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Original poster

Tired of partner with ‘Influencer’ job

257 replies

BitterSweetheart · 28/04/2023 17:01

I just wondered if anyone can relate to this. Obviously I want to try and keep this as anonymous as possible to protect our privacy.

I’m finding myself increasingly resentful about my partner’s ’influencer’ type job. They left their 9-5 a few years back as they were unhappy and I tried to be a supportive as possible. They are now making a living of sorts with something related to their interest - it just about brings in a similar wage but a lot of it feels like smoke and mirrors (brand deal exposure type things rather than salary increases). Looks very glamorous online, lots of gifts/trips away and they’ve amassed an adoring following. In real terms it seems whilst they are happier and working less at something they enjoy, I find it all hard to take seriously. There is limited career progression, they live in a bit of a bubble and are quite detached from reality - enjoying all the ego stroking from their followers, believing all the hype. I’m finding it increasingly hard to respect them as it all feels quite narcissistic.

I am for them happy and proud of them, but I’m also finding myself more resentful at working normal hours for normal pay, no perks and certainly no glitz, gifts and trips away. That life doesn’t appeal to me and I do get job satisfaction for a role in healthcare that I’ve worked and studied hard for. However I get burned out for long hours, poor working conditions (pressures on service etc) and not much reward. They seem to swan about with everyone telling them how wonderful they are, and assuming we are rolling in it- but we’re not - we’re struggling with the CoL increases like everyone else!

I just worry I guess about how resentful I feel, how precarious their work is and that they seem quite happy to ride this train with what seems like no realistic plan on how to future proof it- what happens when the brand deals dry up?

I have tried speaking to them a bit about this but they only can see the here and now, and don’t see the point in worrying about what may happen. They are clearly enjoying riding this wave and believing their own hype, which is great I guess?

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - how to manage my feelings and be supportive of partner without letting this impact upon our relationship.

OP posts:
ShitFacedOnRetsina · 29/04/2023 09:30

I think you are right to feel this way. Your DP's lifestyle is shallow and vapid and if everything is reduced to the potential for it to be 'content' there is no room for spirituality or personal growth and learning through the stages of life.

I would also spend so much of my life trying not to laugh, my life would not be manageable.

ShitFacedOnRetsina · 29/04/2023 09:31

It's as bad, if not worse than these types that are hooked on conspiracy theories and the like. At least with them, they tend to leave it in the space that is in front of the computer in the back bedroom. This affects their every waking moment.

pinkyredrose · 29/04/2023 09:31

She left a job she hated and has now made herself an influencer making an income and enjoying what she does.

You should be happy for her and proud of her. Most people who want to be influencers never make it. Your concerns are yours to deal with, she's done nothing wrong.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
CharlotteRumpling · 29/04/2023 09:33

I would also spend so much of my life trying not to laugh, my life would not be manageable.

So much this!

yogacushions · 29/04/2023 09:34

Interesting thread !

it sounds a bit like dating a ‘nearly’ famous musician, some money and perks but it’s not for sure the £££ going to be worth it.

in your shoes, I assume they have their own business, so therefore I would want that to have money in and also to be making pension payments and the like. So it’s tax efficient.

I’d also get private counselling to talk it through with someone outside so you can unpick the reasons it makes you so resentful.

xxxxxxxx

ps I didn’t find the they’s
annoying at all !

Sammyandtheboocas · 29/04/2023 09:40

I think the problem seems to be more your perception of influencers, their value in society and how worthwhile it is.

You need to really think about why it isnt enough to see your partner happy , if the money is the same and there's no negative impact on the household.

As others have pointed out, if this influencer stuff comes to end, I'm sure they will get another job.

Life isn't all about working as hard as possible to earn as much as possible..you have to enjoy what you do. I would be so proud of partner that's 'living the dream' and is happy.

CherryCokeFanatic · 29/04/2023 09:42

I wouldn’t enjoy that situation personally.

I am glad you have been able to keep the kids out of their content and now your kids are older and can now speak for themselves as to whether they want to be involved or not.

I know one person who is a wannabe influencer. Modest success with small/local businesses and does some modelling stuff too. They always have a mindset of making content. Anything they do, there is always a chance they will stop for photos, videos etc at fancy shops, restaurants, bars even if ultimately didn’t buy anything or only there for one drink before going to somewhere more normal. It’s frustrating.

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 29/04/2023 09:44

I couldn't Be in a relationship with an influencer. Just couldn't take them seriously

QueefQueen80s · 29/04/2023 09:45

This would bother me too OP. I don't like people who are vacuous, empty, materialistic and living their life always looking for content and wanting to be popular.

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:46

you say you don’t benefit at all oP

but you work part time. Presumably family finances are such that it permits you to have a day off?

user1471538283 · 29/04/2023 09:46

The thing that would worry me is what happens when it stops? What is the plan? If there isn't alot of money now then there won't be alot to save.

I also wouldn't be the one plugging away with a stressful job to then pick up the financial burden when this crashes. Surely this should only be a part time job?

trytopullyoursocksup · 29/04/2023 09:47

I think there are at least two aspects to the unease with this:

1 - where is it all going? what is the job building, for the family and for the future? Maybe lots of people have jobs that won't "save the planet" but some of them still have meaning - meaning for the family in that they come with pension contributions, a level of security, an industry standing or accreditation that means there will always be somewhere to go if this one goes tits up, etc. It is perfectly fair of someone who married thinking they were getting this in their partner to feel let down if they are now in a position where their partner is living day by day instead of sharing in the joint long term serious project that is the material stability of a family.

2 - the blurring of personal and private. Selling your personal life in the commercial sphere starts to bleed into the personal life such that there is no moment, no aspect of self, that is not for sale. That's selling your soul and it means something. I feel really strongly that people are not for sale. We sell our labour, we have to, to survive. What happens to a person when they are selling themselves? there are various forms of this that have taken place over the ages, sometimes people are forced to - often they have been / are women. If you can avoid doing that, it is very much the best thing for your mental and spiritual health. I am not surprised that the OP is upset that her partner seems to be doing that. and it does impact on her.

I think the OP is a woman and her DP is a man. I think that men selling themselves feels a lot wronger to a lot of people than women, which is still not great, but doesn't cut across the grain of tradition in the same way.

SkyandSurf · 29/04/2023 09:48

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:46

you say you don’t benefit at all oP

but you work part time. Presumably family finances are such that it permits you to have a day off?

I work part time, and like most it is due to caring responsibilities and I don't consider my non-work day a 'day off' or a benefit to me personally.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 29/04/2023 09:50

my gripe is whilst their quality of life has improved (not working so hard/commuting ) as a family we haven’t actually seen much reward

Imo a loving partner should be pleased about this, not have a 'gripe' about it.

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:52

QueefQueen80s · 29/04/2023 09:45

This would bother me too OP. I don't like people who are vacuous, empty, materialistic and living their life always looking for content and wanting to be popular.

@QueefQueen80s

but you’re ok with having sleazy friends with wandering eyes! (I was on the other thread you posted on and remembered reading your post and thinking “really 😐 “

I have a friend who is a bit sleazy, wandering eye etc. happy to have him as a friend but wouldn't go near him intimacy wise.

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 09:53

SkyandSurf · 29/04/2023 09:48

I work part time, and like most it is due to caring responsibilities and I don't consider my non-work day a 'day off' or a benefit to me personally.

Show quote history

But that’s you.

Op doesn’t say that or even allude to that

QueefQueen80s · 29/04/2023 09:57

@Bamboozleme What the hell? Quoting that doesn't even make sense.
Infact it shows I have high standards (in a good way) as I wouldn't date a sleazy man or an influencer!?

LemonjeIIo · 29/04/2023 09:58

I would be worried my partner wasn't paying into a pension! And the job surely can't be forever can it? What will they do afterwards??

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:00

QueefQueen80s · 29/04/2023 09:57

@Bamboozleme What the hell? Quoting that doesn't even make sense.
Infact it shows I have high standards (in a good way) as I wouldn't date a sleazy man or an influencer!?

But you’d be friends with them

so presumably “like” them 😂

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:01

LemonjeIIo · 29/04/2023 09:58

I would be worried my partner wasn't paying into a pension! And the job surely can't be forever can it? What will they do afterwards??

But if he’s self employed… could be paying into a SIPP?

QueefQueen80s · 29/04/2023 10:13

@Bamboozleme People are friends with allsorts of people who they wouldn't date as you don't have to get too involved with them/open your heart and get emotionally attached.
That is a long standing friend who has a wandering eye, I lecture him about it and don't respect him for it but I'm still friends with him. I've said to him I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole because of it.
Think of all your friends.. The majority of them will have a behaviour you wouldn't want in someone you are in a relationship with.
I have one friend who is very popular because she is dramatic and hilarious, tons of friends.. but never keeps a man as she is too much for them. I couldn't be "with" someone like her but love her friendship.

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 10:16

@QueefQueen80s

You have got the wrong end of the stick

nothing to do with dating anyone

you said you didn’t like vacuous etc people so presumably wouldn’t be friends with them.

but I recalled you saying you were friends with a sleazy man with a wandering eye. So presumably you “liked” him

It was meant to be lighthearted!

Lavenderflower · 29/04/2023 10:23

It may be a compatibility issue. I would never date an influencer, so if I got with someone who had regular job then, I would feel differently. Maybe your values are no longer lining up

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/04/2023 10:25

Totally get you op

I wouldn’t be able to respect my partner that much either if they did that

influencer is NOT a proper job. Don’t care what anyone says.

it contributes to a very toxic social media aspect too

3luckystars · 29/04/2023 10:26

I understand, I think it would feel a bit like ‘the Truman Show’ to me too.

Is this all very new? It probably feels scary that you are both on different paths, would you consider getting some counselling together to see if you could find things in common again before things go too far and you don’t know each other anymore. Things don’t have to be at a crisis point for counselling.

All the very best.

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