Was DP rude or our neighbour?

[CurlyTandtheTangles]

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

It might be worth considering that if she’s only become bossy and argumentative in the last five years, then this could be linked to a health issue.

I think this is really good advice. It's easy to sit at a keyboard egging you on to have it out with them, but you actually have to live next to them for years to come.

What the actual fuck am I reading. Get the key off of your neighbour pronto and give hers back. Tell them under no circumstances are they to do it again. Change keys and locks if you have the funding to do so in case she has made a copy. Absolute entitlement is disgusting.

Wow. Your neighbours are burglars.

Outrageous behaviour from them.

I would also quietly change the locks. No more DIY or pet sitting. And return their keys in an envelope like a pp suggested.

I bet they have previously had a major snoop whilst “pet sitting”. People are so untrustworthy.

I wouldn’t have it out with them, but if they question it, I’d simply say trust completely broke down when you saw camera evidence of them entering your house without permission.

oh and no way should you have granted them access when you were out.

I'd be so angry and feel slightly sick at the idea someone was in my house without my permission.
Agree with the people above saying you still have to live there though and that would influence my response.

I'd take a sledgehammer to their fucking building work.

I suppose this is the best response in many ways but I don't know if I could handle the situation this calmly and not really have a go at the neighbour. I really am shocked that anyone would do this and I would be livid if my neighbours abused my trust like this.

I would be apoplectic at this.

Your partner is correct and you are too nice!

Get your keys back and hand them theirs, that would be the end if any type of reciprocal arrangement.

You can’t actually do anything about it after the fact, game playing with police stories etc is just silly, but I would never help them with anything ever again.

I would call the police

I think I would also wonder how many other times the neighbours had been in my house without permission when they knew I was out.

So would I. That really is very bad. She was told no and did it anyway. Very clearly she is totally unreasonable and needs told.

And change your locks.

Surely you have the ring footage of your DH saying you can't access the house without us being here as well as her doing it anyway.
You 100% need to go the the police. Absolutely out of order!!

My knee-jerk reaction was to get your key back (claiming Mum/sister/cousin twice removed needs to use it, then never give it back). But actually I'd be inclined to not breathe a word but just get the locks changed. Then the next time she fancies being a CF and gaining access WITHOUT your consent she's totally stymied. And it'll serve her right. Oh, and distance yourself from them totally, obviously.

She has a key but surely that’s trespass.
I would change the locks.
She may have another key, but ask for it back anyway.

Your dp did give her other dates / times when it would be convenient so he was more than accommodating.

Would the garage key & fob have been easy to find?

I'd be marching round there demanding my key back and changing the locks. The cheeky fucker. I wonder if it's the first time she's been in your house without you knowing.

So, they committed a crime by breaking and entering. The key is irrelevant. The "breaking" is the breaking of the seal of the door (i.e. opening it) and entering, without permission. They expressly did NOT have permission. I assume if you caught them entering, you caught the conversation with your DP saying no they can't come in.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Normally I'm all for not causing unnecessary drama, but I'd feel so violated...

Unreal!!!…. I’d be fuming.

Cheeky fuckery at its finest here from your neighbour.

Yes, I'd go round there tomorrow as everyone else suggests and get your key back.

She probably thinks she has got away with it. I'd love to see her reaction when you inform her that you have doorbell camera footage of a) your DP saying that it wouldn't be convenient at that time and b) her actually entering your house while you were out.

Tell her that you will be contacting the police on their non-emergency 101 number to take advice on whether or not this counts as trespass.

Change the locks too. If you have to wait a while to get a locksmith then take the garage key fob with you each time you go out until it is done.

Of all the CF threads I’ve ever read….this is by far the worst.
There is absolutely no explanation as to why they should come in to your house when you’ve specifically told them “No”.
Disgusting behaviour.

Yikes! Go and get your key back off her straight away!!! She is so out of order, how dare she!!!!

This is bollocks. There's no theft been committed and there's some mud on the decking. That's not damage to the decking.

It's time to get your key back and return theirs. This is a huge breach of trust. You would have had no issue with their builder accessing via your house when you were in.

This is completely unacceptable. Definitely change the locks and give her key back. She's so out of order. I'd be furious.