How sorted is your life if you are mid forties?

[jhgh]

Feel like I am suddenly at that stage where I've realised that I'm more than half way through my life and need to take stock and make the best of the rest of it!

Summary:-
Very lucky to have a lovely husband, a lovely tween ds ( would have liked more kids but started late and didn't happen) feel sad about that but it is what it is
Decent career but stayed too long and overlooked at current company so need to make a move soon to reach the top if indeed I want it!
Some nice friends and acquaintances but no real best friends as have moved around and lost touch
Very close to elderly dps who I am eternally thankful are blessed with decent health
Small house in expensive area .. would ideally like something a bit bigger and closer to ds school but can't justify mortgage increase
Can afford holidays and eating out but not too often

When I look at all this on paper I realise I am so lucky but I feel like I need to aim for something for the next stage in my life

Anyone else feel the same?

Oh overweight but no energy left after work to do anything about it
My mum jet between her house & my house & my brothers in another country, just had 5 year all clear from cancer so enjoying life. Elderly in-laws not far away but still self sufficient & very good neighbours who help them (& call me if needed)

I’m 44 just us two. We both have secure public sector jobs. Settled in a lovely 3bed with small mortgage in a great area. We are close/walking distance to lots of great things. Easy access for trips out.

We have a very easy life, great relationship no drama. Family around me too. We get to travel a bit not exotic but city breaks and the like. I’m very content on the whole. I eat well and am trying to improve that all the time. I exercise and look after myself. Neither of us luckily have any health issues… yet. ( peri is knocking on my door tho)

I do think when we get to this stage we sometimes feel like we maybe should be doing more: volunteering, hobbies, arts, group activities.I’m not exactly sure what to be honest!

I’m 41 and DH is 45.

On paper, all sorted. Both in good jobs, we have a lovely house (with mortgage), children are healthy and doing well in school. Plenty of family and friends nearby.

BUT the reality is we are snowed under with debt, essentially built up in our 30s when he was self-employed and I earned a lot less. We know what the debt is and it should in theory be paid off in two years, but that feels a long time and right now we really struggle. I also feel a lot of pressure to maintain a lifestyle, eg the nature of my job means I need to get my hair cut reasonably often etc to look professional and I need a professional work wardrobe - obviously I only shop in sales and wear everything until it’s falling apart but it’s hard to be able to cut back more than we have. It’s difficult when people don’t know and we’re always finding excuses not to go out for meals etc when we’re invited.

Thank you so much. ❤️ I hope things continue to improve for you!

I just updated my life plan last week and did an audit across the areas I consider important and made some adjustments to me 1yr, 3yr and 10yr plans.

Good to asses where I'm at, sharpen the goals and then ensure daily energy is aligned in the directions I want.

Summary was 8.3/10 - not perfect but better than expected. So can't complain, but always work to do.

It's not really. Lone parent so my time is consumed with teen DC's.
I'd like to get a degree one day but I had to stop OU. I might start again in my 50's. Very low earner.
I've paid the mortgage off, it was only small and I live somewhere grotty.
With luck I might have more time when my youngest finishes school and maybe gets settled at college.
I'm quite fit though. I hope that if I keep healthy I can find decent job in my 50's until I'm 70.

I'm pretty much same as you but 2 dc, on track for getting to the top at work where I am.

don't you think that this is like the high earner threads that immediately attract people who have their lives sorted.

Pretty much just have to be happy with what you have got at every age.

Career, family, house owner, or financial success also not a yardstick for everyone. Some people would feel sorted by having travelled or interesting experiences or done a lot of altruistic things.

Im so sorry @NeedCoffeeNowPlease Same here. DS died age 20 a few weeks after my "Life begins at 40" party and I lost a whole decade to grief and having to hold it together dealing with the trauma of the other DC and all the knock on effects. Some of them made disastrous decisions that I spent years dealing with at huge cost to my health and the loss of my career.
I'm absolutely burnt out and will never recover from his loss.
Ended up with a bipolar diagnosis as the cherry on the cake.
However I just turned 50 and I am absolutely determined to do something for myself before it's too late. So I plan to emigrate - again - with DH next year. To the country I love.
AC will be mid 20s to mid 30s. All have jobs, homes and partners.
So my 40s were a shitshow but I'm still kicking.

Have just turned 50 and find reading this thread immensely comforting. I know I have a very good life, supportive and caring DH, good relationship with my happy 17 year old DD who is currently looking at universities, lovely home, good friends and a job that I enjoy.

BUT I can't wondering what it's all for. For the first time in my life I am wishing that I had a faith ...

I'm so so sorry for your loss @Weatherwax13 💔 but emigrating with your DH sounds like such a wonderful & exciting adventure for you both 👏 All the best to you both x

Has anyone completely retrained in their 40s & started a whole new career? When my parents died I inherited a bit of money & would love to do a course or something but have no idea what. I used to be a vet nurse but that was almost 20 years ago & I just can't face the retraining I would need to go back into this profession, the long hours, low pay & back-breaking work tbh......

Turned 40 last year. Two boys aged 4.5 & 8. Happily married 17 years to a great friend who makes me laugh & who loves me. He’s my soulmate & I can’t imagine life without him. Home owners in a modest 3 bed cottage in Surrey. Still got approx 15 yes to pay in our mortgage. Have picked up my career again after having the kids, now working full time & enrolled in a professional qualification starting later this year. Comfortable money- wise. Have approx £82000 in savings & fairly good salaries now the both of us especially since I’ve gone back up to full-time work.

DH’s parents are somewhat older the mine but at the moment both sets of parents are in good health.

My 30’s were all about putting career on hold to produce and birth & raise the babies. I struggled with post-natal anxiety which was awful & subsequently medicated for it which saw me through the little years. In a better place now with MH, feel like I can start enjoying where I am now that the baby/toddler stage is behind me.

43 and very happy with my lot. We don't earn a lot of money but do own our little house. 2 wonderful young children. Very long term relationship. We would love to move to a bigger house and has been the plan for several years. Also marriage at some point (very long engagement!)

Pretty shit right now. Renting and been given notice to leave, all new rentals on the market at least 40% more than we’re currently paying. We’ll never have any spare money or savings.

Been with DP nearly 20 years. Ok relationship, ups and downs.

2 young DC who are amazing.

Job is good, average wage, wfh.

Extremely anxious right now and not enjoying life.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I relate to almost all that you have written. It's such a hard time for so long afterwards and life will never be the same.

At the time I was told I would see the gifts my deceased child left me. At the time I was quite put off by this stupid statement, but I think I see some of what was meant. I think I have been gifted with a great ability to just live in the now and an adjusted perspective of life that is mostly good.

I've also lost four people in my age group in my 40s who I knew well. All to medical reasons in their 40s. I'm alive and here with my children, so I'll take it. :-)

40, single parent to a toddler, work full time in a job that is an average wage, own my own flat (which I rent out as can't sell.) and rent a tiny cottage (which I hate). Money is tight but I afford myself a few treats and my daughter is happy and thriving. I don't have huge amounts of savings, I don't have a life plan and if my period is about to start I feel very down and depressed about my situation. However, although my life isn't perfect on paper it has taught me how strong and independent I am. I feel I am made of strong stuff and most of the time am very resilient. It's also taught me not to plan life too much as things are forever changing... you might be on top of the world one week and everything comes crashing down the next. And Vica versa. Live in the moment... the now. It's hard but when you do it, it makes life so much more pleasurable

Mine is likely to be quite different to other people’s, I imagine. I’m 41. I live in a room rented from my ex partner who owns the house. I have a good well-paid job in an area I’m passionate about but have no career prospects. I’ve been in a steady relationship for the past seven years but no plans to move in together.

No kids, never been married. Last year I had to have a hysterectomy so will never have children now which I am mostly OK with. My mental health went screwy a few months ago and I have a suspected diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which explains a lot. On the other hand, I’ve also had the massive injection of energy and focus described by other people, which for me flows into my hobby and takes up most of my time and funds but brings me so much joy.

I would imagine that a lot of people find me very intense and I do try to dial it back as much as I can, but experiencing art feels like my reason for living. I’ve always felt on the margins of things and recently I’ve come to understand that I need to be OK with that and make peace with it, and find fulfilment in it somehow. Like travelling on the top deck of a bus at night, looking in through tenement windows at people having dinner, working, watch TV in their cosy flats, I’ll never be on the inside of that but I think that can be OK. I hope it can.

Happy life, very together - not without problems, challenges and issues.
studying and travelling make me feel alive inside.

Mixed on paper but I'm happy...

Divorced & staying single
Two degrees
Two teens, one about to go to uni
Almost mortgage free
Can retire at 62
Own business with good turnover
Overweight
Medically and mentally fit and well
Very select group of good friends

And a dog!

I'm kind of the same. Only I'll be 39 this year. Have been trying for years to get my lifesprted but find it impossible. It breaks my heart that my life is passing me by. I've been trying so long to get a job and get my own place. But no stable job leaves me stuck where I am.

I'm 49. Lovely DH, three teen DC, good job, nice friends, mentally and physically healthy (although I need to lose some weight). All good really. It's strange to think of the next few years and the DC leaving home though. Even though they're teens, I'm still very involved in their lives because we live rurally and they all do lots of sport so I spend a lot of time driving them around. Weird to think of that coming to an end - I'll have to find ways to fill the time!

A really interesting thread. I'm late 50s and feeling a bit shell shocked after a couple of years of serious illness that saw me forced to retire, a recent diagnosis of autism and ADHD, a disabled husband and dc who is recovering after dealing with mental health problems during and after lockdown.
Financially we're ok. Never been a big earner, but decent public sector pension and savings mean we have security. House paid off over ten years ago.
I do worry about my own mortality. My previously healthy mum died at 66, only 7 years older than me and that terrifies me. I had loving parents, but their own difficult childhoods affected them and consequently me negatively in ways that I've only recently recognised. Two friends lost their husbands in their 50s and early 60s recently, and I am really trying to treasure every day. One of my biggest regrets is that my mum never got to see my dc grow up as they were a baby when she died.
I feel like I am entering a whole new phase. I feel too young to just vegetate, but I'm not sure what to do next. Covid broke the bonds of work friendships, my two best friends now live abroad, and I've been feeling lonely. I'm making an effort to get out and meet people after being virtually housebound for the best part of a year. I feel fortunate to be alive after the past couple of years, but also a bit vulnerable.
I'm looking to improve my mental and physical health. Get fitter, see a counsellor. I'm trying to live as if I've got a lot of life left in me!

I'm 50 with three DC (32, 27 and 25) and four DG (8,8,3 and 9m). My forties were a time of great upheaval and financial stress as I finally left a very long (since I was 16) but unhealthy and controlling marriage. Mid forties I rediscovered who I was, then met my amazing DP and life now is great. My only real worries are the MH of my DC as all have various issues to a greater or lesser extent (which I feel responsible for due to the home they grew up in). Now financially stable, but have known real poverty in the past. As long as you and those you care about have good health and the right people around, the rest is honestly just noise. Life is short, enjoy it.

I was very much like this. Felt very blurgh about my life at 42 despite on paper having it all....

Then last year I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Boy that changes your perspective on everything. I have had a lot of councilling but despite everything even though the last year has been intense and painfully sad it has also been the most wonderful and rewarding where I am grateful for every single minute of it.

Embrace life, embrace change, embrace every moment good or bad

💜💜

I'm doing great except I still rent and am shitting it that I'll never get on the property ladder.