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Original poster

Is that money ‘mine’?

380 replies

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:25

I am disabled and receive ESA (so that’s my ‘income’)

Ive just been awarded PIP and have received backdated money. It’s quite a bit of money (for me). About the equivalent of 1 month of DH monthly wage.

dh wants to treat that money as ‘put it in the common pot’.
im thinking this is money to improve my quality of life, xtra cost due to my disability etc… Not to go and buy groceries or do some decorating.
ESA goes in the common pot.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
iusedtobeasize8 · 29/04/2023 17:29

PIP can be used for anything. I would think it's only fair that it goes in the pot as I'm assuming with your DH working that he is contributing more to the household every month than you. Swings and roundabouts.

PollyPeptide · 29/04/2023 17:33

Hasn't your husband been supporting you while you've been waiting for the PIP? If so, I'd think that it goes into the pot but that you get to use it for things you need just like your husband would access the pot for things he needs.

Gladlynot · 29/04/2023 17:34

FWIW DH’s PIP & ESA is his ‘wage’ so it goes in the family pot, just as his wages would do if he wasn’t too disabled to work. ESA on it’s own is only £85 so not really a wage.

It still absolutely benefits his health this way because without it we wouldn’t be able to afford to put the heating on in winter, which would be detrimental to his health, struggle to pay for the fuel for all his hospital appointments which are frequent and miles away, have a lower standard of living in general which would be detrimental to his health.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Benefits
Floralnomad · 29/04/2023 17:36

Any money that comes into this house is communal money .

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 29/04/2023 17:36

What do you want to spend it on?
Are you as a family struggling financially?

I would put it in the family pot.

Needingadvice2023 · 29/04/2023 17:37

I think everything goes into the common pot and you have equal access to any disposable income. If your husband has more disposable income than you then it might be fair to say it's yours but it's difficult to tell without that info.

MuffinToSeeHere · 29/04/2023 17:39

Surely it goes into the common pot as it's essentially your wages. If DHs wages go into the common pot and are used to pay for the bills and everyday living expenses meaning he doesn't get money just to spend as he chooses then it seems unfair that you would be able to use this money to spend as you like.

FrownedUpon · 29/04/2023 17:40

In the pot, as long as that’s where your DH’s money goes. If you say you’ll keep it for yourself, your DH could say the same about his wage every month.

PinkFootstool · 29/04/2023 17:40

PIP is basic survival money for my mate - food, gas, electric etc. ESA doesn't even cover the basics for her in her tiny one bed bungalow.

So in short, it's whatever you need it to be. If you have sufficient household income that PIP is useful rather than the choice between heating and eating, then you need to have a discussion about how it'll be used.

Have you got some ideas for how the PIP money can substantively help you with your disability? A cleaner, having the heating on more often, better / easier to get dressed in / warmer clothing, extra physiotherapy, new glasses, counselling - whatever you need?

Babyroobs · 29/04/2023 17:41

Unless you specifically need it for an expensive piece of equipment or therapy then it should go into the family household money. As others have said presumably your dh's wages have been paying for all the extra costs of your disability whilst you've been waiting for the PIP to be awarded. And going forwards you'll be getting the PIP money every four weeks.

depre · 29/04/2023 17:41

Our money just goes in the pot.

Equally though if I want/need something I just use the common pot. No need to have separate monies for us.

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2023 17:43

What did you do financially to support your disability before you received PIP?

Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:44

Except that changing the carpet won’t help me whereas getting a hoist for the wheelchair will…

I suspect the issue is that, if the money goes in the pot, DH will feel he has a say on it. And his idea of what I need and mine are …. different

Eg he is still unhappy I bought an electric wheelchair. I get high rate mobility for PIP (so very limited mobility) and can’t move a manual wheelchair….
Wo it, I’m stuck at home and can only go out with him pushing me.

Same with a lot if other things such as seeing a private physio or getting counselling. All of which are highly recommended for me but the NHS is limited to what they can offer.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 29/04/2023 17:47

Would you think it fair if your Dh now said, 'OK, if your income is yours, mine is now mine, how will we split bills?'

PinkFootstool · 29/04/2023 17:47

Then no, in this case it's essential that you ring fence it for your medical needs. Make sure the money goes into and stays in your account. Buy what you need. Book the appointments.

Anything left over, you could considered putting back into the joint funds.

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 17:48

If you're intending on using the money for something like a hoist, you're completely right.

If you wanted to splurge on some new shoes, I'd agree with him.

depre · 29/04/2023 17:48

Except that changing the carpet won’t help me whereas getting a hoist for the wheelchair will…

Why can't you get a hoists even if the money is in the shared pot?

holidayholidayholiday · 29/04/2023 17:49

If there essentials that you need to support you to be well and more independent, then your PIP should be used for that, with whatever is left over put into to pot.

From your posts OP I'm getting ther May your DH doesn't really understand or even have any empathy for your disability. Do you have money issues as a household?

RandomMess · 29/04/2023 17:51

I would write a list of what you need to help with your disability and the costs and basically tell him it's all accounted for already!

Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:54

depre · 29/04/2023 17:48

Except that changing the carpet won’t help me whereas getting a hoist for the wheelchair will…

Why can't you get a hoists even if the money is in the shared pot?

See above post.

DH is still grumpy I got an EWC because he didn’t think it was ‘needed’.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:58

@holidayholidayholiday no we dont have any money worries. We can live in DH wage Wo any issue.
it’s not a case of ‘we absolutely need that money to put the heating on’ situation which would be very different.

i guess I’m cheesed off that he immediately thought ‘great now we can <insert whatever HE would like to do>’ rather than ‘ok what does @MoneyMine needs that could help her but we couldn’t get until now’.

OP posts:
fidgetcube · 29/04/2023 17:59

PIP is not necessarily income in the way ESA kind of is, and while it can be used for anything, it’s for extra costs related to disability.

So if you dont want to put it in the communal pot don’t, keep it for disability related costs or things to make your life easier.

Rasputinsbeard · 29/04/2023 18:00

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:54

See above post.

DH is still grumpy I got an EWC because he didn’t think it was ‘needed’.

Show quote history

Does your DH always think he knows what you need better than you do OP? I agree with PP, he doesn't sound very empathetic or informed about your disability and that's not ok Flowers

Unbakey · 29/04/2023 18:00

OP is getting a very different response compared to previous threads where posters have DPs demanding their child's DLA goes into the shared pot.

OP, it's tricky but if bills are paid proportionatly (eg if 40% of his wage goes on bills then so does 40% of whatever your income) then stuff him and get what you need to make life liveable. If you left him sadly you'd likely be entitled to more help, financially and with any carers ect

mewkins · 29/04/2023 18:06

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:44

Except that changing the carpet won’t help me whereas getting a hoist for the wheelchair will…

I suspect the issue is that, if the money goes in the pot, DH will feel he has a say on it. And his idea of what I need and mine are …. different

Eg he is still unhappy I bought an electric wheelchair. I get high rate mobility for PIP (so very limited mobility) and can’t move a manual wheelchair….
Wo it, I’m stuck at home and can only go out with him pushing me.

Same with a lot if other things such as seeing a private physio or getting counselling. All of which are highly recommended for me but the NHS is limited to what they can offer.

I think you should ring fence it for your needs. You know what you need better than he does and if this is your only income and way of improving your quality of life then absolutely use it for that.