Is that money ‘mine’?

[MoneyMine]

I am disabled and receive ESA (so that’s my ‘income’)

Ive just been awarded PIP and have received backdated money. It’s quite a bit of money (for me). About the equivalent of 1 month of DH monthly wage.

dh wants to treat that money as ‘put it in the common pot’.
im thinking this is money to improve my quality of life, xtra cost due to my disability etc… Not to go and buy groceries or do some decorating.
ESA goes in the common pot.

What do you all think?

That was my understanding too @Unbakey and @fidgetcube .
Hence you can get PIP whilst working full time….

I’m aware that some people use it for everyday stuff because UC, ESA etc… are often not enough to live on. I just don’t think that it’s the intended use for it.

A hoist and other equipment can be funded through grants from social services unless your husband earns too much. It's not a case of what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own, that's just sefish! All funds are communal.

It's more complicated than that, if someone have aids that need charged then the electricity bill will be higher, or if you think about transport costs of going to appointments and so on, so using it for everyday bills and stuff is just as valid as anything else. It's there to make your life easier though so YANBU. Why are you with a man who begrudges you getting what you need to help you through life when it's such a struggle having mobility issues? He sounds very uncaring.

Well… have you tried to leave a marriage when you are housebound, with no money at all (it took me about 12 months to sort out those benefits) and completely unable to work? And whilst stress is making your condition worse?

I just cannot do everything at once.

But there is a question to ask around his lack of caring etc….

I would put it in the pot. I wouldn't live off his money and keep mine for myself and I wouldn't be impressed with a partner living off me and keeping anything they got for themselves.

But once it is in the pot I would say I needed a hoist and I would expect to get one if there was enough money in the pot. So if you think he will try to stop you getting a hoist even if there is enough money for one I would just order a hoist now with the money and put the remainder in the pot as you either need a hoist or you don't. It is an essential.

Do you have a social worker? Is your husband financially controlling? I'd argue based on what you've said here that he's risking being financially abusive (safeguarding) if he's restricting your access to medical care and equipment which is ultimately restricting your liberty and independence

Well quite clearly you need to keep the money because you want to leave and buying the equipment or therapy you need to improve your life is a priority.

Can you look at some direct pay carers?

She you need a hoist and he wants carpet? Wouldn't laminate be easier for a wheelchair anyway? Why does he not want you to be independent?

Your needs should be prioritized and if there's any left over it goes in the pot. But that would also mean working out if you would need to top up your regular income for weekly counselling and putting some by etc. I can't believe your DH would begrudge his wife things that make her more mobile and independent over a new carpet!

I wouldn’t say he is financially abusive.
Rather a man who thinks that because he is a man he knows best/his needs come first. And he is earning the money so should have the last say (and from some posts here, he isn’t the only one to think that either….)

And one that has no insight on what being ill means.

Like many others, his first reaction is to assume laziness rather being unable to. It’s all the ‘Be Strong and Push through’ attitude that is coming out and is actually pretty common.

PIP is awarded to the disabled person for help with their disability in two key areas - mobility and care needs as well as for aids which you have to summarise on the form. The government does not pay out taxpayers’ money to the husbands of disabled people for “fairness”.

That money should be used thus for the above and set aside for any additional needs OP may have in the future.

Eg he is still unhappy I bought an electric wheelchair. I get high rate mobility for PIP (so very limited mobility) and can’t move a manual wheelchair…. oh dear me. I hope you're OK OP.

This backpayment should go into the shared pot only as far to reinburse it for anything that was purchased to help you with your disability during that time. Anything other than that you should be spending on you.

DH is still grumpy I got an EWC because he didn’t think it was ‘needed’.

You say he's not controlling but essentially thinking it's OK for your partner's exit from the home should be entirely under your control when there is an alternative, IS controlling. Really very controlling.

It is and upkeep of the home falls into those costs.

If the OP requires substantial equipment that's not for PIP to pay for that requires a OT to come in, assess and support with grant applications for. PIP is for bits like a grab rail for the shower, or kitchen gadgets that facilitate independence or taxis and parking costs for medical appointments.

The government has given it to OP to improve her life. So it should be spent on that and her dick head partner will spend it all on himself from the sounds of it

You use the backdated money for what you need and put any left over in the pot OP. That money is for any extra costs your disabilities demand. Some people on this thread are talking out their arses and should count their blessings personally

This.

A social services based OT should raise a red flag about this and want to help more. A further reason to get a formal assessment!

@Acheybreakyhead there is no way the NHS will pay for an EWC. That’s why you can get one through the motability scheme when you get the higher rate of PIP.

Thats literally what PIP is for!!
(same with an adapted car etc… btw)

And she is also married which, if they are operating a communal finances marriage, means PIP goes in the pot

NHS and social care are two separate entities! There are numerous grants you can find through turn 2 us too.

Last night DH and I were having dinner and discussing paying for some medical care for me out of pocket. It would be coming from our joint household finances. I have the option of getting another method of treatment for free, but it isn’t ideal given my particular situation. he never hesitated in his insistence that if the cost is something we can manage, I should go with the better approach. I had been treating it as a real dilemma after I left my doctor’s visit. My husband saw no dilemma, only what was best for me.

that is the key here. If you were married to my husband, I would say that your PIP absolutely should be on the household pot. That is because your medical needs would be a household priority. Always balanced with other needs, but always considered important. If you are married to a man that doesn’t see that, I understand why you want to ring-fence some financing.

If you want to spend it on something you need for health, it's yours.
If you want to get your nails done then it's family pot.

He's your husband. Unless there is financial abuse, which is another issue entirely, all money should go into a common pot and spending decisions should be made jointly.

Social care will nit pay fur an EWC or a hoist.
Ive been assessed by the OT. They referred me back to the NHS for a manual wheelchair