If you could have ONLY 1 child a boy or a girl which one would you choose?

[SleepDreamThinkHuge]

Someone asked me this question hypothetically if you had no children and you were only destined for one child what would you choose if you had the chance?

I'm not taking it personally. I don't require a logical explanation. I just shared my opinion (no more than twice) like everybody else.

My first opinion was I didn't get why women would prefer boys, my second was that I dislike thumping. Not sure what about that is so out of line to you.

This is getting strangely targeted.

Yes, then posters stated why, then you came back with anecdata and ‘I STILL don’t get it, why WOULD you prefer a boy, it’s weird’ blah blah. As Elsa would say, let it go…

Yes, then posters stated why, then you came back with anecdata and ‘I STILL don’t get it, why WOULD you prefer a boy, it’s weird’ blah blah. As Elsa would say, let it go…

No, I didn't. I said that wasn't my experience but ok. Then, the next day, somebody totally different said something about thumping that resparked my interest. I haven't focused on one person and refused to accept their opinion at all.

For example I would never have married a man with kids, it just isn’t for me, I wanted me and my children to always be my husband’s priority. Others may be open to it, doesn’t mean I need to keep pushing and pushing them until I understand why. If we were discussing it I would just take what they said at face value.

Anyway let’s not derail!

We have very different boys! Mine is very loving but super complicated 😂

Yeah, I have taken it at face value, I've just also shared my own opinion since that's what the thread is for. Really not sure what your problem is here.

I was never bothered I just wanted a baby when pregnant with my first (boy). I have a boy and three girls now. I think I would choose girl if I could only have one although I did want my fourth to be another boy.

Boy every time

I always wonder this too. How many people wish for a girl, but end up with a rough and tumble girl who hates reading and clothes and just wants to play fight with light sabres? Or a boy who plays quiet dress up and role play and loathes all sport and rough games? One of my besties in primary was a boy just like that, loved role play and ‘mummy and daddy’ type games and hated rough and tumble. He was a sweetie.

I wouldn’t choose because I feel it’s wrong, whether one child or a hundred. There are differences between boys and girls, but not always so clear cut. Just as I commented above, I certainly haven’t found my son uncomplicated (not sure anyone who’s met him would describe him as that!) but he is loving. He doesn’t like rough and tumble much, but he loves Lego and maths. He loved his doll when he was younger and likes certain clothes (though so many boys clothes are boring we have to look hard). He does charge about a fair bit though! My daughter is a bit more stereotypically girly but she also is quite physical and likes trying out physical activity for herself and working it out whereas my son was far more nervous. She also loves toy cars too. My sons experience at school has been of having some ‘bitchy’ friends, one of whom (boy) is controlling and does a lot of the ‘you can’t play today’ stuff that lots equate with girls. My dd is too young to comment on friends wise yet. I think the biggest issue in choosing would be parents having an image of the child they want instead of letting the child just be who they are. There was a documentary on C4 about it ages ago, something like 5 boys and wanting a girl, and I thought then how stereotypical the parents on there were about gender/sex and that it must be sad for the siblings knowing their parents thought their sex was second best. Appreciate this post was a theoretic question though.

Boy!

I always wanted a girl and I had two.

If I had the choice I'd choose a girl.

@MagpieSong yeah, definitely damaging. I knew someone growing up who was the unwanted sex and it was horrible to watch. I'd always say to people if you have a really strong preference don't take the risk of having kids the traditional way.

A boy, I have 2, but wanted 8

I would hope they were man enough to prioritise their wives over me when they’re adult men. So yes, sons do need to cut the apron strings in a way that adult daughters don’t

I think this is an odd way to think tbh. Prioritising your spouse and your immediate family unit (spouse and dc) over your mother is pretty standard regardless of sex. I get on with my mother well enough but I'd prioritise DH over my mother every time.

You seem to think that adult women should continue to prioritise their mother over their spouse - why? I'd absolutely imagine that would be the case for women who don't have a solid relationship with their oh but this is hardly something to wish for for your own dd!

@BelindaMelinda " I get on with my mother well enough but I'd prioritise DH over my mother every time."

Really? Isn't that something that needs to be considered on a case by case basis?

@BelindaMelinda

I can see how it comes across that way. I don’t expect my daughter to prioritise me. I expect her to prioritise herself. It does seem to be easier though for adult women to have more of a connection to their mothers in adulthood (if they so wish) without it really being an issue in their marriages. It’s just seen as a close mother-daughter relationship.

You only have to see the daily threads on here when you have adult sons who are dropping everything at the drop of a hat for their mothers. Doing what mother wants, not what wife wants, not compromising for fear of upsetting mother etc etc etc. I don’t want my sons to feel that way. I want to be close to them in a way where they know they can put their wives first and I will not be offended. So yes, I want them to be man enough to do that, so they will have to cut those apron strings in a way that my daughter may not have too. I mean she may want too and that’s also her choice too. There should be some acceptance of loss and the humility to accept the difference between adult sons and daughters. Failure to accept that is why we have nightmare mother in laws.

@Easterfunbun and there are daily threads from women with equally toxic relationships with their mothers. Mothers who expect them to look after their siblings, or comment on their weight constantly or step all over their boundaries with their children.

It’s perfectly possible for males to have a decent relationship with their parents, as much as it is for females. I personally don’t see any difference.

So ... you are not expecting your daughters to prioritise their partners over you?

Why do you have different expectations of how your children should behave once they are adults??

they will have to cut those apron strings in a way that my daughter may not have too. I mean she may want too and that’s also her choice too. There should be some acceptance of loss and the humility to accept the difference between adult sons and daughters. Failure to accept that is why we have nightmare mother in laws

And placing far higher expectations on daughters than on sons is why we have nightmare parents. The parents that women complain about constantly on mn and go low or nc with. Their brother is free to live their life but her mother still expects her to do xyz.