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Original poster

Do parents have no say in wedding invites?

481 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 22/04/2023 17:50

From another thread I've just read. The parents' friends are not invited to their daughter's wedding.

A reply said that this is the 21st century and it's solely up to the bride and groom who are invited.

Is this correct?

We are fully paying for our daughter's wedding next year and we were hoping that our good friends would be invited. There are just 12 of us on our side of the family and possibly over 150 on future son in law's side (mainly his family and friends - about 12 of my daughter's friends). They have arranged a Photo Booth, a string quartet, children's play area, a band, a bowling alley - all sorts of 'entertainment'. All this plus suits and dresses for groomsmen, bridesmaids and pageboys.

Save the date cards have been designed but not ordered yet and I was hoping that this would be the time to ask if our friends could attend. Our children have known our friends all their lives. In times gone by they would have been possibly been referred to as 'Aunty and uncle'.

Is it considered cheeky to interfere in guest lists? Do we get a say in who attends?

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 27/12/2023 11:41

Sending you Flowers, OP. You’ve been through a lot. Take care of yourself.

Longma · 27/12/2023 21:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Bansheed · 28/12/2023 07:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

I agree. This new 'MY wedding' schtick is so crass and selfish. I am getting married and we have older family friends coming, as well as mine and the groom's family and friends. It's so nice for everyone to be able to celebrate something, especially those who are no longer so young and have weathered life's shit show and plenty of grief.

Your community will also help keep the marriage together in tough times too...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
hellsBells246 · 28/12/2023 09:34

This sounds ridiculous. Your future SUL sounds like a selfish inconsiderate freeloader.

If you're paying for the wedding, then IMO you DO have a say in who is invited!

The guest list should be evenly split. If your SIL's side is huge then He/his family should really be paying the extra for their side.

You cut your cloth according to how much money you have.

And you do a huge amount for tour family and it doesn't sound as if it's reciprocated.

You should be able to talk to your dd and SIL about things like this.

Saz12 · 28/12/2023 10:53

OP, in your shoes I'd be looking to have an honest, gentle discussion with DD.
Tell her you'd like to invite some family friends, and feel worried about cousins not being included, particularly when its such a big wedding, and its ones who she knows.

A huge big wedding with only a dozen of her friends /family and others left out feels uncomfortable to me, particularly as youre the ones funding it.

And either way, explain that you need to set a budget. They can then choose where the money is spent within that budget. But otherwise youre practically writing them a blank cheque, and the numbers will keep growing on his side from the sounds of all the "gatecrashing the evening celebration" chat!

TorroFerney · 28/12/2023 11:43

Laiste · 23/04/2023 15:38

If you're still reading OP -

As i understand it your DH has had a massive health scare and in the aftermath of that he is throwing his money around. He deposited a large amount of money in your DDs account labelled ''Wedding''. With a promise for more if it spirals further ...

Can you both genuinely easily afford this? It's a really important point.

Secondly - wouldn't it have been more mature of your DD to have said to her fiance ''Look Fiance, dad has given me X for our wedding! It's a massive amount of money. I know he wants to pay, but i don't feel we should splurge every single penny of it, and also i think we should keep the numbers reasonably equal on both sides so that dad isn't paying for a day for (literally) hundreds of your friends and relatives''.

And if i was the fiance i'd say ''Yes, bloody hell, that's so generous! There's no way i'll let there be 4 times more of us than you lot when your dad's footing the bill. Especially after this health scare. It feels like he's not quite his self right now''.

"As i understand it your DH has had a massive health scare and in the aftermath of that he is throwing his money around. He deposited a large amount of money in your DDs account labelled ''Wedding''. With a promise for more if it spirals further ..." -

this seems an accurate summary but I cannot get my head round what the daughter and son in law are thinking, even if parents have said spend what you want and I will foot the bill even if it is more than I've deposited in your account - you just wouldn't would you? Well sorry i wouldn't, I would be so ashamed to do that. OP is obviously very pissed off, her posts (to me) are dripping with annoyance - use of the word "apparently" fives it away to me!

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