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Original poster

Was DP rude or our neighbour?

429 replies

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/05/2023 23:09

Name changed cos this is outing.
And it's going to be long. Sorry.

Background - our neighbours are in their 70's, Known them nearly 20yrs. Used to get on brilliantly. In last 5 yrs the wife (let's call her Jane) has got very bossy, disagrees with anything you say and looks for arguments - it's tedious.

So we've stepped back slightly but still look after each others houses/pets when away. DP does the odd DIY task for them.We have keys for each others properties.

Yesterday evening our neighbour came round. DP answered the door. Jane asked if they could have access through our back garden to access their back wall. A builder is coming to sort out the back wall but can't get a ladder up in their back garden (its tiered in a weird way and huge chicken house in way). Not an urgent job but builder is available

To access the back of our house you have to come through the garage and then through a connected workshop into back garden. You can't access the back any other way except through the house.

DP said shouldnt be a problem.Jane said it would be about 3pm (Tues - today) DP said "ah sorry no" as none of us would be in. And told her the times we'd be home.

Jane wasn't happy. Voice getting annoyed. She kept going onto DP about how do delivery people get to the back of house.... she was angling for DP to give her the fob for the garage and key to workshop. DP wasn't having of it and repeated times someone would be home.

Reasons DP didn't want her to have the fob and keys is because he's got lots of equipment in garage and workshop and was concerned the builder would be up a ladder at the back of our/their house and leave the garage etc with doors wide open. And also our dogs would go bonkers seeing a stranger in the garden (patio doors).

So (you can probably guess what's happened today)....

Earlier this evening we were in our garden. I noticed the guinea pig run I left by the fence dividing our gardens is in a different position. We looked up and obvious building work has been done on their wall.

Further inspection shows muddy flat grass and muddy footprints on our decking.

I can only think Jane has been in our house, snooped for the garage fob and workshop key. Made the dogs go crazy. Let the builder through.

I was/am fuming. But a tiny part of me thinks should we have given her the fob and key,???

DP seems cross and said he will deal with it tomorrow. Obviously I'm still stewing over this - DP is snoring.

It's rude isn't it? It's fucking downright out of order isn't it? Or is my way of thinking wonky (I am autistic so fuck up on social stuff lots).

OP posts:
MsRosley · 12/05/2023 18:49

They've apologised, it seems sincere, so I'd let it go - on the proviso that nothing similar ever happens again.

Mumto1boyo · 12/05/2023 18:49

Both husbands have been excellent

BMW6 · 12/05/2023 19:49

Brilliant result. They have acknowledged that they were wrong and as PP has said, they know you will see any future unpermitted incursions so I really don't think she will do it again.

Jillybloop393 · 12/05/2023 20:12

Inkpotlover · 12/05/2023 18:26

Blimey, do you normally go def con 9 on people after they've apologised?! Or are you being sarcastic? If it's the former you need to read OP's updates.

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What, you really thought I'd do all that?!! 😆

Mothershit · 12/05/2023 20:17

Brilliant husband. Well handled.

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/05/2023 20:44

Jillybloop393 · 12/05/2023 20:12

What, you really thought I'd do all that?!! 😆

Show quote history

Not really.

Not with the price of rats these days.

Topseyt123 · 12/05/2023 20:51

I think that is the best result all around. Well done to your DP. He sounds like a gem.

diddl · 12/05/2023 21:36

She thought it would be fine because both households have popped into the others house when others not there

Hmm, I'm almost thinking that she has a point tbh.

Not that she should have gone in after being told not to but it's easy to see that she was surprised that your husband said no.

lemonchiffonpie · 13/05/2023 00:16

He also selfishly likes them to have a key incase one of us forgets ours and is locked out

As others have said, get a key safe. I keep a spare key wrapped in alfoil and plastic buried at the base of a shrub in my front garden...

He thinks they won't do it again

I think he's being naive. Have they organised a day either of you can be home for when their builder has to return?

It is great it was able to be ended well, diplomatically, and with apologies. But that wasn't the end!

Mydietstartstomorrow · 13/05/2023 06:52

Pringleface oh the irony of your post! If YOU had read all the posts you would see that OP said DP was going back round on the 11th. Which was what I was referring to. There always has to be a nasty little grinch on these posts isn’t there?! 🥇
jesus….

Inkpotlover · 13/05/2023 06:59

Jillybloop393 · 12/05/2023 20:12

What, you really thought I'd do all that?!! 😆

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I thought you might be joking but you never know on MN! To a lot of people that would be their preferred response! 😂

Mydietstartstomorrow · 13/05/2023 07:02

Pringleface · 12/05/2023 12:11

You could try reading the thread, or if that’s really too difficult for you, just the OP’s posts.

Jesus.

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oh the irony of your post! If YOU had read all the posts you would see that OP said DP was going back round on the 11th. Which was what I was referring to. There always has to be a nasty little grinch on these posts isn’t there?! 🥇
jesus….

Pringleface · 13/05/2023 07:05

Mydietstartstomorrow · 13/05/2023 07:02

oh the irony of your post! If YOU had read all the posts you would see that OP said DP was going back round on the 11th. Which was what I was referring to. There always has to be a nasty little grinch on these posts isn’t there?! 🥇
jesus….

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My apologies. Based on your post, I thought you were referring to the first visit which had already been posted about.

Standrews · 15/05/2023 12:22

If the neighbour has onset dementia which her behaviour could suggest then I would definitely retrieve my keys. Who knows what other odd behaviour might occur. I would be cross that she didn't think it reasonable to suggest to the builder a time to fit your availability.

Stewball01 · 20/05/2023 01:58

What a fuckingⁿ cheek. No dementia there. Just hutzpa. Get your keys back ASAP.

WeAreTheHeroes · 20/05/2023 05:15

It's chutzpah. Just saying. And can we stop suggesting dementia whenever someone does something rude/odd and they're over 50?

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/05/2023 05:32

Why is the suggestion of dementia so outrageous, the OP's neighbours are not just 'over 50' they're in their 70's and this appears to be a significant change of personality/behaviour.

It's a possibility.

Doesn't mean thats a definite, doesn't mean it is the only possible answer, just that it is possible.

PimpMyFridge · 20/05/2023 08:25

@WiddlinDiddlin agreed

verdantverdure · 20/05/2023 10:01

I'm not sure if older women lose some capacity for empathy after a certain age, or lose the ability to fake it, or stop giving a shit, but there can be a gobsmacking lack of it.

And in couples sometimes it was the woman who was stopping the man from riding roughshod over other people's boundaries.

A lifetime of women and children getting out of their way on pavements and generally accommodating them and making allowances for their bad behaviour is not good for men.

Possibly this couple weeks always entitled Wankers, it sometimes doesn't become apparent until you say no to them.

Londisc · 20/05/2023 13:17

There's also a gobsmacking amount of undiagnosed dementia.

VivatVaginaCamilla · 20/05/2023 13:42

Fantastic update, OP. I'm glad it is all now sorted out.

I'm not sure if older women lose some capacity for empathy after a certain age, or lose the ability to fake it, or stop giving a shit

Yes, all of the above. It starts during perimenopause, and becomes ever more marked.

PimpMyFridge · 20/05/2023 13:59

I know many many compassionate understanding and caring older ladies (my mum's church community who do lots of supportive things for each other and their community would evaporate without them). I think becoming less tolerant, less flexible and more selfish can be a marker of old age in men or women, but it's not a given in either.

verdantverdure · 20/05/2023 15:06

VivatVaginaCamilla · 20/05/2023 13:42

Fantastic update, OP. I'm glad it is all now sorted out.

I'm not sure if older women lose some capacity for empathy after a certain age, or lose the ability to fake it, or stop giving a shit

Yes, all of the above. It starts during perimenopause, and becomes ever more marked.

I've definitely seen changes in women I've known decades and wondered.

verdantverdure · 20/05/2023 15:07

PimpMyFridge · 20/05/2023 13:59

I know many many compassionate understanding and caring older ladies (my mum's church community who do lots of supportive things for each other and their community would evaporate without them). I think becoming less tolerant, less flexible and more selfish can be a marker of old age in men or women, but it's not a given in either.

Agreed.

Men probably get away with it more than women because we expect women to be "nice".

VivatVaginaCamilla · 20/05/2023 16:10

verdantverdure · 20/05/2023 15:07

Agreed.

Men probably get away with it more than women because we expect women to be "nice".

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I think there are some women (and men) who are and remain genuinely compassionate and caring. In most cases, though, I think that once women lose their 'nurturing and caring' hormones, a lot of them just think "sod that being nice stuff" because their brains become more like men's. Others, again, will be so conditioned to "be nice" that they would find it hard to accept that they are anything but!