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Original poster

Is that money ‘mine’?

380 replies

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:25

I am disabled and receive ESA (so that’s my ‘income’)

Ive just been awarded PIP and have received backdated money. It’s quite a bit of money (for me). About the equivalent of 1 month of DH monthly wage.

dh wants to treat that money as ‘put it in the common pot’.
im thinking this is money to improve my quality of life, xtra cost due to my disability etc… Not to go and buy groceries or do some decorating.
ESA goes in the common pot.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 19:57

The rest stays in my account for specific costs related to my needs. Whatever is left at the end of the year either goes directly into savings, things that need doing/replacing (carpets, big electrical items etc) or a combo of both.

Thats something I can get behind tbh, esp now that I will get some money every 4 weeks.

What I’m really against is the assumption that money could be used for anything and everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 20:00

Btw, thank you to all the posters who mentioned abuse, him being controlling etc…
im not ignoring it. I’m very much letting those ideas sink in.
Now that all the benefit stuff is more or less sorted, I will have the head space to start thinking about what sort of life I want (and if DH has a place there or not).

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2023 20:02

I would ignore the comments telling you to share money. Are they disabled or living your life with a husband, who begrudges your basic needs? I spend a lot of money on physio and other sorts of body work. Dh doesn’t flinch at all those payments.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Benefits
AnonymousA1 · 29/04/2023 20:06

do you have a say in what your husband spends his wages on ?

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:07

It's yours OP. Your ESA is yours really too but it's up to you what you do with that. Some of it is for bills but there's a bit extra for being in the support group.

But your PIP is definitely for things to improve your personal wellbeing and functioning.

Thelnebriati · 29/04/2023 20:08

PIP is not wages. Put it into a separate account and save some of it. You should aim to have enough in savings so if your most expensive item breaks down you can have it repaired or replaced.

Roundandnour · 29/04/2023 20:08

I cannot believe some of the responses about money that is there to make you life easier and deal with the extra costs because of your disability.

Putting it in the pot. Discussing big purchases etc leads to discussion. Whe it comes to aides to help make the person more mobile, engaging in activities, attending appointments, therapy, adaptations and more the only discussion should me on x date I’m going to my appointment, on y day I’m finally having the adaptions made in whatever room. Can you make space there so my electric chair has somewhere to go etc.

holidayholidayholiday · 29/04/2023 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Would "the taxpayers" prefer that the OP spend her handout on a price of disability related equipment, or on a new carpet?

Dear god some of the responses on this thread!!!

Blushingm · 29/04/2023 20:12

If you need a hoist that then the NHS will provide it

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:16

PIP is not wages. Put it into a separate account and save some of it. You should aim to have enough in savings so if your most expensive item breaks down you can have it repaired or replaced.

People can do that but PIP is not official for that unless the items are pieces of therapeutic equipment or stuff they find therapeutic etc. So OP is not obliged to do that with it. It's a good plan to have a cushion of savings in general, but that money was given her for stuff that contributes to her functioning.

Roundandnour · 29/04/2023 20:17

Lemondrizzlerain · 29/04/2023 19:55

Is your DH trying to help you feel better & brighter (mentally) by making your home a nicer place to be?

You sound quite low and bleak. Maybe he's trying to make your home a better place.

Its a well known fact that people feel better if they're surroundings are better.

If not, then he just sounds like an arse!

Carpets are a pain in the arse for those who are in a wheelchair.

Not sure how a carpet will make the op feel better.
Not sure how the dh sulking about her electric wheelchair helps her to feel better. HE should be happy that this gives her some freedom and autonomy wjen she can leave her own home.

Would it make you happy if you as an adult could only leave the house when another adult allows it?

teaandcake123 · 29/04/2023 20:17

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 18:43

@Acheybreakyhead there is no way the NHS will pay for an EWC. That’s why you can get one through the motability scheme when you get the higher rate of PIP.

Thats literally what PIP is for!!
(same with an adapted car etc… btw)

The NHS does provide electric wheelchairs when their assessment shows that one is needed.
Social services provide hoists, again if their assessment shows that one is needed. Mobile hoists are provided free of charge regardless of the person’s means. Fixed track hoists are means tested.

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:17

*her functioning in everyday life as a person

Thelnebriati · 29/04/2023 20:18

@OldFan You have misunderstood my post. Obviously I was talking about OP replacing her chair or hoist. Not her fridge.

ThinkTheresBeenAGlitch · 29/04/2023 20:18

HarrietStyles · 29/04/2023 19:47

In our household everything goes into the family pot. Any big expenses are agreed on between the two of us.
If you want to keep it seperately for yourself, remember that if DH gets a bonus in the future, or wins money on a scratch card etc then he would be well within his rights to keep that or himself and not put it into the family pot.

PIP isn't the equivalent of a bonus or a scratchcard win! It's a payment made to the OP in recognition of the fact that her disability means she needs it. It's not free money given for fun - it's to provide her with independence. I am horrified by the comments on this thread. It's currently impossible to access the most basic healthcare in the NHS or social care in a timely manner, they aren't going to give her a hoist. People on here seem to have no understanding whatsoever of the challenges that disabled people face, the necessity and purpose of PIP and the bleak reality of public services at the moment. But any one of us could become disabled at any time. It's worth trying to cultivate a bit of empathy and understanding.

Roundandnour · 29/04/2023 20:20

Blushingm · 29/04/2023 20:12

If you need a hoist that then the NHS will provide it

Families of growing children have a hard battle trying to get a hoist, even before various cutbacks in social and nhs. As an adult you either are told to self fund or referred/given a list of the charities that maybe able to help.

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:24

The NHS does provide electric wheelchairs when their assessment shows that one is needed.

@teaandcake123 I don't know if it's still like it, but they used to be really stingy with who they'd give an electric one and base it on their life circumstances arbitrarily. I knew a young woman who was confined to a wheelchair permanently after a severe canoeing accident. When she was in work they let her have an electric wheelchair, but when she was doing a PGCE they only allowed her a basic one. There was no change in how much she needed an electric wheelchair. It would probably have been more helpful than when she was working, as our campus was really hilly and she would have to ask us strangers to push us up.

For a few years I spent a lot of my PIP on therapy. I wasn't left with much money for other stuff over those years and it was expensive, I wouldn'tve had any money for savings. But it was worth it and that's the sort of thing this money is for, depending on what will help the individual.

Rosscameasdoody · 29/04/2023 20:25

I think you know what your needs are better than your DH - you’re the one with the disability, not him. And if you’re on higher rate mobility, then obviously your mobility is substantially impaired. So if an electric wheelchair makes your life easier, and a wheelchair hoist, or private physio, or whatever you need, will make it easier again, then the money should be spent on that. And if he objects, the simple answer is that PIP is awarded for exactly the purpose for which you want to use it. You need to be as independent as possible, not reliant on your DH to take you out. He should realise that, and if he doesn’t, frankly, I would be asking him why he wants you dependent on him so much.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/04/2023 20:26

If you need specific things to make your life easier then you need to use this money to buy that stuff if he will not use the money from the shared pot. Why would he not want your life to be easier. It is not a lot of money but with the backpayment it can be such a big help to buy a larger item if you need it.

Lemondrizzlerain · 29/04/2023 20:26

@Roundandnour well if it's stained and shredded. Dull and old. Yes, it might make her feel better. 😂 obviously

Roundandnour · 29/04/2023 20:26

And nhs/ss agree to fund various expensive equipment, wet rooms etc. it’s not ok let’s get it done next month. They also have to apply for funding in many cases that aren’t accessible to people. Applications, regardless of how long take at least several months.

This is why if people can use their PIP to self fund it helps improve their quality of life a whole lot quicker.

Mari9999 · 29/04/2023 20:29

It is a bit disingenuous to overlook the fact that the OP's husband is the largest contributor to the OP's quality of life. To suggest that he is financially abusive because he expresses his opinion about utilization of funds is overlooking the value of his contribution.

Telling the OP to leave him should also include information as to where and how she will replace the both the funding and assistance that he provides.

I am always amazed at the number of people on MN who quickly classify a difference of opinion regarding finances as financial abuse. The OP's husband's opinion regarding the use of a limited dollar assistance hardly qualifies as abusive. It is not as though the husband could force or compel the OP to do as he says with the funds.

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:30

@Thelnebriati Ah ok Smile I thought you were agreeing with the DH.

Caloriecount24042023 · 29/04/2023 20:31

Use it for your health needs first and foremost.

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:32

It is not as though the husband could force or compel the OP to do as he says with the funds.

Well, he could. He definitely is putting emotional/psychological pressure on her to spend the money she is given for items etc that help with her disability on everyday stuff he wants them to spend it on.