Is that money ‘mine’?

[MoneyMine]

I am disabled and receive ESA (so that’s my ‘income’)

Ive just been awarded PIP and have received backdated money. It’s quite a bit of money (for me). About the equivalent of 1 month of DH monthly wage.

dh wants to treat that money as ‘put it in the common pot’.
im thinking this is money to improve my quality of life, xtra cost due to my disability etc… Not to go and buy groceries or do some decorating.
ESA goes in the common pot.

What do you all think?

It is a bit disingenuous to overlook the fact that the OP's husband is the largest contributor to the OP's quality of life.

From what OP's said he's only keeping her alive, not giving her any quality of life. He's dismissing anything she wants to give her independence and stop her from being housebound.

Assuming he puts his wage into a joint pot then so should you. It isn't fair for him to subsidise your life 100% for you to then just keen all of your own income. You should then both get a say on how it is spent

Assuming he puts his wage into a joint pot then so should you

@Wellhellother Personal Independence Payment for disability needs isn't a wage. It's a ... Personal Independence Payment for disability needs.

Your pip is to use to get you things YOU need like as you say a hoist or such aids that help you be more independent or something else that you need.
A relative gets dla for her child and relative uses it for herself and to buy things for her. It doesn't go on the child and it enrages me so munch

Wage / income / money generator - however you want to term it.
So it may be but I assume op also needs a home, electricity, food... Why should she not contribute to any of that?

Should we also say this to able bodied people who want to leave an abusive relationship?

Working parent told stay because he helps looking after his children? Does washing and cooking for you? Where to get help for setting up a new home, childcare and more?

He’s already compelling the op to do as he wants. Sulking because she now has freedom to leave the house on her own. You would think he would be happy, pushing a wheelchair can be hard work. She can pop to the shop for top ups. You would think he would want his wife to safely transfer from chair to car without using him for support instead of a carpet.

I have to say I’m finding all the calls around ‘but how are you contributing financially’ a bit mind blowing.
Like he is doing me a huge favour by ‘financing my lifestyle’. And like being disabled was a choice rather than pure bad luck. I mean I know many many men just disappear when their DW gets disabled but still…

fwiw I’m contributing with the only income I can get, which is the ESA. And that’s going in the common pot. As stated right at the start in the OP….

She already puts money into the pot. Roughly £300 a month. Isn’t this enough?

PIP is for the needs of the person who claims it.

ESA is now close to £500 a month.

A lot of posters don't seem aware of the 'in sickness and in health' part of the vows - and clearly haven't bothered to consider for one second what their own life would be like if they became disabled. I'm finding those responses very hard to read, OP, so I can't imagine what it's like for you. Of course the PIP money should go on your personal independence needs, that's what it's for.

It really isn't and her "backpay" is the equivalent to ONE MONTH of his wages not six months just ONE

I think if you’re fine living off DHs wage then some of the money should go to the communal pot. It does sound fair that’s what is yours but what’s yours is yours too. Can’t you use 50% to pay for your additional needs and then 50% in the household pot? I know it’s meant for additional costs caused by your disability but surely some of those costs are being borne by the communal pot?

You should put half of your total income in the joint pot.
He should put half of his total income in the joint pot.

The joint should be used for things that benefit you both - eg food shopping, rent, holidays, new carpet, utilities etc

The rest of the money should be spent on yourselves on things that you think you need - eg you a new wheelchair, him a new computer etc.

Of course it may not be 50% each it may have to be 80% or more each depending on your cost of living vs income but I don’t think all money should be put in the shared pot and I don’t think it’s fair that his money is both of your money, whilst yours is just his.

Motability’s grant system is means tested quite strictly these days, and adaptations to lease vehicles are not as straightforward as you might think. I renewed my lease a couple of months ago and realised afterwards that the boot sill of the new car was too high for me to lift my wheelchair in and out. Motability were happy for me to have a hoist fitted retrospectively at my own expense - £1500 to supply and fit. If I’d had it fitted along with the other adaptations before I took possession, it would only have cost £500.

I think the difficulty with finding another charity to pay for adaptations is that Motability have their own approved suppliers and fitters, who tend to be very expensive and whatever adaptation is supplied would be single use for the duration of one lease only. Motability won’t allow adaptations to be changed over from lease to lease. So although you pay for the adaptations, in practice, they are returned with the car and you have to pay again for new ones to be fitted to subsequent lease vehicles. For particularly expensive adaptations, such as for wheelchair driven vehicles, the lease is extended from 3 years to 5 years to compensate. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a great charity and it kept me mobile and working for a long time, but it’s not the free car fest that some of the vocal critics seem to think.

I really hate all the you sound greedy people PIP is for needs not wants

DW & I both get PIP, it goes into the common pot and added costs of disability are shared from the joint account.

Any leftover goes towards bills/food/whatever. It's just mixed in with the overall money really.

@MoneyMine yea sorry. Forgot it’s just been increased.

i don’t know if you have external carers, cleaners etc.
if you do and pay as you go parking, find out if your local authority have any parking support schemes. My area thankfully does and instead of roughly a tenner an hour they pay less than £2 an hour. I don’t let people know the discount because I know people would use me for this. This is in addition to the blue badge.

@Desperatelyseekingcommonsense how do you know there are additional costs from me being ill?

Im close to housebound. I dint buy clothes or shoes because I dint wear them out. I hardly use my car anymore so very low petrol cost. I let DH put the heating on when he needs it (he wfh). I just wear a oodie plus blanket when I get cold. I only have one shower a week because they make me crash.
i don’t have hobbies/gym membership etc…
So what are the additional cost of daily living?

Did you, like many other posters, miss the fact that she contributes her monthly ESA to the ‘pot’. Close to £500 a month. PIP is awarded specifically for disability needs, and if the OP has those now, then the money should be used for its’ intended purpose don’t you think ?

This shouldn't even be a question, if I needed an EWC I have no doubt that my OH would do everything to make that happen, overtime, asking family whatever was needed. If we had the money it would be bought

My OH drives me to all appointments, offered to pay for therapy when I considered it too expensive. He drives to pick me up when I can't walk. He does it because he sees me. If you're not seen, then best to consider if the relationship is meeting your needs. You don't have to think of it as abuse to determine its unacceptable.

In your shoes... fuck no, do NOT put this money in the communal pot.

Your ESA is your income.

PIP is not considered income as far as tax, other benefits, etc.

It is to help you with the EXTRA costs that come with being disabled, to pay for therapy, extra food, extra heating, equipment etc etc.

Some of us have to spend it on day to day normal bills but that is not what it is actually for.

Absolutely do NOT give control of this money or the backpay (unless he paid for some equipment for you I guess) to a man who is not helping you meet your needs, but is instead trying to disable you further by denying your disability and your needs.

Go back to your GP and ask for a referral to Wheelchair Services.

Tell them (GP and WCS) that you need to access education to expand your skills for potential self employment/employment later on. Acessing education and employment is a key criteria for power wheelchair provision across most of the country.

You do not have to be accessing those things NOW... you can't, but that is what you want to do in the future, you're being stopped by your lack of independence.

I have a powerchair on this basis - supplied by NHS.

Even if you do not currently need a powerchair as you have supplied your own, they can still supply the correct cushions and accessories, but they may well provide you with one at which point you can keep the other as a spare or sell it (if you have room, id have a spare, but it is a luxury many cannot afford!)

Thanks @Roundandnour

It’s a hoist for the wheelchair - NHS don’t provide those. And the other kind of hoist is provided as part of a disabled facilities grant, which takes ages and is means tested.

I think it shoild be put in the household account if your DH has been paying out more than you.