Was DP rude or our neighbour?

[CurlyTandtheTangles]

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

And I agree with PP, I'd never help them again.

I would be fuming at this. What a scene I'd cause.

Can't believe there are posters who would get the key back "under a guise of someone else needing it" fuck that. Give them hell.

I would be furious beyond measure and report to the police.
You can also have a bit of fun with neighbours, knock on their door and say some valuables disappeared from your home/garage and that you are calling the police. And ask them if they have any idea of what could have happened? Or that one of your dogs is missing. Give them a good fright.

Say nothing and just change the locks not a big expense
whilst bang out of order you have to live next door to them
couldn’t be arsed with confrontation and also it suits u as no doubt they’ll take deliveries in and look after pets
when you go away put old lock back in so they can access to see to your pets

a huge breach of trust but unless u have a backup plan for looking after your pets say nothing just restrict access as I suggested above or you could be cutting your nose off to spite your face .by solving one problem you create another

call me petty but I’d be pleased she thinks she can access your house and has one up on you only to find she can’t

Get those keys back; she’s totally out of order op

I'm so angry for you! I'd be so furious - you need to have serious words with her and I'd be saying how you've contemplated going to the police as this is a serious matter to try and give her a scare. Let us know how you get on!

To be honest if you have been good neighbours for 20 years and have each other keys ect I would have given her the fob in the first place with the proviso that she stays and keeps an on the tools and dogs. She might have only been able to get the builder at that time.

sounds like she has got a bit cantankerous in her 70s an off with boundaries. Obviously she has been out of order here but I would weigh up whether it is worth the fallout.

There was no reason she couldn't have used the garage if she promised to be cautious. You trust her in your home when it suits you.

Obviously, though, she was massively out of order to use it when she's been told no.

There's no point reporting this to the police. They'll say it's a domestic issue and have bigger things to worry about.

That’s outrageous to enter your home with no permission! Get your keys back and be done with them

Genuine question for those saying there’s been no crime committed: would the removal of the garage fob after going into their property without permission not be counted as theft of some sort?

You trust her in your home when it suits you.

Yea of course they do - they've been helpful each other out when it suits them. What's so wrong with deciding what they will and won't accept in their own house, and do in return???

Change your locks!

I would have been RAGING and probably banged on the door at midnight when you discovered tgeproof. Certainly she would be getting threats of the police now. She would be under no misconception as to how bad what she’s done is. Whether you do report it or not is another thing.

surely only people with power of entry can just let themselves into your home without permission, this isn’t a just a domestic matter.

That's bang out of order.

Get the keys off her and give her a wrong key as a replacement. That way if she ever tries again she won't be able to get in and would be funny seeing her get all frustrated and flustered on the door cam.

I would change the locks, I wouldn't put it past them to have duplicated your key.

I would probably go and knock and start the conversation about the ring doorbell as I bet she didn’t think of that, did she! However if she does you favours when away I think you need to consider your options. I don’t talk to our neighbours due to an issue with antisocial behaviour. It’s awkward at times. Personally I would want the key back etc and would be fuming. It seems she is of an age where she does what she likes.

THIS. I'd be livid and would be changing the locks ASAP. You cant just let yourself into someone's house after they decline permission- thats outrageous.

I would never trust her ever again.

This.

And after that I'd change the locks. For safety reasons. (Although you probably don't even need to inform her. Just do it)

Oh my god I can’t can’t believe your neighbours did that! Ngl I would actually be furious!!

You’ve got to get your key back and possibly change the locks. It’s not on

Yes it would! They would make you rich and you could buy a mansion in a national park and have no neighbours for miles.

What are you going to do OP?

I'm so sorry.

What Wankers.

I'm warming up to @NewAnon's plan.

No matter how tempting, dont go in raging. Keep it to factual statements.

'You entered our home without permission and we have evidence of this'
'We no longer trust you and are no longer able to be key holders for you'
'If access to our property is needed to maintain your property this will be by arrangement with us and at our convenience'

Do this in writing and keep a copy. This way your neighbour cannot claim you were rude/aggressive/abusive.

Then hand back their keys and change your locks.

Do not trust them to have not cut copies.

This - or get another lock added to door.
NB Re. Selling - Decide ''how far'' you want to go though about doing more as you will have to live next door to this person and if you sell should declare information about incident with neighbour and buyer may change their mind!
I would!