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Original poster

Husband eats weekly shop in 2 days

186 replies

husbandfoodproblems · 06/05/2023 21:15

Same as most people, we are now on a tight budget. We are a family of 3, son 7, H and I been together 12 years. I'm disabled, we make do, I mend my own socks and pants etc etc
He's had an IVA in the past, so he knows what he is doing. He is and has always been a big man but with the cost of living it is getting so hard to cope.
He will not eat any meal without meat. I have tried, he refuses and complains about the 'horrible food' in front of our son. He has a BMI of around 35 now, wears 3xl at 6'1 and 117 kg.
I don't mind what he looks like. I fancy him fine and I don't want to body shame but we can't afford his attitude. The trigger for my post today is we shopped 'for the week' (£100) two days ago but I just realised he has eaten NINE sausages and a pack of bacon, among other stuff today, and bought more food while he was out leaving me short to pay my credit card and phone bill.
My son and I eat normally and are normal BMI. I'm by no means slim, really and love my sweets but this is insane.
I can't tell him, he goes mad. Short of a locking box in the fridge (not even joking) what do I do?

OP posts:
Batalax · 07/05/2023 02:37

It’s easier to move countries when ds is 7 rather than 14 etc.
How long have you been feeling like this? Can you really live like this for the for the next 5, 10, 15 years.?
At 7 it won’t take ds long to adjust to a new country. Better now really.

Original poster
husbandfoodproblems · 07/05/2023 02:44

Hehehe, he has life insurance, but sadly I have no patio :)
Batalax, I felt like this for maybe 9 months out of being here a few years. Going to another place would be good but again, it would take maybe years to get to a financial position to move. It's all so expensive right now!

OP posts:
ProstituteHair · 07/05/2023 02:57

Well OP, if he was spending it on drugs, alcohol or gambling, everyone would tell you to leave him.

He obviously has a food addiction, he needs to get some help with it. It's not ok if it's putting your family in a precarious position, no different from any other addiction. It's affecting the people around him, to their detriment.

What does he say about it?

twoandcooplease · 07/05/2023 03:41

ladydimitrescu · 07/05/2023 00:40

Bless your heart to the poster suggesting the Lakeland yogurt maker - I know you meant well but that is the most peak mumsnet reply I've ever read.

😂😂

Instantkarmaa · 07/05/2023 03:43

gloriawasright · 06/05/2023 23:31

Greedy,gluttony,pig,repulsive,
Grotesque,
These words are just some of the usual tripe spouted about anyone who is overweight or eats a lot.
The judgement is real !
Ooh I couldn't possible eat another thing,I have already had some carrot sticks today .
Cream on fruit ? Well fuck me ,time to leave the bastard.
"I only eat twice a day,"well bloody good for you .some might say that's an eating disorder right there

You alright there?

ImustLearn2Cook · 07/05/2023 04:18

Could you buy some protein powder to mix into a milkshake? I’ve heard that it can be quite filling and it might help him control his appetite a bit.

He doesn’t seem to be open to getting help for his eating problem or seeing a gp. So, maybe finding cheaper options of filling him up might help.

I’m not sure how much a tin of protein powder costs in the country you are living in or if it’s readily available. Sorry if it’s not much help.

CallItLoneliness · 07/05/2023 04:27

Your son might be happy, but think about the example of being an adult man your H is setting for him. If you can move now, I would.

mathanxiety · 07/05/2023 04:38

Two things -

1 Leave and move back

2 Children cope with change far better than you think they do.

Your husband is killing himself slowly. You are going to end up moving back anyway when he finally has a heart attack or a stroke or dies from complications caused by apnoea.

Your child will suffer less if you preemt a forced departure and move heaven and earth to get back before he reaches his preteen years. Give him the chance to settle in and adapt. He will be far better able to do this than you imagine.

Chchchchchangesss · 07/05/2023 05:13

Blimey has he got a tapeworm or something?!

MsRosley · 07/05/2023 05:15

I'd rather live alone than with a man like this.

Summerhillsquare · 07/05/2023 05:19

Quite apart from anything else he is going to have a heart attack if he carries on like this. Other factors are age, stress levels and fitness. Let me guess, he isn't young and active?

ChristmasFluff · 07/05/2023 06:30

If he gets angry when you speak to him, I'm guessing he'll lose the plot when he finds the locked away food....

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 07/05/2023 06:31

Your husband needs professional help for his eating disorder. Nine sausages and a pack of bacon is a binge. If he won't ask his GP for a referral, LTB. Don't enable his disorder, don't be that codependent wife.

orangegato · 07/05/2023 06:35

I had a bloke like that. Not even fat, just so frivolous and annoying with food. Whole packets of smoked salmon ‘for a snack’. I’m a very frugal person. I’m afraid people like that don’t change, I binned him off for various other reasons thank God.

Beautiful3 · 07/05/2023 06:35

Sounds like he's a binge eater. You're best off freezing the meat. You can get big packs of.frozen.bacon.cheaper than.fresh. I'd.freeze extra loaves and buy extra eggs, beans and big cheap tubs of yoghurt. If he's eaten stuff, don't replace it because you have all this.extra stuff. My brother was the same and it drove my mum insane. It's a very selfish thing to.do.

CamoFlamingo · 07/05/2023 06:42

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2023 21:37

I don't know how you can stand him. He sounds absolutely repulsive.

This. He sounds vile. His attitude is repulsive.

If I was you I'd divide the food bill and allocate him his own budget for the month. Give him the cash and tell him to shop and cook for himself. Would he go as far as you steal your food if he did this? If yes then that shows he doesn't actually GAF about you. I know LTB isn't always that simple but I cannot get over him not caring if his wife and son eat.

CamoFlamingo · 07/05/2023 06:45

And BTW I've suffered from bulimia for 18 years so I get that an ED might be at play here but if this is the case he needs to seek help instead of making his family suffer.

CamoFlamingo · 07/05/2023 07:03

I've just read all your replies OP and honestly if I were you I'd swallow my pride and ask family for help moving back hone. Your son will adapt. Can you honestly imagine living the rest of your life with this man? And as another poster pointed out, you'l be left alone when he inevitable dies young.

MaryJanesonabreak · 07/05/2023 07:29

If you could reframe it as a different addiction like alcohol or gambling, that affected the family finances, would you feel differently about it?
He refuses to admit or acknowledge how his addiction has taken over, won’t get any help and is determined to carry on regardless.
You didn’t cause it, you can’t fix it, it’s not your fault.
How long do you want to live like this?

rainbowstardrops · 07/05/2023 07:34

What a terribly sad situation for both you and your son, especially as you don't feel able to talk to your husband about it.
If he refuses to seek help then I suppose you either choose to carry on as you are, or you really explore ways to leave and go back to your home country.
I couldn't live with someone like that though.

manontroppo · 07/05/2023 07:40

Much easier to blame an eating disorder than to accept he’s just a greedy, gluttonous, abusive twat.

Heronwatcher · 07/05/2023 07:44

Could you put matters back into his hands, tell him that it’s making you unhappy and you’re worried about money and you can’t keep on spending on food like this. And what does he suggest? Do not under any circumstances suggest any solutions.

The other alternative is that you split the food budget appropriately, you buy your and your DC’s food, he buys all his own food and once the money is gone, it’s gone? But would you worry that he’d just get into debt? I do agree that simply not buying and cooking trigger foods (which seem to be meats) is probably a good idea. I can’t imagine anyone bingeing on veggi sausages in quite the same way!

kateluvscats · 07/05/2023 07:51

ladydimitrescu · 07/05/2023 00:40

Bless your heart to the poster suggesting the Lakeland yogurt maker - I know you meant well but that is the most peak mumsnet reply I've ever read.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hopelesscynic · 07/05/2023 07:58

Children very easily adjust and I say that from experience. Ask yourself if staying there with this man is really better for your son.
Whether your H has an eating disorder or is exceptionally greedy, he certainly doesn't care about his wife and son being left without food. He doesn't care about finding solutions, on the contrary - has the cheek to 'get mad' or stonewall you when you raise your concerns. Has the cheek to tell you vegetarian food is horrible too, how disrespectful and ungrateful is he?
You should be asking for advice on how to be leaving him here.

DiscoBeat · 07/05/2023 08:03

That’s pure gluttony. And it’s disgusting too
My thoughts exactly.