How sorted is your life if you are mid forties?

[jhgh]

Feel like I am suddenly at that stage where I've realised that I'm more than half way through my life and need to take stock and make the best of the rest of it!

Summary:-
Very lucky to have a lovely husband, a lovely tween ds ( would have liked more kids but started late and didn't happen) feel sad about that but it is what it is
Decent career but stayed too long and overlooked at current company so need to make a move soon to reach the top if indeed I want it!
Some nice friends and acquaintances but no real best friends as have moved around and lost touch
Very close to elderly dps who I am eternally thankful are blessed with decent health
Small house in expensive area .. would ideally like something a bit bigger and closer to ds school but can't justify mortgage increase
Can afford holidays and eating out but not too often

When I look at all this on paper I realise I am so lucky but I feel like I need to aim for something for the next stage in my life

Anyone else feel the same?

I'm 38 so 40 is creeping up on me. Currently in therapy as recently I just wasn't feeling myself (angry a lot) and I've never done it before so I thought that I'd give it a try. So far it's going well and I'm trying to be a more positive and grateful person.

I have a good job, it's decent money but I hate it! I've been overlooked for promotion despite going above and beyond for years. I want to leave but feel trapped that I need the money as my husband doesn't earn enough to support our young family so I feel that I can't reduce my hours or retrain in another area or start my own business (which I dream of.)

I have two young school age boys who I feel I never see. I'm lucky if I drop off/pick up them from school once a week and I never eat dinner with them only on a weekend due to work. I know this is a lot of people's reality but it fills me with guilt!

Despite this I often think that I would like to have a third child - not sure why because it doesn't make any sense. My DH has also said NO and will never change his mind, EVER!

The housekeeping I'm always behind on which stresses me out! But I work all week, and want to spend my weekends with my boys not spending less time with them by cleaning/ironing etc.

I have a nice house with a small mortgage in a decent area. It desperatly needs a refresh but we simply don't have the money to do it. I want to move closer to my boys' school (30 min drive away) but can no longer afford it to due to rising house prices in my city and the current high interest rates.

DH is great, very supportive and I love him dearly. I'm not sure he fully appreciates all the compromises I make in life to put our family first but...

I have a small group of great friends but I'm lucky if I see them four/five times a year due to us all having busy lives.

We are all heathly and I feel guilty that I should be happy but I'm not. I feel like I never have time to myself I'm the bottom of the pecking order. I work hard and sacrafice time with my children and yet I still can't afford to move or nice things.

I'm also very aware that people have a lot more than me and people have a lot less than me and that you shouldn't compare but I struggle with that. I also realise that this all sounds like a big moan and selfish. :)

I’m late 40’s.

Financially we are doing okay but 2 x ds at university is expensive.

I feel I am nearing the end of my career due to stress and burnout so need to look to dropping a band or 2 and working part time or leaving my profession and doing something completely different. Big decision!

My health has been shit this year which isn’t great, need to lose some weight which would make me feel better.

I feel fortunate though, my life has been financially much easier than younger generations and my children’s will be.

My dad never got to retire, he died at 60 and my mum was a widow at 50.
Make the most of every day is a great philosophy. The worst part is that everything speeds up as you get older

@Mooshamoo @NeedCoffeeNowPlease sensing you both much love 💐

I'm 44, married for 6yrs (2nd time for us both, and known each other since we were 14), bought the home I grew up in, have a nearly 6 yr old boy and a just 1yr old girl, decent job but can push for more, health isn't great, I lost 4 babies between my son and daughter and found I have a blood clotting disorder, have few good friends, good family, lost my dad when I was 26, he was 51, my mum is our family rock

I’m 39 and have found this thread really interesting so thanks OP
In a few ways I feel a bit behind for my age- got married at 30, divorced by 32 and met my DP at 35- he is 9 years younger. I also worked my arse off from graduating at 22 until, well now 😂 I don’t think I ever thought my career was more important to me than having kids but my job was so demanding and such a massive part of my identity that I couldn’t see me managing to do both. Which is kind of sad seeing it written down, although I’m now the happiest I could be in a relationship and ttc. I’ve changed jobs to have more control over my workload and about to move to a job where I’ll earn more than I ever imagined I would and with the flexibility to work around a child if we do get pregnant.
So I suppose the career has paid off but I do worry in spite of all testing being very good for my age, that I’ve left it too late. Will I feel an old mum? Who knows…

otherwise lovely new build house with a significant mortgage, close to my parents and a few very good friends. A large social group seems so much less appealing post pandemic. Hugely fortunate not to worry about money but I still do panic it’ll all disappear tomorro. And a decent dose of anxiety about the mental load.

on reflection though, massively lucky

Mid forties my life was very sorted, had house I wanted owned outright, great enjoyable job which paid well, 2 lovely children and a nice husband. Was thin and fit and sporty and had some good friends and children where doing well and happy at school. We travelled a lot and had lots of nice days out.

The 5 years since have been more difficult due to health issues (I had 2 cancers), lockdown and lack of education for my son due to SN which combined with my cancer caused him to end up sectioned. I have needed to stop work. Stopping work has been OK as I had saved a lot, we also then moved to a lovely chocolate box cottage in the countryside at half the price with a lovely garden and got lots of pets, the fluffy chickens, rabbit and a Maine Coon cat who have brought lots of joy. Still have travelled a lot from Australia, to Maldives, Azores etc which has been great. Still have the lovely husband who took me to every cancer appointment and cooked every meal during it. Daughter managed very well and is very successful. I am getting back to swimming and just one operation to go and 10 years of tablets now. It came as a complete shock to have breast cancer with no family history at 48, I did not realise how common it was and got other things checked but not that. Son is now in recovery but still no education. Its strange now not knowing if I will just have another few years or live to old age but all you can do is enjoy the here and now and not delay things you want to do.

Similar. When I was in my 20s I was quite good at writing lists about where I was, what I wanted to do next and how to get there. For example ‘have no car, need a car, need to save a certain amount per month’ etc. easier generally before having all these others in your life. Wish I could have that clarity and sense of focus now. Am living with partner now and have grown up kids doing their own thing - trying desperately to pay down the mortgage as quick as we can as so expensive! Work is okay (freelance) but getting tiring as I get older (55) and would like to do less but can’t afford to. Still, pretty happy and lucky and love my home.

I am like so many on here, all looks good on paper. Nice home, 2 good incomes, a job I love, 2 ds, one just finishing uni, friends not loads but enough. I just feel unsure what the next stage of life will look like. Will not retire for ages, been married 24 years and how will we be when dc leave home. Parents getting older and I feel tired if I am honest, also tired of being tired! I am very lucky really, just must embrace it more.

2 lovely upper primary children, DH who I still like, do-er upper house and lovely garden, parents still young enough and generally healthy. A job that I don’t hate and that offers some progression. A couple of good friends. Teeth and skin still good.

On the flip size, our mortgage is large and crippling us. I am on HRT and handling an early menopause badly with weight gain and anxiety. DH is trying to get his business off the ground and it’s not going well. I’ve lost a fair few friends since covid, and miss having a social life, although I couldn’t really afford it.

Could be worse really.

single, no kids. Career going better than I anticipated. Just bought and refurbished my dream home.

good relationship with my family, spend lots of time with my niece and nephew - they are old enough to avoid me but seek me out which is lovely.

I am just really happy and confident in my own skin for the first time ever.

don’t have a huge group of friends - did a cull a while ago and now only bother with people who make me happy.

life is good: 🥰

44, started my own company 10 years ago, got married 3 years ago, moved into our forever home 2 years ago (nothing austentaious, but give us options). Run my own company. Husband working toward management in his profession, we have a good life, nothing crazy lavish, but comfortable and we have half decent savings, can afford a holiday each year and go out once a week or order in once a week instead without stress and enjoy days/weekends/shirt breaks doing things with SS.

When my dad died 6 years ago it was a real eye opener to me that you need to enjoy life whilst you are here so I am not always working towards having a massive house (we have a modest 4 bed on a new development) as I am keen to also remember to live and have experiences now as life never guaranteed so that shifted my focus quite a bit.

Fantastic husband, lovely SS11 (almost 12). Never had kids of my own as wasn’t sure it was ever the right thing for me, sometimes wonder about that, but still come back to thinking of the impact that would have had…

So, you know, I don’t think any of us are ever 💯 certain of everything! But I am exceptionally thankful for the life I live, even if I do have to also work super bloody hard to have it 😂

Also we both have a handful of good friends. DH father is great, both his and my mother as mad as a box of frogs. I have 2 brothers, 3 nephews and a step nephew and niece. We don’t really all see each other as much as we should, but we know we are all there when we need each other.

Hi
Interesting read and post 😊
I'm 45 this year.
Happily Married we have a good relationship and he makes me laugh 😂.
1 DS who is adopted so that does bring a different dynamic to motherhood and is very challenging at times.
I love my part time job and also an Avon rep which I really enjoy!
Few but loyal friends and best friend still in my life since we were 9 and I love her 🥰
Lovely big house and enjoy our lifestyle going on holidays and enjoying going out etc.
Great relationship with family on both sides.
On paper this looks great and I'm lucky however I do struggle hugely with actually being happy and grateful I'm quite a negative person and am always striving for more and my expectations are too high too.
I think though reading all these different stories I should be very grateful and try to be more positive too!

I thought I had it all at 40, mortgage paid off, lovely average sized house but all done and perfect, perfect DH, perfect DD9, part time job, happy! So happy! Then my DH drops down dead suddenly and unexpectedly and mine and DD’s life ripped apart. So don’t sweat the small stuff, the material stuff is immaterial. Your job, your house, is it right, should you be doing better? Who cares. Be happy. Be together. Be whatever you need to be. Just enjoy every moment

Am 43 and have been thinking about this too. Lucky with home, partner and young child. However my elderly mums health is going south and so are my numerous disabilities. Hey ho, happy on the whole though. Oh and am part time at work, non management but know I can switch off when it's over, part time is all can manage but am fine with it. Lucky yes but bloody hard working too 😁

Yeah, pretty sorted. The main thing is that I have almost no regrets, and I think that says a lot.

In the trenches of young kids right now as I had them pretty late - back at work full time and there are not enough days in the week. But lucky to have a DH who does his share, and help at home. Just starting to get out of baby and toddler stage (no more buggy, nappies almost gone), hoping to get back to more days out/ travelling in the next few years. I did spend a ton of my 30s travelling though so I feel ok about having a break from that now while kids are small.

I live abroad and I think that really helps make even the everyday seem more exciting. Love speaking another language, love the culture and lifestyle. Hoping to buy here in the next year - currently selling our place in the U.K. and feeling good about making this move more permanent. Financially comfortable, hoping to retire once kids are grown up and get back to seeing the world!

I think if 18-year-old me could see me now, she'd be a bit surprised (3 kids!) but pretty happy with how things have turned out.

We always compare up.

I'm walking away from abusive ex partner. Living out of bin bags of clothes while I await my rental to become available. I'll be living on benefits, relying on hand outs of furniture from friends as he's left me with nothing, living in a property I would never buy myself as riddled with issues.

It's funny how perspective changes when you are pushed to your limits. I will have freedom, I will have space, I will be able to live a life (mostly) free from control. Of course 2.4 children, beautiful home, loving partner, abundance of income is the ideal but it's a bit of 'Facebook/ Insta dream' presented to us to always make us wanting more.

From your opening post it feels a bit like you are judging your life from a fairly arbitrary checklist you have made for yourself.

What does 'sorted' even mean? What standards are you judging yourself by?

I have food in my stomach, a roof over my head and am happy enough. I'm sorted.

Interesting thread.

professionally I’m very happy . Not high earning but very engaged, specialist in my field and there’s lots of potential for growth / expansion over the next 10-15 years, which is where I hope my highest earnings will be. as the main thing I DON’T have - that lots do by mid 40s - is a good pension, and this worries me.

DH is similar to me - professionally happy and fulfilled, he earns a lot more than me and has a great pension but we have generally spent what we earn over the last twenty years - on the house / travelling, not frittered - and need to get into the habit of more regular savings

we bought a house in a market dip and have almost cleared the mortgage now which is great, and obviously a big safety net as we have family / friends in much cheaper areas. so relocation, whilst not ideal, would be possible.

kids are happy, clever, settled , and importantly seem to know who they are. We all have good health . Parents less so, but I try not to worry, as what will be will be. We both have great siblings which will help with the time comes to deal with anything difficult.

i think I generally have a good outlook but that’s not to say the 3am stress doesn’t hit. Particularly over pensions (makes YET ANOTHER mental note to sort something)

Enjoy everything you have. Sounds fantastic. Maybe take up a new hobby?

We have no money and a child with additional needs and we live in social housing.

We do however have our physical and mental health, a home for life, a healthy marriage, good links with both families and I have a job I enjoy.

I grew up in small council flats / houses and was very aware of not having money so I never stop being grateful for having a 4 bedroom house, I can’t really explain it, I think it’s because when you are in the council housing system 3 bedroom houses are like the holy grail, so a 4 bedroom house is a big feeling of gratitude and security.

I remarried last year and have a wonderful relationship. My teen DCs have quite significant challenges and parenting is probably harder than when they were little, but I am optimistic. I recently completed an MA and will probably do a PhD. The weird thing to me is that I still don’t feel like a proper grown up - I am 45 - and professionally this is probably a drawback. I am senior in my field but I feel compared to others I lack something that would elevate me to top leadership. And if I don’t have it at 45, it’s probably just me!

Well done for leaning them. Stay strong & best of luck for your future & new chapter 💐

On paper and outward looking all looks very sorted but DH and I are not the best grown ups.

I was taking the washing off the line today and said to DH: “here I am putting my pegs in my little pink peg basket: I’ve made it in life” I laughed but I could have easily have cried.

it feels far too mundane in my 40s and sedate and I’m a shadow of who I was five years ago.

About to change it up with a new global role so that may add something interesting to the cycle of work/ housework/ study/childcare/ eldercare.