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Original poster

Was DP rude or our neighbour?

429 replies

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:09

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

OP posts:
Lochjeda · 09/05/2023 23:11

Get your key back off her. That's absolutely out of order.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 09/05/2023 23:12

It's incredibly rude. You have each others keys for emergencies, not so you can have a mooch around each others houses trying to find things you've been told you can't have. That's trespassing.

Diagonalley96 · 09/05/2023 23:13

I would change your locks if she has keys cut and make sure she doesn’t have a fob. I would also confront her. It’s out of order.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/05/2023 23:14

Not sure why they have a key when you’re at home, tbh.
Get it back and find a pet sitter or kennels, etc.

ginislife · 09/05/2023 23:14

Are you sure they haven't somehow managed to come over the fence/wall at the back ?

2chocolateoranges · 09/05/2023 23:15

I would be fuming if I thought she had done this! Bang out of order and I’d be taking the keys off her.

However, could the builder have gotten over the fence at another part of the garden.

mrsbyers · 09/05/2023 23:16

I think it’s more likely they’ve used ladders to access via the fence at the rear

Thistlelass · 09/05/2023 23:16

I'd report it to the Police. Get your key back and have nothing to do with them.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 09/05/2023 23:17

Ask your dogs.

NewAnon · 09/05/2023 23:18

Scare her.

You worry that someone broke into your house as "things have moved, and the door wasn't shut properly".

Say that you've reported to the police, and they have asked neighbours for Ring/Nest doorbell footage.

Say that the police are taking it very seriously due to a spate of similar issues in the area.

Did she see anything?

Then let her stew for a while.

A few days later "the police have seen a person or people going into the house - they won't give you any details for GDPR reasons, but they are investigating where that person or people came from, and whether they attempted to break into any other houses on the street".

NewAnon · 09/05/2023 23:19

Or, as @Thistlelass says, be a grown up and report it... I would enjoy it my way, but it's probably the least mature way to approach it ;-)

Original poster
CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:21

To get near the fence or into our back garden you have to come through the garage.
If they are already in her garden there would have been no need to get into ours and someone has been in our garden.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:23

Every day I say to my dogs "if onlyyou could talk for 5 mins everyday"

That would be perfect !

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:25

Door cam !?!?!?

I'm a fucking idiot. We have one. App thingy on DP's phone. Going to wake him up.

Durhhhhhhhhhh we are stupid.

OP posts:
Gothambutnotahamster · 09/05/2023 23:35

I would go absolutely nuts Op - fully on your DPs side. You need to get your key back and fob & anything else she might have of yours.

If the ring doorbell proves it, I'd go ballistic with her.

verdantverdure · 09/05/2023 23:38

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:25

Door cam !?!?!?

I'm a fucking idiot. We have one. App thingy on DP's phone. Going to wake him up.

Durhhhhhhhhhh we are stupid.

Well don't keep us in suspenders...! Wink

junebirthdaygirl · 09/05/2023 23:39

As you said you used to get on brilliantly is there any chance she has dementia starting as going into someone's house like that is completely off the wall behaviour. If she was a regular neighbour for years her behaviour is very strange.

Hairpinleg · 09/05/2023 23:41

It would seem crazy of her to risk breaking into your garden after you told her she couldn't have access. But it's possible she's become that odd.

Disgruntledpelicanlady · 09/05/2023 23:42

Absolutely not on

Snozzlemaid · 09/05/2023 23:44

Maybe they went up over your garage?

FannyFifer · 09/05/2023 23:44

Surely she wouldn't be so bold as to snoop around ur house for garage fob.

NoSquirrels · 09/05/2023 23:47

If they are already in her garden there would have been no need to get into ours and someone has been in our garden.

I don’t understand this. If they can easily get access from the neighbour’s garden, why do they need your access at all?

If they cannot get any access to their property without access to your garden, then it’s trickier.

Whatever, of course they’re in the wrong if they got into/onto your property without your permission.

It’s surprising the depth of feeling you can experience, even with someone you like and usually trust. Our (very nice) neighbour’s gardener once did similar to us, chopping a hedge by trespassing on our property - the excuse was ‘We knocked but you weren’t home’ and ‘Your LL is always happy for us to do it.’. Well - we weren’t home and that should’ve been that. From our point of view someone butchered the beech hedge and we’re liable if the LL isn’t happy!

AllBlackEverything · 09/05/2023 23:50

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:25

Door cam !?!?!?

I'm a fucking idiot. We have one. App thingy on DP's phone. Going to wake him up.

Durhhhhhhhhhh we are stupid.

Oh I'm dying to know the outcome of this! Did the door cam show you anything??

PimpMyFridge · 09/05/2023 23:52

If the neighbour has helped themselves and abused your trust after you told her when access would be ok that is massively out of order.

I'd be taking the key back and shutting down all relations. And I'm all for a friendly neighbour situation.

Original poster
CurlyTandtheTangles · 10/05/2023 00:01

We've checked. They did enter our house.

Somehow seeing that makes me feel more furious.

And really sad as I trusted them. Makes me paranoid on how any other times . Urgh. Overthinking time.

Right off for herbal tea to calm down. Need sleep tonight.

OP posts:
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