husband who pulls his weight. Genuinely like my job. One DS. Enough money left over. All very blessed. BUT. DF deceased. DM end stage lung cancer. And I'm two stone overweight which I'm just not in the right headspace to tackle. So nice shoes but a few stones in them.

Relatively happy marriage, not a home owner but a comfortable renters, so enough that we aren't watching the pennies. Three children under the age of 10, good health except for pmdd that steals a week of every month.

Always been a looker, but wrinkles appeared overnight, and definitely losing looks and putting on weight this last couple of years.

Pretty happy with lot in life overall I guess. Would like to get back to pre kids me in the sense of time and energy, and general get up and go, but have to be realistic and say that isn't going to happen for another few years when the kids are older.

I have such plans for when I can finally leave the house alone at a moments notice!

Very happy. A lovely husband who understands me, two beautiful, healthy and happy school aged kids, own a lovely house, good household income. I exercise at least 3 times a week, we go on holiday 2-3 times a year.

I didn't have a particularly happy childhood (is a massive understatement) so I don't take these things for granted. I am truly grateful for my loving family.

Happily married to DH, been together 23 years
Lovely teen DS who is generally a happy, easy going lad
Really enjoy my job, 20 years nhs
Mortgage paid off
Anxiety under control

Poor physical health which is only going to get worse sadly
Need to save more for DSs future and our own
FIL sadly has cancer
Reactive rescue dog who we love dearly but is a constant source of stress
Friendship groups have all gone south post covid

I’m 42. I think most people our sort of age are full of things they want to do or thought they wanted to do and now might not do or be able to do. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that…!

I have a mortgage free home, married many years, lovely dc. But I’m plagued with disabilities. I’m overweight - always previously been very slim but now overweight due to steroids and other medications. I feel like a bit of a shadow of my younger self and I don’t like that. I am quite a vain person and I wish I wasn’t, I’m trying not to be, and to be more grateful, but it’s hard.

Been there done that… now divorced haha!!

Absolutely not where I thought would be in terms of stability, income, feeling secure.

But I have a lot to be grateful and thankful for and truly believe my 50s will be the decade where my hard work, positivity and effort will pay off (my 20s were not great, 30s brilliant, 40s okay… ebbs and flow etc!)

No spouse, no kids. Close to family, with some good friends old and new. Lucky to be healthy. Decent career which means I'm finally about to become a first time buyer at the age of 43. For which I am grateful but also worried about paying the mortgage off before I retire/finances in old age. So could be better, could be worse.
I can't even think how I want the next 20 years or so to look so I do understand the desire to have something to aim for.

Hmm, interesting question. I was sort of thinking about this earlier.

On paper, I am really lucky. 2 lovely teenagers, happily divorced, lots of hobbies and friends, nice job, decent salary, pretty reasonable health. I'm probably as well off as I've been (in terms of my mortgage is small, reasonable salary, maintenance, only other debt is student loan).

And yet, I'm not really happy. I actually feel quite anxious and stressed. I can't really put my finger on why but I think a big chunk of it is knowing things are going to change a lot over the next 3-5 years. Kids will move out at some point, maintenance will stop but they'll need help with uni, parents are very elderly and quite a distance away so that's a worry. Having grown up poor, I think I'm very aware of how quickly things can go wrong.

Married (generally content but could be better), 2 healthy happy DC, nice house, financial security, part-time job I enjoy, close relationship with siblings, good friends. On the downside, my DPs both died recently, I don't get to see friends or practise hobbies as often as I'd like, and I am reluctant to exercise, which I know would improve my life in lots of ways. Can't complain - I know I'm lucky.

My life is pretty good - nice house in good area, 2 lovely kids who are both leaving state education next month (one doing GCSEs and the other Alevels), run my own business, very comfortable financially, good friends and family.

However my physicall health has been crap for the last 18 months which has also adversely affected my MH. DH has taken voluntary redundancy and is looking for new avenues as he has become too fed up of working in the sector he is in. DD will (hopefully) be starting uni in Sept which is exciting but makes me anxious! DS will be starting an apprenticeship which is great but I worry about him not being around his peers anymore (he is autistic and friendships have been tricky). My business is struggling a bit with cost of living crisis. Big friendship group has gone south since covid and so I only see people on a 121 basis now. So much change which makes me feel a bit uneasy. Hopefully it will be positive change!

I'm 44 now and I can see why people have a midlife crisis around this age. It's a weird time.

Generally I am happy with my life though 😊

I'm alive, I'm healthy-ish, I have good food in my belly and a comfy safe place to sleep, books to read and people to love, and so do my children. Anything else is meaningless.

I’m 42 and I feel about 10 years behind in life to be honest. I spent my 30s having therapy for extensive childhood trauma and dealing with some serious health problems. Found it hard to imagine a future. Didn’t take good care of my teeth or pay enough into pension which I regret bitterly now. Thought we could never have kids due to health issues.

i joined the civil service at 40 so getting the pension situation sorted. We are buying our first house now - worried about paying the mortgage off much later into life but can overpay and are so excited to be homeowners.

And we are TTC, probably too late but going to give it a go for a bit and then apply to adopt rather than going down the IVF route.

Sometimes I feel very sad as I imagined a very different life for myself at this age when I imagined anything at all. but I think we’re in the process of turning things around.

Also have a great relationship with my parents these days, much better than when I was young.

Glad to see this thread OP. I'm bang in middle of my 40s. Two kids (big gap, so at very different stages), decent house (albeit with plenty of mortgage left), decent husband, decent friends, decent salary (for my industry) and a job that offers many exciting elements (for me).

BUT I spend my days accompanied by a horrible sense of melancholy that all the exciting parts of life (falling in love! freedom! babies!) are behind me, yet also terrified of my own mortality.

Which written down makes me look like a right ingrate.

Happily single
financially comfortable
career comfortable but switches between wanting to do something completely different (but don’t know what and can’t really afford time out to retrain) and loving it.
parents still just about holding it together.
good group of friends and social cirxle
fairly healthy and fit
could do with loosing a few lb though
peri-menopause can quite frankly do one
would like a bigger property but realistically don’t want the financial burden of one when I’ve got an end in sight for paying off my mortgage

Am grateful people have posted about friendship groups going south after covid. Thought it was just me.

I’m 43. From the outside, I probably appear to have it all sorted. I own a nice house with my long-term partner. I’m in a steady job with an above-average salary. Will be mortgage-free in 5 years’ time (all being well). We indulge in our hobby on the weekends and go away on European mini-breaks fairly regularly. We’re fortunate and I know we are.

However, our relationship is very up and down and I’m crippled with indecision about whether to stay or leave. I can’t have children due to cervical cancer treatments a few years ago. Those treatments have also left me with some long-term health conditions which may only get worse and I now have a lot of anxieties (possibly PTSD) about everything related to the cancer. I’m obese and miserable about it but cannot motivate myself to lose weight. Food is the only thing that I look forward to. I have a general ongoing feeling of dissatisfaction with how my life has turned out and regularly dwell on mistakes and missed opportunities in my past. I feel stuck and I have no idea how to change it or make improvements.

Aside from my house needing a massive decluttering, my life is in order. I’m hoping to stay on my current job until I retire. I plan to grow old with DH. We have a few years left before DC leaves for a university. DH and I have really ramped up our retirement saving.

I’m not really worried about filling my time as an empty nester because I have a ridiculous number of home based hobbies.

Great thread OP. Interesting to hear the different experiences and how we view them. It confirms that being mentally content outweighs all the other obvious things likes a good job & a nice house.

Every woman I know well between 40-55 is looking for something new. Some are starting Masters, changing careers, leaning massively into fitness or hobbies. We’re all happy, it’s just we’re looking for something extra right now. Kids are bit older, the house renovations are all done and it’s time for something.

I truly believe women our age get a surge of creativity/vibrancy/something right now. The men seem oblivious, largely.

For myself I’ve got back into playing the drums.
I am absolutely addicted and go on weekend retreats with other women our age who also love drums. Its
given me a lease of life as has discovering a love of gardening.

2 happy health tweens. Reasonably good physical and mental health. Very high earner, own my own home, still relatively attractive for 41years. Good family relations

Widowed over 7 years and went through horrendous grief with the kids. Alcoholic but sober a few years now. still feel sad and lonely at times.

Would like to meet someone but this I know will be challenging for me and can't help but feel it will never happen for me