Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

[BitterSweetheart]

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

I get where you’re coming from OP. I couldn’t reconcile it if it was a load of fake bs, I think that kind of thing is damaging and can be dangerous to those who don’t have the common sense to see it for what it is.
However I also think you need to deal with plain facts. Write a list out for yourself with all the actual issues (nature of job aside) that affect you and your dc as a family, eg does partner help with children, do you get to spend quality time as a family, is your partner thinking about still contributing to the ‘boring’ stuff like pensions, health etc.
Is it because you don’t feel valued in you relationship?
For context my partner and I are older, children have grown and gone. My job is regular hours, he is self employed and has several different strings to his bow. This has caused a lot of friction in the past as he ends up working long hours, late nights, weekends and if he isn’t working he will be following his hobby ( at which I am simply a spectator as he has other people on his team who he spends all the time with) which means most of the weekend away camping at events etc. I basically have had to work my life around him, silly things like making sure the washing has been done before we go away as we don’t have a drier, but it made me feel like his issues and lifestyle were important and mine weren’t, even though I was the one providing the boring essentials of home life, making sure there was food, clean clothes and a fairly nice home waiting for him.
we have almost split a few times because of it but I have now decided that life’s too short, he loves what he does and I wouldnt want to be that person who tried to tell him what to do. If we had young children however it would be different so only you can judge what is going to work for you going forward.

I agree with this. It’s not like the majority of jobs out there are really meaningful or offer great career prospects.
Influencers who manage to actually make a living are constantly creating engaging content to maintain a large following.
I follow several lifestyle and fashion influencers on Instagram, several of them are actually in their fifties and sixties. Not sure how much they’re making, but you can tell how they constantly need to stay on the ball and keep their followers engaged.
I wouldn’t do that job as I wouldn’t want to expose so much of my private life, but I don’t agree with the idea that there is no skill involved in being an influencer.
I‘d guess in order to be successful you would need to be creative, organized, self-motivated, good in communication and always stay on top of current trends.
Quite a few transferable skills in there in case the influencer decides to get a „proper“ job one day.

yeah.. any old job?! Can’t think of many transferable skills they have. They might be able to get a job but it may not be a career. Where is there pension contributions all this time?! Lack of any foresight. That job may also pay far less than an influencer career and not be able to sustain their family.

I name-changed to comment on this thread. My DH's role changed during the pandemic and now involves a social media presence. I recognise some of your struggles OP but not others. I'm happy he is enjoying his career and the finances are good. We both have had career changes throughout our relationship so I don't worry about longevity. We can support further career changes for either of us.
But I do have parameters around how I engage with it eg I wouldn't call him an influencer because I think that's a really disparaging title. I do value the content he creates, the effort he puts in and recognise that it's difficult to earn an income from social media so he must be 'good in his field'.
Neither myself nor our DC appear in any of the content. He can mention us (which he does often because he doesn't want people to be confused about his availability) but no photos or videos of us.
As a baseline expectation, I don't watch/read/listen/view the content. I will occasionally but I wouldn't be sitting in on meetings if he had a job in the city or reading his reports, etc. He doesn't have that insight or access into my work. I don't want it into his. I also think it helps to compartmentalise his 'job/brand' from our RL.
Depending on your DP's niche and content, he may be providing a 'service' that would have traditionally been performed by columnists in MSM. It's not vacuous simply because the format is visual rather than print iyswim. Also, much of the disdain towards 'influencers' on MN is because of the Tattle contingent who absolutely detest that social media has opened up income streams for women. Their disdain is firmly rooted in sexism. And the irony shouldn't be lost on you that they are posting on here (social media!) for free to complain about others who have monetised their own content on social media.

Well there are several different issues going on. I totally agree that being an influencer is pointless- it adds no value to humanity.

It's entertainment. It gives people enjoyment. Doesn't that add to people's lives? Or would you ban books, cinemas, parties. You're like a reincarnation of Oliver Cromwell. No kissing or Christmas. 😁

It's basically just a modern version of marketing. Besides if it's legal and brings in the ££ then why is it any different than e.g. Stacking shelves at a supermarket etc

You do realise that you can invest in a pension independently of having an employer, don’t you?

@snowydays10

People can start and contribute to their own private pensions, many self employed people do so whether they are influencers or any number of other careers.

People seem to delight in scoffing at the line of work but when you say you can't think of any transferable skills they may have, that's perhaps just because you don't work in relevant fields.

For those of us in PR, marketing, advertising etc we love working with people who have experience in content creation whether for themselves as influencers or for other brands.

They are likely to have transferable and highly relevant skills for related industries especially if they have a track record of building an audience, engaging that audience and creating content successful enough to attract brand sponsorships etc.

Yes exactly! Plenty of transferable skills within the fields of digital marketing, social media etc. Commercial content roles can pay very well too.

@TedMullins

Absolutely!

If the people who say these things have adult kids who leave uni and get into social media marketing, video on demand, content production etc would they tell them 'it's not a real job though' / 'you won't get any transferable skills in that line of work'? Doubt it!

I think it's ignorance to the industries more than anything else. I hope so anyway, otherwise it's just snobbery which is rather unpleasant.

You keep referring to they them .I am confused. Kinda. It seems as though they are happy, so I dont really see what the problem is. I agree that it does sound like jealousy. I would also say that if you are referring to partner as they /them you have far more pressing issues

@BitterSweetheart I’m wondering if your DP behaviour has changed since starting that work.
Yes the image they project is nowhere near reality. That’s pretty normal really. But do they act as if they are somehow ‘better’ than they were before iyswim?

Also im wondering like other posters if they treat it as a proper job.
aka as self employed, do they pay into a pension, have insurance if they can’t work? Do they treat it as work or as a hobby that happens to also pay the bills?
I think the attitude you have around that project can make a big difference too.

I would say anyone who has worked as an influencer could probably very easily get a job handling a company's social media presence. There's lots of jobs available for that now; everything from tiny companies to big ones to government departments and the pay is usually reasonable.

Pension contributions are a separate issues and something anyone running their own business - whicb is what this is.

@BitterSweetheart and also jealous of friends who have a more ordinary set up with promotions/pay scales/security/plans for the future etc. This doesn’t seem to worry my partner.

OP, I would feel exactly the same in your shoes. The jealousy less so, but the lack of foresight and security would give me sleepless nights. I would also be wondering about the commitment your partner really has to you and the family.
Your partner's attitude to life doesn't seem very grown up and you are right to be concerned.

Some are saying it's fine if they're bringing in the same wage, why worry? But the way I read OP describing it, the partner isn't pulling in the same wage as before. They're pulling in the equivalent of that wage when you add up the sponsored stuff, trips etc, and whatever money they're also bringing in.

So it won't be the same wage, because if he/she/it was earning 40k before, they wouldn't have been spending half that on handbags, golf clubs and trips to the Cayman Islands. Instead of 40k going into the household for the family, 20k of it (or whatever) is solely for the use of that person in the form of gifts and trips and that would feel very unfair if you're the person left earning the wage that everyone else has to live off.

I might be mis-reading though.

Anyway I agree OP, I'd be irked as well.

It seems to me that you both have very different values, expectations and outlook on life. To be blunt, if I was in this situation I'd be wondering not only whether this could be fixed but if should be fixed.

Sounds to me like you have completely different values and it’s taken something like this to reveal it to you. When I was growing up social media didn’t exist and I got on with lots of people and considered them good friends. Few years later we’re all still friends but what some of them choose to post online I simply don’t understand- we just have totally different perspectives on life. Lots of selfies that show attention seeking/ narcissistic qualities. Thing is, they were always like that and I wasn’t but there was no social media to make it that obvious to me. Instagram is just a new outlet for a trait that was always there. I think we look for what we have in common with other people because we often don’t understand the difference- it’s like trying to speak another language

If you have issues with reading comprehension, that's your issue. OP doesn't have to clarify details to make things easier for anyone to read.

Could you ask them to keep it separate from home life? Don't look at their online content, block everything from your sm about their online personality. Try to treat like its a job

@Swg I agree with you on that- there are many jobs in areas of commerce that didn't exist 15 years ago- they are still careers and jobs

Absolutely this. You sounds very jealous

I’d struggle to accept this as a career choice too.

My niece (22) is a successful influencer. She makes loads of money and her life is constant freebies. But I can’t help but think it’s vacuous and finite. She had a private education and went to a very prestigious uni, and now she just makes stupid TikToks which are the same as a gazillion others.

Hi OP.
I can't relate personally but to me it doesn't sound like jealousy. It sounds like you and your partner are drifting apart and they're really into a lifestyle now that doesn't appeal to you. I think it sounds more like you're going off them/ going off the person they're turning into.
I'm not into that kind of Instagram life or social media obsession that so many people are in love with so I wouldn't be impressed with it either.

Or maybe the word the OP's looking for is 'future'. Being an 'influencer' is not likely to be a long term career and once the ego-stoking stops and the money dries up, who will have to pick up the slack ?

I don't see the issue with it not being a future proofed career to be honest, as long as the content isn't highly controversial it won't stop someone getting a job in the future, and plenty of people change careers during their working life.

I would find it hard though to be supportive of an Influencing career too, I mean absolutely do see how if it makes them happy then that's great and something I'm sure we all aspire to; but if its changing them as it sounds like it is then its not surprising you are finding it challenging. I echo a PP though that you seem very articulate, thoughtful and considered in your posts.