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Original poster

Is that money ‘mine’?

380 replies

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:25

I am disabled and receive ESA (so that’s my ‘income’)

Ive just been awarded PIP and have received backdated money. It’s quite a bit of money (for me). About the equivalent of 1 month of DH monthly wage.

dh wants to treat that money as ‘put it in the common pot’.
im thinking this is money to improve my quality of life, xtra cost due to my disability etc… Not to go and buy groceries or do some decorating.
ESA goes in the common pot.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
YouCould · 29/04/2023 18:52

Eg he is still unhappy I bought an electric wheelchair. I get high rate mobility for PIP (so very limited mobility) and can’t move a manual wheelchair

That's really awful of him. Maybe you need to spend the money on a divorce lawyer. It's a bit jacked up that you are in a position where it's even crossed your mind that you might need to try and keep the money for your own needs.
With an attitude like his how do you see things developing over the years?

Daffodilsandtuplips · 29/04/2023 18:56

PIP is for your needs, not for what your DH thinks you need. Your limited mobility should be taken into consideration. Having an electric hoist would help you…so get one.
The electric wheelchair, has he ever used a manual wheelchair? I have for a few months and it was bloody hard work. I had blisters on my palms from the outer ring around the wheels, my shoulders ached and it was hard to manoeuvre.
He has no right to be grumpy, he hasn’t got your disability.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 18:58

What sort of a man begrudges his disabled wife an electric wheelchair to allow her independence outside of the home? And who immediately tried to get hold of her benefits to spend on something he wants? Fucking hell.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Benefits
abisothergran · 29/04/2023 18:58

PIP stands for personal independence payment so it is specifically intended to help the disabled to be as indecent as possible -anything that helps this should clearly be your first priority,

Mirabai · 29/04/2023 18:59

Acheybreakyhead · 29/04/2023 18:41

It is and upkeep of the home falls into those costs.

If the OP requires substantial equipment that's not for PIP to pay for that requires a OT to come in, assess and support with grant applications for. PIP is for bits like a grab rail for the shower, or kitchen gadgets that facilitate independence or taxis and parking costs for medical appointments.

Show quote history

No. Upkeep of the home does not come under either the mobility component or the care component. PIP covers the motability scheme.

abisothergran · 29/04/2023 19:00

As independent not indecent!

Babyroobs · 29/04/2023 19:00

If you've been awarded enhanced rate you could split it as that would be around £600+ every four weeks. Maybe keep half for the things you need and contribute the rest towards household expenses like extra heating etc.

Mirabai · 29/04/2023 19:01

Acheybreakyhead · 29/04/2023 18:43

And she is also married which, if they are operating a communal finances marriage, means PIP goes in the pot

Show quote history

You may be purloining your DH’s PIP or using your own to decorate your house but that is not what taxpayers’ money is meant to be funding.

Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 19:01

We dint have extra heating bill just because of me though.
dh is wfh so is spending just as much time in the house as me…..

OP posts:
Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 19:03

@Mirabai I’ve just learnt a new word there :):)

OP posts:
Billsandfights · 29/04/2023 19:04

I think some posters on here have deliberately chosen to ignore the fact that social care is desperately underfunded to the point vulnerable people are left in increasingly unsafe conditions regarding their care just so they can jump on the OP. It’s just so easy to get all the funding/aids you need, when you need it, isn’t it?

As a social worker, let me tell you that disabled people get the absolute bare minimum these days. Something like an electric wheelchair would be totally off the table. So imagine how hard getting a hoist would be? Especially when the OP has been awarded PIP.

OP, the PIP is yours. For your PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE! Not for the family pot. Your husband sounds horrible and I agree with the few posters who have said he is abusive. I hope you manage to leave at some point.

Theunamedcat · 29/04/2023 19:05

It says here extra living costs due to a disability carpet isn't extra a hoist and an electric wheel chair is extra therefore it goes to your needs first

The ongoing payments might go towards household but the backpay should go towards making your life easier

Is that money ‘mine’?
MamaLazerou · 29/04/2023 19:06

I can see Social services/ NHS not funding an electric wheelchair as the eligibility criteria is usually quite tight but if you have a need for a hoist then surely that should be provided.

Original poster
MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 19:08

@MamaLazerou not a hoist to put the EWC in and out of the car.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 29/04/2023 19:08

Billsandfights · 29/04/2023 19:04

I think some posters on here have deliberately chosen to ignore the fact that social care is desperately underfunded to the point vulnerable people are left in increasingly unsafe conditions regarding their care just so they can jump on the OP. It’s just so easy to get all the funding/aids you need, when you need it, isn’t it?

As a social worker, let me tell you that disabled people get the absolute bare minimum these days. Something like an electric wheelchair would be totally off the table. So imagine how hard getting a hoist would be? Especially when the OP has been awarded PIP.

OP, the PIP is yours. For your PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE! Not for the family pot. Your husband sounds horrible and I agree with the few posters who have said he is abusive. I hope you manage to leave at some point.

Agree with this. Many people have to use it to pay for care and it's my understanding that people can have to wait ages for adaptions and things to their home and it's means tested anyway so they may not qualify.
However things like wheelchairs, gadgets, rails etc are not things that have to be replaced regularly so won't continue to take up the PIP money.

nettie434 · 29/04/2023 19:13

Acheybreakyhead · 29/04/2023 18:41

It is and upkeep of the home falls into those costs.

If the OP requires substantial equipment that's not for PIP to pay for that requires a OT to come in, assess and support with grant applications for. PIP is for bits like a grab rail for the shower, or kitchen gadgets that facilitate independence or taxis and parking costs for medical appointments.

Show quote history

I don't understand the comments about having an additional social care assessment. Surely PIP has a mobility and a daily living component? So why isn't an electric wheelchair a legitimate purchase? The OP will already have been assessed by the DWP in order to get a PIP so it's actually a waste of very limited social care resources to get assessed again, even assuming they had the funds to provide electric wheelchairs.

OP, do you get Employment and Support Support Allowance? If you do, I think the fairest thing to do would be to put some of that in the household pot because that is meant to make up for not being in paid employment but I think the PIP money is to make it easier to manage your disability.

Irritateandunreasonable · 29/04/2023 19:13

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 17:58

@holidayholidayholiday no we dont have any money worries. We can live in DH wage Wo any issue.
it’s not a case of ‘we absolutely need that money to put the heating on’ situation which would be very different.

i guess I’m cheesed off that he immediately thought ‘great now we can <insert whatever HE would like to do>’ rather than ‘ok what does @MoneyMine needs that could help her but we couldn’t get until now’.

Does he support you a lot financially? Does he care for you? Does he contribute more to the bills? If yes, you should 100% be putting that in the pot. Have a chat about what adjustments you need in the home.

Gillbil · 29/04/2023 19:14

Normally I'd say family pot, but that's under the assumption that the family pot is supporting your ability to move.
But because that's not the case...yeah you need to fence that money off and use it for you

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2023 19:17

There's no way I'd put it in the 'shared pot'. But then there's also no way I'd agree to my whole wage going in it either.

My husband and I mostly have separate finances. Just one joint account where we transfer our share of mortgage, nursery fees, other bills etc and the rest of our wage is ours.

Acheybreakyhead · 29/04/2023 19:17

nettie434 · 29/04/2023 19:13

I don't understand the comments about having an additional social care assessment. Surely PIP has a mobility and a daily living component? So why isn't an electric wheelchair a legitimate purchase? The OP will already have been assessed by the DWP in order to get a PIP so it's actually a waste of very limited social care resources to get assessed again, even assuming they had the funds to provide electric wheelchairs.

OP, do you get Employment and Support Support Allowance? If you do, I think the fairest thing to do would be to put some of that in the household pot because that is meant to make up for not being in paid employment but I think the PIP money is to make it easier to manage your disability.

Show quote history

I didn't say it wasn't a legitimate purchase, I'm directing her to other avenues of support where she can get her large equipment from to save her money and to stop her husband having such a hold over her

unsync · 29/04/2023 19:18

If you need equipment to help you become more independent, then you should most definitely use the PIP money. It's is exactly what it is for. Get your hoist.

MeinKraft · 29/04/2023 19:20

MoneyMine · 29/04/2023 18:18

Well… have you tried to leave a marriage when you are housebound, with no money at all (it took me about 12 months to sort out those benefits) and completely unable to work? And whilst stress is making your condition worse?

I just cannot do everything at once.

But there is a question to ask around his lack of caring etc….

Well you have some money now. You could LTB if you wanted.

GoodChat · 29/04/2023 19:21

@Acheybreakyhead that grant depends on finances and she's got the money to afford it without the grant so she wouldn't be high priority.

Surely her husband should support her independence.

Travis1 · 29/04/2023 19:21

Acheybreakyhead · 29/04/2023 19:18

Show quote history

Have you actually read that? It’s means tested and prioritises people who can’t afford the advance payment.

honest to god the absolute shittiness from some of you is utterly deplorable

@MoneyMine im sorry your husband is like this. I really hope you can make roads to leave now you have your PIP sorted