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Original poster

Was DP rude or our neighbour?

429 replies

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:09

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

OP posts:
Modda · 10/05/2023 07:27

I'd go fucking crazy if my neighbour did this.

Gardengirl108 · 10/05/2023 07:27

Notatallanamechange · 10/05/2023 05:37

Genuine question for those saying there’s been no crime committed: would the removal of the garage fob after going into their property without permission not be counted as theft of some sort?

The 1968 Theft Act defines theft as: ‘A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it’. That’s not to say another crime hasn’t been committed. OP should absolutely get their keys back and tell them why. I wouldn’t have anyone having my house keys that I didn’t trust and neighbour has absolutely broken that trust.

WeWereInParis · 10/05/2023 07:30

Missjkay · 10/05/2023 06:03

I would probably go and knock and start the conversation about the ring doorbell as I bet she didn’t think of that, did she! However if she does you favours when away I think you need to consider your options. I don’t talk to our neighbours due to an issue with antisocial behaviour. It’s awkward at times. Personally I would want the key back etc and would be fuming. It seems she is of an age where she does what she likes.

"However if she does you favours when away I think you need to consider your options"

But after entering the house and having a hunt around for the garage key, would you want them doing favours when you're away? I wouldn't want them coming into my house to look after pets etc after this.

Cats23 · 10/05/2023 07:30

I would 100% report her to the police

qazxc · 10/05/2023 07:31

Her behaviour is out of order. You were willing to accommodate her ( within reason) and she decided to ride roughshod all over it.
At this stage, I don't think she can be trusted with your keys. Does she still have your fob? If so you need to get that back and change your locks. Personally I would not play games or be overly confrontational about it, because you still have to live next door. But all help and access to property would stop.

SkyandSurf · 10/05/2023 07:31

Call the police. They won't charge her but a knock at the door might put her in check.

Unbelievable.

whyhere · 10/05/2023 07:32

Apologies if this has been said upthread (only had time to read the OP's posts)... Is it possible that the neighbour is in the early stages of dementia? Noticing, OP, that you wrote that she was fine until about 5 years ago, I'm reminded that often the first signs of dementia are a change in mood.

BillyNoM8s · 10/05/2023 07:32

GoodChat · 10/05/2023 05:31

There was no reason she couldn't have used the garage if she promised to be cautious. You trust her in your home when it suits you.

Obviously, though, she was massively out of order to use it when she's been told no.

There's no point reporting this to the police. They'll say it's a domestic issue and have bigger things to worry about.

Don't be ridiculous. The key (pardon the pun) point here is "when it suits". This didn't suit. As was communicated.

OP already explained why it wasn't possible and doesn't actually NEED an excuse to say no. It's their property. I wouldn't want random people having access to or sight of my expensive tools and equipment.

This is not burglary. I guess it's trespass but not worth pursuing. I'd have to change my locks. Someone this brazen has probably got multiple key copies. Clambering over a fence is one thing. You cannot just enter someone else's house because you feel entitled!

You'll have to look for an alternative pet sitter. I'd still offer to pet sit for them, but I'd rearrange all their furniture every time I did it.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 10/05/2023 07:32

i need an update! Have you spoken to cf neighbours yet? I would be round there at the crack of dawn with my video evidence!

BillyNoM8s · 10/05/2023 07:33

I'd also contact the builder if possible and make it quite clear that their visit constituted trespass and they do not have permission to access your land again.

CoolShoeshine · 10/05/2023 07:35

I can’t get my head around her having a garden area that she can only access via your garden? Or is it a piece of wall that they needed to access? A diagram would be good 😁
Either way i wouldn’t call the police, they’ve got enough to do and you did say that you’ve previously been friends with this couple for a lot of years. Could you have a word with her husband to let him know that what she did wasn’t on and see what his pov is? She could have mental health problems if her personality has changed in recent years.

Trixiefirecracker · 10/05/2023 07:35

Wow. Crazy behaviour and not on but would not involve calling police and escalate it that far! Would go and speak to them though and let them know it’s absolutely out of order.

PrinceHaz · 10/05/2023 07:35

Report break in to police.

Fansandblankets · 10/05/2023 07:36

Bloody hell. That’s awful! Keep us updated.

Itchyfleet · 10/05/2023 07:37

Really don’t see how she can get out of this one OP

Jifmicroliquid · 10/05/2023 07:37

Good grief! Go and collect your key and tell her that if she ever attempts to enter your property again, you will phone the police. Rude, entitled woman.

SiblingFights · 10/05/2023 07:39

Ultimate cheeky fuckery from your neighbours. I would be livid. Definitely get your keys back

fUNNYfACE36 · 10/05/2023 07:41

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/05/2023 01:22

So would I. That really is very bad. She was told no and did it anyway. Very clearly she is totally unreasonable and needs told.

And change your locks.

Show quote history

Call the police??!!!
...ans what are ypu going g to say? What crime has been co.mitted?

Iamnotalemming · 10/05/2023 07:42

Massive and flagrant breach of your trust. I feel angry just reading that. WTactualF.

I'd be round first thing in the morning to get keys back, and possibly change the locks.

icelollycraving · 10/05/2023 07:43

As much as I enjoy all the suggestions, this is real life. All those saying I’d do xyz, would you now? Really?
I would tell her that you were concern there had been a break in, so viewed the door cam. Take it from there. It was really outrageous though.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 10/05/2023 07:43

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 10/05/2023 01:54

My knee-jerk reaction was to get your key back (claiming Mum/sister/cousin twice removed needs to use it, then never give it back). But actually I'd be inclined to not breathe a word but just get the locks changed. Then the next time she fancies being a CF and gaining access WITHOUT your consent she's totally stymied. And it'll serve her right. Oh, and distance yourself from them totally, obviously.

This. I’d post hers back through the letterbox and find other pet sitters from now on. Cheeky fuckery if the highest order, it makes you wonder how often she’s used that key.
Has DH got the door cam set not to alert him if anyone approaches the door? My daughter has one covering her back garden to keep an eye on the dog, hers has the facility where she or her DH can talk through it. Put the shits up me one day when I’d gone over to let the dog out and a disembodied male voice spoke to “Hiya Daffy, you ok?” I recognised the voice but it totally threw me as he was in Scotland at work. Can you imagine if DH had said “Get the fuck outta my house” to C/F. Via the door cam.
I’ve had my neighbours key for years, in all of that time I’ve let myself in three times but with her permission first. She’s a prolific on line shopper, forever getting parcels delivered and I’d take them in for her if she wasn’t home. The times I used the key was to put her parcels in as I didn’t have room in mine for thm, I think she’d cleaned out Next in the sales. I texted her first though every time.

Dinopawus · 10/05/2023 07:46

I’d be changing the locks. I wouldn’t trust the neighbours not to have had spares cut. Obviously pet sitting is at an end too.

Assuming you have neighbour’s phone number OP, I’d be sending them the door camera footage too. Let them know you know.

Mumto1boyo · 10/05/2023 07:46

Fucking hell, eating my breakfast whilst reading that the CFers did indeed enter your house and almost got cereal all over me as I :O at the brass neck of her.
Change the locks and tell her to fuck off.

Topseyt123 · 10/05/2023 07:52

fUNNYfACE36 · 10/05/2023 07:41

Call the police??!!!
...ans what are ypu going g to say? What crime has been co.mitted?

Show quote history

The crime that has been committed is likely to be trespass.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 10/05/2023 07:53

PS my neighbour to the left and the one at the back have areas of wall that can only be accessed by my garden, (it’s the eaves, the pointy bit of the roof on the side walls,) they have to put a ladder over the fence into my garden for any work done on guttering or repairs to the brickwork etc. They always ask though and clean up after.

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