How sorted is your life if you are mid forties?

[jhgh]

Feel like I am suddenly at that stage where I've realised that I'm more than half way through my life and need to take stock and make the best of the rest of it!

Summary:-
Very lucky to have a lovely husband, a lovely tween ds ( would have liked more kids but started late and didn't happen) feel sad about that but it is what it is
Decent career but stayed too long and overlooked at current company so need to make a move soon to reach the top if indeed I want it!
Some nice friends and acquaintances but no real best friends as have moved around and lost touch
Very close to elderly dps who I am eternally thankful are blessed with decent health
Small house in expensive area .. would ideally like something a bit bigger and closer to ds school but can't justify mortgage increase
Can afford holidays and eating out but not too often

When I look at all this on paper I realise I am so lucky but I feel like I need to aim for something for the next stage in my life

Anyone else feel the same?

I’m 46- good house in a nice area, great husband, 2 clever, popular children, great friends and a rewarding part time job. Decent salary and no money worries; go on holiday a few times a year, eat out etc. But have been going to counseling for the last 6 months because I just don’t feel it. Mostly boils down to losing a parent when I was very young. Loads of issues as result. Learning to be grateful for what I have and working out what really matters.

I was completely sorted and settled. Until my life was turned upside down at the end of last year and now it's an achievement if I make it through each day... Nothing next for me in the game of life just keep travelling along until I can't anymore.

This is a great thread OP! Really nice to read how other's lives are turning out. On paper I think my life sounds OK. Married (happily enough)for 23 years, 2 DC. One at Uni & youngest in year 10. Nice House, mortgage paid off & savings in the bank BUT lost both my parents in my early/mid forties (I'm 47 now) so that's ruined my 40s really and left a huge void. Am finding it very unsettling having DD at Uni & not sure what my life holds for me now (SAHP) struggling with peri menopause & also need to lose 2 stone really. Dislike how old I'm feeling & looking these days. Depressing! Need a p/t job but feeling so tired I just can't face looking atm. Don't need the money but need to be busier. On a plus note I've started fostering cats this year so that's been great. Also walk dogs for a different charity. Have just started HRT patches etc yesterday so am hoping that will make a difference. Hubby & son play lots of football so I barely see them most weekends. Love doing yoga & HIIT classes but not been lately for one reason or another. Am cross with myself for putting on weight since covid started. Also cross that if I don't contact friends nothing gets arranges - feel like I'm always badgering people to meet up which makes me a bit paranoid & think maybe they just don't want to see me? Covid has really crapped all over lots of friendship groups! Feel like certain friends take me for granted as I don't do paid work - I help people out a lot but feel as though some friends really take the piss. I don't like approaching 50 it makes me uneasy & worried & I'm not sure why. 😕 Most of my friends have all lost one parent now so I'm sad thinking maybe myself/friends/hubby will also die mid 70s like my parents did.....

I'm doing ok. I'm content in my marriage, have a nice house, well paid job etc. We can go on holidays. I have a hobby which I love. Also a stepson and 2 dogs 🐶

Downsides are my job involves rotating shifts and since my treatment for cervical cancer in 2020 put me into early menopause, my sleep isn't great. So I'm tired a lot of the time.

I'm stuck between life is too short to spend it feeling tired all the time and getting a different job on less money, to maybe have a better life/sleep/work balance.

I'm close to my Mum, not so much my Dad and have some lovely friends and work colleagues who are also now friends too.

But I'm incredibly lucky to have the life I do and I'm thankful for it.

Lately I think about having a huge change in my life. Moving job and area. But in reality we need to stay here due to being near DSS.

I have the most amazing dh and we own our own house and although no wealthy we are okay financially. I have a professional job that I love and earn a decent salary. We are really happy 😊

I'm at the tail end of my 40s and pretty okay I think.
Mortgage free house in an area I like, reasonably happy marriage, 2 teen ds who are doing well, decent job that I mostly enjoy, although public sector so pay hasn't kept up with inflation and I don't feel particularly well off.
Friendships have drifted in the past few years - partly covid and partly kids getting older - so that's something id like to change.
Weirdly, I still very much don't feel like a grown up. I look at other people and they seem so much more mature and sorted.

43, 8 yrs left on a mortgage. Lovely home, beautiful area. Happy and healthy children.
Good job, decent salary.
Finally recovering from the financial hit of child number 2.

BORED

This is a really interesting topic. I've just hit 45 so feeling a bit the same as OP. There is definitely something missing but I'm not sure what it is. I am beginning to realize that life is happening right now, and it needs to be appreciated for what it is! Things can change in an instant. Good health for the moment, but always worried that every ache and pain is something terminal! Carrying far too much extra weight around and get motivated every so often to crush it, but can't seem to stay with the thought. Nice clothes and a glowing complexion are a few years back, but why? My kids keep me super busy, there's zero time for my own needs and wants - but that isn't always healthy either. need to get a hold on it tbh - this thread will help. Dont want to build up a feeling of resentment that I didn't listen to my own needs sooner. sometimes feel scared who I will be when the kids have flown? Will I be anything without them? Learned recently a little tip about articulating the good things about your life out loud - otherwise it is a headlong rush into what we are striving for in the future - not stopping to appreciate the now. Spell out loud the things you enjoy as a family, as a couple, the things you are grateful for. Would love to travel more and absorb new cultures and grow my brain cells to new heights. Apart from that, need to be glad I'm happy, healthy and safe. thanks for the thread

I've just turned 40 and have two amazing kids, married for 16 years (together for 23) would be a bit more content if he learned to use the oven or hoover 🙄🤣
Really close to my parents who are both still in good health.
We've just built a lovely new house in the perfect area but pretty much back to square one on the mortgage.
Just started a new job in January and still not quite sure if it's for me yet which is a shame because I thought it was my dream job!
Have lots of friends but none that I would class as a best friend which I really feel like I'm missing. Like others, friendships have really drifted since COVID.
My one issue I'm having at the moment is looking in the mirror! Within the past year I've started to get very noticeable wrinkles, I've just had my hair cut and it's far too short and I've put on enough weight that my clothes aren't fitting so having that feeling that everything is downhill for here appearance wise which is getting me a bit down.
All in all, life is good though. Just have no idea what the next 20+ years are going to look like.

On paper, fabulous. In reality, a mess.

I will add though, my hobby of planning holidays I might never go on is kind of taking over at the moment 🙈 I'm so desperate to see as much of the world as I can!

I had life fairly sorted until this year when it all went wrong - work has put me through hell but somehow I’m still standing (dept restructure and 11 months of not knowing if I have a job or what it will be) and now my role is confirmed, dh is about to embark on the same journey so another 6 months of not knowing what our finances will look like. We’re both public sector and thought we were secure, paid okay but pension and security meant it was worth staying. Not really the case now.

But, the positives:
lovely husband who has been my rock taking on the role of the strong one when I couldn’t be.
Lovely dc who are doing well at school and make good decisions
lovely home
relationship with parents is strong
nice holidays
small group of friends but good ones

aim for May and June is to lose weight now the job is okay… starting Monday as we had dominoes tonight!

At 48, I’m not really in the mid-40’s demographic anymore, but I’ll mentally lop off a few years. 🤣

Happy marriage, mutual respect, I think we’ve made a good go of it.

Two healthy teenagers who are doing well, despite some whining at times.

Physically wearing well, have gone up a dress size in my 40’s but still a healthy bmi (I’m not trying with exercise atm so I do need to work on that).

Supporting elderly, difficult Dad, which is v. challenging. As an only child as everything falls to me and it’s been rough recently. I can only hope that things improve.

Somewhat frustrated career-wise right now. I became self-employed a few years ago, but due to my family commitments ( my Dad), I’ve only taken on limited work recently. I want to do more, but I just can’t right now.

I’d also love to travel again. I used to, but again, family commitments have got in the way.

I have some lovely friends, a few friendships did wane during Covid but I’m sure I’ll make new ones. My confidence has increased in middle age, perhaps because I know that time’s passing and I need to grasp life with both hands!

45 and on paper, great. Married, have a big house by the sea, 2 kids (youngest is 4). Dh earns a lot and comes from money, I'm mostly a sahm. We have a good standard of living. A wide circle of friends and a couple of very close ones.

The negatives are still struggling with mental health issues and the consequences of poor mental health. Missing a proper job (had a psychotic break after my first child and wasn't fit to return to work) but have no idea how to get into something I find rewarding/interesting and feel capable of doing. Recovering slowly from an ankle injury which means I feel unfit/fat isn't helping either.

I feel I miss the drive of my 20s and 30s.

Gosh, I shouldn’t look at threads like this. All these people with big houses and paid off mortgages, makes me want to cry.

47…left my marriage just before I turned 41 and looked forward to a new lease of life.

The last 7 years have in fact been an absolute shit show. Long winded, trying divorce, two house moves, job issues, long term illness and death of beloved parent which took place all over the Covid period so no support available. Gave up job to become carer, and now struggling to build up a freelance carer so I can earn whilst being flexible for remaining parent.
DD is good kid but the last two years of parenting have been gruelling as ex doesn’t engage with the donkey work at all and empty nest looming come September.

Fat, menopausal and recently diagnosed with GAD, PTSD and panic disorder.

But…the only way is up, right?!

I own my home (with mortgage but it’s relatively small), have a nice little car, DD is doing pretty great, parent is faring okay on the whole and I have two awesome cats!

Obviously my entire life is in need of a massive overhaul, so I’m doing my best but also being gentle with myself when necessary.

I want to shed some weight, start dating (for fun more than anything), widen my social circle.

Longer term…career change, OU degree and lots of travelling.

Got married at 21, kids are now 21 and 18, DD1 at uni, DD2 on the way. Not in high paid jobs, but we do ok. Both parents still here, DH has his dad, he lost his brother aged 35 and his mum 71 in a space of a few weeks. Live in a two up, two down terrace. Im quite happy where I am, but could do with losing a few pounds to feel more healthier

Very interesting post ! I’m 40, very happily married and have 2 great kids. Live abroad and have a house we could now be mortgage free on in the U.K. - however we’re selling and to buy where we live house are double so will be starting again with a huge mortgage !
husband is high earner and a has good career , I’m part time and never went full time after kids so it’s just a job I’m not really fulfilled or content with this but also don’t really want/need to work more hours in this job - I’m constantly trying to find something that will fulfil this part of my life.
kids are older so I have freedom for more “me” time and spend most Fridays out with my best friend.
we are comfortable and can afford date nights and holidays although I would like to try and save more , I feel like the more we earn the more we spend !
downside is that I live across an ocean from parents who I miss a lot … it’s hard and it’s the price I’m paying for our lifestyle but overall I’m very happy and lucky.

Sign up for something that scares you. Anything from salsa dancing to a bug collecting thing.

spice is hard!

Happily married to DH, been together nearly 20 years. Three kids at home who are happy and healthy plus two adult student DC. Gorgeous house in beautiful chocolate box village in SE. Two cars, two holidays a year plus weekends away. Some really great friends who I see often. Lots of hobbies that keep us busy. Really interesting well paid job with prospect to keep moving upwards and increase salary. All of us in good health and fit.

Still got over 20 years on the mortgage as we bought our house 10 years later than ideal. Am 1.5 stone overweight and a size 16 is too small, been in same diet cycle for 10 years. DH’s job is dead end and a bone of contention as he doesn’t really enjoy it but doesn’t really try to get a new one and whenever he does he is unsuccessful. Great relationship with one adult DD but awful one with other who is a fully signed up transactivist who thinks we are hateful for calling rapists who ‘identify’ as women, men. DH parents hard work in every sense and increasingly need support and DH’s siblings useless so all falls on us.

So life pretty good on the surface though there are issues bubbling away underneath that keep us both awake at night, like anyone else I guess.

Early 40s and my life has changed drastically in the last couple of years.

My husband left while my youngest was still a baby. So it’s been an emotional couple of years and heavy on admin too, constant legal appointments/forms to fill out, dealing with estate agents and finding a new smaller place to live.

Now on my own co-parenting, in a much smaller wee house but I love it! It’s actually nicer than the bigger one my ex chose because he goes for the whole period features thing. Focusing on getting things sorted round the house and like @frozendaisy enjoying making it wildlife friendly and watching the birds hopping about.

I do worry about the future as one of my kids has special needs and struggles at school. The thought of working for the next 25 years is also terrifying. Trying not to think about it too much and living for the moment instead, seeing friends and doing hobbies as much as I can inbetween working full time!

I can so relate to this, years of therapy to deal with childhood stuff, which has set me back hugely (on top of the lack of progression throughout my life, compared to peers who had emotionally healthier childhoods)
I’m a few years down the line from you and I’m finally seeing change, much of it from the incredibly hard work of long term therapy, so hang on in there
Coincidentally, I didn’t care for my teeth (dental phobia too), nor did I attend to my pension (no plans to live that long, not in a suicidal ideation way, more a passive thing)
I hope you manage to become parents soon 🌼

I am sorted in that I’m happily married, DSD is doing well, our parents are in relatively good health, I am financially secure and independent with a job I love etc etc. I don’t feel like anything is missing or that I need more. But, a few friends have died suddenly or had seriously life changing illnesses in the last 12 months and I’m very aware that I could be “unsorted” very quickly…….Don’t really know what I can do about that other than be grateful for each day, which I am.

Happy I guess. Though just out of 50's, nothing has changed since late 40's . Big house in the country, 3 adult children ( 2 of which are more sorted than me - 1 who is a constant source of stress). Youngest ( with new husband about to start Year 7)
No mortgage . Constantly worried about 2nd DC Looking for something to do for myself. Feel like it should be my time! Would love a part time job!

Oh and both of our sets of parents are constantly worrying.