How sorted is your life if you are mid forties?

[jhgh]

Feel like I am suddenly at that stage where I've realised that I'm more than half way through my life and need to take stock and make the best of the rest of it!

Summary:-
Very lucky to have a lovely husband, a lovely tween ds ( would have liked more kids but started late and didn't happen) feel sad about that but it is what it is
Decent career but stayed too long and overlooked at current company so need to make a move soon to reach the top if indeed I want it!
Some nice friends and acquaintances but no real best friends as have moved around and lost touch
Very close to elderly dps who I am eternally thankful are blessed with decent health
Small house in expensive area .. would ideally like something a bit bigger and closer to ds school but can't justify mortgage increase
Can afford holidays and eating out but not too often

When I look at all this on paper I realise I am so lucky but I feel like I need to aim for something for the next stage in my life

Anyone else feel the same?

Dizzy I'm so sorry to read this 💐

I hadn't seen this until I'd written my comment and now I feel a bit ridiculous... so sorry.

Well, I am 45. I currently feel I'm at the bottom of the so called 'happiness curve'. I grew up being bullied/ in an abusive situation. I now suffer as a result of that childhood trauma. I have a past of anxiety and depression, for which I have had counselling. There have been happier times though. I think I was happiest in my mid 20s to mid 30s.

I am currently obese, but successfully lost weight to an ideal place twice before. I need to lose at least 7 stone, possibly more. Last time I lost weight was before my Dad passing away at 69 from Vascular Dementia. He had other health conditions, including type 2 Diabetes. I was in a happier/better place. Had more friends, was putting me 1st more to do more hobbies - including singing in a choir. I was taking numerous courses to become a counsellor. Got to 39, and I had a huge event with a person who I thought I could trust. Turns out they were a narc, and that started me in a downwards spiral. It touched into my C-ptsd big time. I had to quit my counselling dream, due to my mental health at that time, plus my husband was made redundant too. I've lost all interest in hobbies, and some I can't afford now. I started comfort eating to cope with my difficult emotions. I don't really have any friends. My health is a mess mentally and physically. Need counselling I can't afford. From Perimenopause, to mental health, to being exhausted and very unfit, to liver function issues and more... My Mum has mental health issues, and is borderline Diabetic. I am concerned about getting Type 2 Diabetes, or Dementia. Started overthinking how much time I might, or might not have left. I haven't worked for over 18 years. My eldest has SEN, but is successfully navigating his way through an ICT course. My youngest is in Year 10, and has just done his mock GCSEs. I have been happily married for nearly 22 years now. I hate the house where I live, due to it being just 2 bedroomed, and not enough room for my sons, but the mortgage is paid). We have 1 car. Worried what on earth I'm going to do when they leave home or whatever. Overthinking whether to try for a new career, try to complete counselling training, or stick to Nursery Nursing as I'm trained for that. Have done HCA work in a hospital, but not trained in Health and Social Care. Money isn't what I live for, as I am a natural empath and care more about helping others. This is the 1st year we've not been able to afford to go away for the May Half Term.

Want to possibly do voluntary work, but lack the motivation I once had to do things. I'm just so tired mentally and physically. I have dreams to learn to play the piano, or another musical instrument, but money is the sticking point.
I am grateful though for family who live nearby, a shelter over my head, food, and other basic needs I have met. I am grateful too for holidays we have had. I definitely need some support to work my way through this mid life blip.

So sorry Dizzylonglegs Hope you can still enjoy some nice times.

So sorry to hear about those going through tough times 💐

Same as a lot of other posters, my life looks great on the surface, but the reality has some cracks beneath. I'm 47, and over the last year I've definitely felt a mid life unease. I think it's because when I was younger, even if the present wasn't perfect, there was a perfect potential future. Better career, better relationship, marriage, kids, lovely house etc. Most of those have worked out - not all - but I have an awful lot to be grateful for.

However, now my future seems mainly downhill. Dc will Inevitably grow up and away, which fills me with sadness. Financial comfort i have now might not last for various reasons. Im facing the demise of my wonderful mum, which I feel I won't be able to bear. Both my lovely parents have had dementia, so my glimpse into later life has been fairly bleak - not something I can look forward to. And a few friends have had serious health problems recently, which brings perspective but also anxiety about how easily life can change. It's also hard when you realise that some things have passed you by, and by choosing one route, Inevitably other doors close.

I'm trying to get my head around all this, focus on what I value and really appreciate it, and stop thinking about the difficult things that I can't change. But I do feel the mid life crisis is lurking at the back somehow.

Deeply in love with DH, great DSS. Tried to have our own family, threw everything at it. Multiple rounds failed. I became completely suicidal, but thankfully I was never successful. Somehow through all this we both hold down professional roles and the income affords us a nice 'exterior lifestyle' If I'm honest I moderately hate my job, but love the money.
My mental health will never fully recover, and I spend all my time and energy making sure the 'happiness' facade doesn't slip. To the outside world I'm a fit healthy 40 something, who is career focused and always look relatively good, due to expensive clothes and botox.
The reality is I have a minor drinking problem and an addiction to exercise. Felt cathartic to write that all down!

46 with a 6 month old, living in a brand new council house (eco home) and married to the love of my life.

We take several caravan holidays a year.

Life has never been so amazing 👏

We are dirt poor, cash wise though.

The inverse of many here, I am outwardly unsuccessful. Single, no family, live alone in a small terrace in a very working class area. Spent most of my lift drifting from jobs and locations. Traumatic divorce. Menopausal.

However, I have a wonderful garden, good friends, interesting job and a busy life. My cheap house enabled me to save for a full eco retrofit. Since being single and living alone I have started coming 'back' to myself. As the hormones decline i remember my younger hopeful self. I have a most peculiar feeling these last few months. I had to wrack my brains to realise that it was happiness!

@Summerhillsquare what a lovely post!

This is a great thread, @jhgh Lovely to read but also humbling. I've been feeling quite anxious for the last 6 months & that is unusual for me. I think some of it is menopause hormones & some is work related. I've been waking up in recent days just feeling happy. No pounding headaches or churning tummy. It's such a relief.

Jumping in here even though I’m late 50’s!

Such an interesting thread, with wildly different lives. 💐 to all those grieving or otherwise struggling.

In my mid forties I left my husband and became a single mum. Shortly afterwards I took voluntary redundancy and then changed careers entirely. Have now gone back to a corporate job and have a 22yo DS who I am immensely proud of but who I worry about constantly. I am so scared of losing him and have quite a lot of anxiety about that.

I have a mortgage which I’m about to reduce down to £20k through taking money out of my private pension. I am obsessed with working out when I can afford to give up work - which in reality is a few years away unless I become super frugal.

I have never had a job I love and have a habit of moving on regularly. I’m thinking about jacking this job in and taking a few months out but I know how difficult it would be to get back into the workplace in a well paid interesting job. We had a significant illness and bereavement in the family a couple of years ago and I’m still recovering from that.

My dad died when I was 12 and my mum about 20 years ago - I don’t really remember life with parents. Estranged from my much older brother and my older sister is in poor health.

Like a pp said my standards in life are too high and I never feel happy or satisfied.

Maybe from the outside my life looks sorted as I have a well paid job, a lovely home, a wonderful son and am happily single. In truth I am wracked with low self esteem, constantly feel like I’m not doing my job properly and just want to stop work!!

I can see from this thread that I really need to appreciate all the good stuff in my life and stop constantly looking for something better. If anyone has any tips on how to achieve that I’m all ears.

Oh - also got menopause and minor health issues to deal with 🙄

You have nearly everything, what is it you think you are missing? The only thing you might want to develop is excitement and friends. I have very close friends who I tell everything to, 3 I see for curry and wine, go on lots of European city breaks: Eating posh nosh lunch with wine at the top of Dubrovnik hill then zipling, provides me with excitement and happy memories.

Really interesting thread! On paper, and to almost everyone I know, I have a great and 'sorted' life.

I'm 45, married with 2 teenage DS. Everyone in my close family is healthy, both of my parents are still alive and I have a part time professional job with excellent work/life balance. DH is a high earner so we enjoy foreign holidays every year and have no immediate financial concerns. Likely to pay off mortgage on recently purchased dream house in about ten years.

But...I have plenty of acquaintances but only a very few friends. I have a job, not a career. My personal pension is tiny. My marriage is struggling. I dread the empty nest I will have in a few years.

I appreciate the many things that make my life generally happy and easy but feel anxious about the future.

Not sure if you mean me or the op but if it's me....I have a few close friends who I dearly love and one in particular who I can talk to about anything. I worry about losing that relationship too! I've had a difficult relationship with another friend over the last few months which is quite hard. In terms of excitement- I've gone travel mad and had four holidays abroad in the last 7 months!! I actually love a balance of excitement and just pottering at home. I've got a lot to be grateful for, I know.

Sorry @chimichangaz, my post was directed at OP. Who said no close friends, then the next poster Lucifer who suggested excitement.

I'm still single, partly through choice and partly though circumstances.

I have a teen dd who is at college now, she struggled with poor mental health through covid and we're still coming out the other side of that.

That said she's a lovely girl and doing well at college, I'm very proud of her.

I have a lovely home, it's shared ownership so mine but not mine but an investment nonetheless.

I'm lucky that my best friends are still local and I see them fairly regularly.

I like my job.

I have a dog now 😁

Money is a constant source of stress but it could be worse. I have no debt and we have enough to get by.

All in all I consider myself very lucky.