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Original poster

Was DP rude or our neighbour?

429 replies

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:09

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

OP posts:
Piony · 10/05/2023 00:01

You said in the OP you can access the garden through your house. Isn't it more likely that they have come through the house than snooped for the garage key? Or over the fence from another neighbour's garden or something

stonedaisy · 10/05/2023 00:04

Wow thats unreal that they came in without permission!

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/05/2023 00:04

mrsbyers · 09/05/2023 23:16

I think it’s more likely they’ve used ladders to access via the fence at the rear

This is surely more likely?

Original poster
CurlyTandtheTangles · 10/05/2023 00:05

Piony · 10/05/2023 00:01

You said in the OP you can access the garden through your house. Isn't it more likely that they have come through the house than snooped for the garage key? Or over the fence from another neighbour's garden or something

That's not what the door thingy is showing. And they'd not get that ladder through the house.

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 10/05/2023 00:05

I would return your keys and insist you get yours back (assuming you have proof). I would tell them you have been to the police and are having them charged. I wouldn’t actually go to the police but give them a scare.

Piony · 10/05/2023 00:07

whoah you can see her going into your house and coming out again with the garage key? Banged to rights.

Absolutely get your key back.

MagentaRocks · 10/05/2023 00:07

Definitely get your key back and have nothing more to do with them.

lemonchiffonpie · 10/05/2023 00:07

Your DH said no, and why, and they have trespassed. Creepy. The builder could have been the type to steal tools etc.

NeedCoffeeNowPlease · 10/05/2023 00:10

People that age so often forget that you can't just go to work when you feel like it. We had neighbours once block us in without notice because they figured we could just leave for work when they got done. We made them sort that issue pronto.

How shocking that they did this. I'd at the least have words with them, get my keys back and change the locks.

Original poster
CurlyTandtheTangles · 10/05/2023 00:11

The part of their building (its an odd extension) the builder needs to access cannot be accessed by going through their garden due to the landscape and chicken shed.
They need to come though our garden (done it before when we've been home) then chuck a ladder over.

You can only get into our backgarden via the garage or through the house.

And because we weren't being convenient for her - she's done it her way.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 10/05/2023 00:17

Was this a one-off or will the builder need to come back? Would be VERY interesting if the latter 😄

thisuser · 10/05/2023 00:19

woahh.. this is completely not on!!! i cannot believe she entered your home after you said no!!

Darkroot · 10/05/2023 00:21

I would be absolutely livid. Is this not a form of trespassing?

God, I’m angry on your behalf! 😡

lemonchiffonpie · 10/05/2023 00:21

Oh, and DP - not rude. Trespassing - super rude!

forgotname · 10/05/2023 00:24

I would be fuuuuming! I would suggest get your keys back pronto. How dare they

elm26 · 10/05/2023 00:28

I'm so angry for you!

You said no, your neighbour let themselves into your house, searched through your personal belongings for another key or fob! What the actual hell?!

I'd be going round there first thing tomorrow, asking for your key back, telling them you have footage and will be taking it to the police (even if you don't!). The actual brass neck of your neighbours!

Icanflyhigh · 10/05/2023 00:30

I am furious for you.
Wrong on so many levels.

UnfortunateSoul · 10/05/2023 00:33

Report to Police OP- this is classed as a burglary. She has entered your property without permission.

A person is guilty of burglary if-

(a) he enters any building or part of a building as a trespasser and with intent to commit any such offence as is mentioned in subsection (2);
or
(b) having entered any building or part of a building as a trespasser, he steals or attempts to steal anything in the building or that part of it...

The offences referred to in subsection (1)(a) are offences of stealing anything in the building or part of a building in question, ... and of doing unlawful damage to the building or anything therein.

your theft aspect being the fob/workshop keys. Damage potentially to your decking.

ClairDeLaLune · 10/05/2023 00:36

Omg OP that is beyond rude of her. That’s outrageous. You need to tell her you know and demand the key back off her. Then changes the locks to be on the safe side. NC from now on, I wouldn’t forgive that.

RunningUpThatMill · 10/05/2023 00:37

I mean this is absurd on your neighbours part, and I'd be going straight their in the morning to get my key back, and all communication would be ended until at least I got an apology - the key would never be returned in good faith though

I don't know about trespass and the police though? I'm not legally educated, but you have given them access to your property by giving them a key. Yes, of course it is morally wrong what they've done, but I'm not sure if they've broke any laws....I could be very wrong though.

Sorry your trust has been well and truly trampled on, OP.

RunningUpThatMill · 10/05/2023 00:38

*straight there

Swansandcustard · 10/05/2023 00:38

I honestly was not expecting that! Ultimate cheeky fuckery! What the actual fuck! Disregarding your wishes completely and effectively breaking into your house.

Unfuckingbelievable.

RosaCaramella · 10/05/2023 00:40

I’m not sure there is much you can do. As you originally gave her a key, the police won’t be interested and it will be your word against hers that your partner said she wasn’t to come in that day. And if nothing is missing or damaged, the police won’t see any harm has been done.
Quietly change your locks and return her house keys to her in an envelope through the door with a note saying you want to stop your arrangement. I don’t think having a showdown would make any of you feel better. The trust is gone so best just cut ties and get on with your life.

Yfory · 10/05/2023 00:41

I would have your locks changed asap.

RunningUpThatMill · 10/05/2023 00:49

GrumpyPanda · 10/05/2023 00:17

Was this a one-off or will the builder need to come back? Would be VERY interesting if the latter 😄

🤣. I really hope it is the latter.

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