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Original poster

The realities of not being able to drive - anyone else?

161 replies

LohnJ · 19/04/2023 11:09

I failed my driving test for the 9th time yesterday and I have come to the decision that I can no longer put myself under this amount of pressure and just invest my time/effort into something else like my career. Yes I was learning in automatic so didn’t make a difference to me. Hoping driverless cars make an appearance soon!

Is anyone else in this situation? Do you not drive because of choice/don’t have a license - if so, how do you get around? Are you picky about where you live? My rental agreement is coming to an end soon so I will be looking at living somewhere with good public transport (where I live currently has an ok transport network - works for my commute). Thanks.

OP posts:

MilkshakeEarthquake · 19/04/2023 11:14

I don’t drive but live in London so it’s not a problem. I can’t afford to it’s that simple.

Nimbostratus100 · 19/04/2023 11:16

I have never driven, and I have always set my life up around that - work is reachable by public transport, and walkable in an emergency. ( maximum distance I ever worked away from my children's school was 12 miles, and not until they were teens - I did have to walk it a couple of times - mostly I have been less than 8 miles) electrcic bikes are great, if you are travelling when the roads are not to busy, and you have somewhere safe to keep it at work

Nimbostratus100 · 19/04/2023 11:17

During the pandemic I was walking 7 miles to work and back every day. It was actually quite nice

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WhatHoMarjorie · 19/04/2023 11:17

Is your problem maybe not your driving but rather that nerves overtake you on the day of the test? Presumably you feel your skills are pass worthy otherwise you wouldn't keep taking the test.

CC4712 · 19/04/2023 11:18

Do you know why you failed the tests? Do you have any special/physical issues that affect you? Have you thought to go on that show with Scarletts driving school. I'm not sure if they provide additional support to those learning, but might be worth enquiring.

I lived in central London for 20yrs and only used the car to visit relatives 2hrs away. Public transport in bigger cities is much better! I've recently moved to a quieter, village. Not tiny, remote nor rural. Our car was having work done and the dog suddenly got sick. We managed to get a lift to the vet- but trying to get home was a nightmare.

It was only 5pm. I rang 3 taxi companies and the earliest they could pick us up was 8pm! We waited for a bus for 1.5hrs! People do manage though. I assume having bus/train apps on your phone would help, home delivery shopping etc.

LosingMyPancakes · 19/04/2023 11:20

Someone will come along shortly trotting out some nonsense about everyone should be able to drive blah blah blah. But in real life, I know plenty of people who don't. My mother has a license but never drives as she hates it. A close friend finally passed last year after pressure from her DH to 'get it over and done with' and she is such a nervous (and dangerous!) driver who refuses to go anywhere unfamiliar or use motorways etc.

Good transport links are key - even though I drive, we live on a fantastic bus route which gets me almost anywhere.

WandaWonder · 19/04/2023 11:23

I do have a license but never used it (well not for nearly 25 years anyway) we did have a car ages ago but I just feel free-er without a car as we live in a busy city and I would rather be stuck on public transport rather than in a car in traffic

I may learn again one day...

ThreeRingCircus · 19/04/2023 11:26

I didn't pass my driving test until I was in my 30s. Before that I lived and worked in a city so it wasn't really a problem that I couldn't drive as I just walked or used public transport everywhere. As a PP said, if your life is set up in such a way that you live somewhere with good public transport and work/children's schools etc are all easily accessible then that's not a huge issue, but it is limiting. That depends though on if you have children or a partner that drives. I.e. my SIL doesn't drive but my BIL does so they still go further afield as a family and have that freedom. My best friend doesn't drive and neither does her husband and she fully admits herself it limits her on where she can go with the children and what she can do e.g. having to say no to going to soft play with friends as it's a 20 min drive away and not accessible via public transport. We live in a reasonably rural area though so public transport is pretty rubbish.... it's definitely different if you live in a city.

postwarbulge · 19/04/2023 11:29

The second most exciting thing anyone said to me (the first being my late husband proposing to me) was, at the end of my fifth driving test, "That's the end of the test, Mrs Bulge. I'm pleased to say you've passed!"

I had a couple of attempts at the test when I was 17-18, and then again over the next twenty years. I had given up the idea of driving when Hubby told me to have one last go before the then-new Theory Test came in. When I got the test date through, he booked me a week-long intensive course.

SweetSakura · 19/04/2023 11:29

It sounds like you can drive though, and it's just test nerves?

SweetSakura · 19/04/2023 11:30

Well not "just" as they can be crippling, but clearly you can drive or your instructor wouldn't have encouraged you to book the test.

AllOfThemWitches · 19/04/2023 11:31

I have a bicycle, it's the best, most fun and practical way to get around by far.

AngeloMysterioso · 19/04/2023 11:32

I only learnt to drive and got my licence last year at age 37, and it really only became a necessity because I have two very young DC and my local area has shite public transport if you’re not just getting the train to London.
I have always had terrible test/exam anxiety so I went to the GP before hand and was prescribed beta blockers. Might be worth thinking about if that’s what is making you come unstuck?

IwanttoworkforThomasNightingale · 19/04/2023 11:33

I don’t drive for medical reasons. I get free bus travel at certain times (not before 9am on weekdays) and discounted rail travel. It’s… fine, largely because DH does.

I really wish I could! There are things I’d like to be able to do and can’t unless DH is free.

I think it’s mad when people don’t consider public transport when moving house - even if you can drive, that can change in an instant. I knew someone who bought a house in a remote area only to then develop epilepsy. That’s a more unusual situation but what if you want a night out etc.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 19/04/2023 11:34

My DD doesn't drive, has no intention of learning and she manages perfectly well. She is more than able to get where she needs to be. It does determine a bit where she lives but she would almost certainly chose to live near transport links anyway.

She rarely asks for a lift from anyone and actually hates accepting even when it is offered. She has no issues getting to work as there is a bus route if the trains aren't running. She has friends in various different towns and sees then regularly. She has had holidays in the UK and can easily get to the airport.

She isn't planning on having children so I don't know whether that is a factor.

She's very happy with not driving. People often bang on to her about how she is limited and her answer is always 'tell me what I am not able to do without a car' Nobody ever can.

hopeishere · 19/04/2023 11:34

My mum couldn't drive. As a child it was a total PITA. Getting public transport everywhere including her taking eight buses to get us to and from school each day. Having to ask for lifts. Not being able to do the same level of activities as friends.

AllOfThemWitches · 19/04/2023 11:36

She's very happy with not driving. People often bang on to her about how she is limited and her answer is always 'tell me what I am not able to do without a car' Nobody ever can.

The only place I've ever actually seen such weird attitudes towards non-drivers is on here. Not everyone wants to pay for or rely on a car.

Truestorypeeps · 19/04/2023 11:37

Is it nerves? I remember my foot and leg shaking so much I couldn't operate the clutch properly!! I took Kalms for a week before my next test and it was just the ticket for me, completely relaxed and passed.

IwanttoworkforThomasNightingale · 19/04/2023 11:37

hopeishere · 19/04/2023 11:34

Eight buses? Might you be exaggerating a little?

ImpossibleDrear · 19/04/2023 11:37

I have a couple of friends who don't drive: one has epilepsy and one never learned when she was younger and never felt the need. Both live in a village that is fairly close to a major city (20 min drive) but the bus service was halved shortly after they moved there, and the buses take a long time to get into the city centre. So getting to work was a lengthy process.

The other main issue I remember them talking about was taking the bus to the hospital (on the other side of the city) with a very poorly child. A deeply unpleasant process.

I guess if you decide not to drive then it would be sensible to live fairly centrally . This is expensive but then cars and running costs are also somewhat expensive.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/04/2023 11:38

IwanttoworkforThomasNightingale · 19/04/2023 11:37

Eight buses? Might you be exaggerating a little?

Show quote history

Presumably she means two there and back in morning and evening which would indeed add up to 8.

StColumbofNavron · 19/04/2023 11:39

I don't drive (I don't even have a provisional), but I live in London, in zone 2 so it is probably a lot more hassle than it is worth. We have really good transport links though and regular and I have almost exclusively worked in the City or West End so would not be able to drive to work anyway. DH does drive though we don't have a car at the moment, but he loves driving and I suspect that even if I did drive he would probably always drive when we are together.

I am always happy to take public transport or pay for a taxi and don't rely on lifts etc so it is rare it impacts anyone else, usually emergency only.

RobertsRadio · 19/04/2023 11:40

Firstly I should say that I am a driver, got my driving licence at 18 on my third go, love driving and do like the independence driving gives me, especially as I live in the country. However, when I lived in London for several years I didn't have a car and didn't miss it. I have also lived without a car when I lived in two European capital cities and again managed perfectly well. If I lived in London again I would get rid of my car as the transport system and taxis are excellent.

Cars are expensive to buy and run, are an depreciating asset and parking can be a nightmare. Plus car parking charges in my area have shot up so much that it is sometimes cheaper to get a bus than pay for parking.

So in short, living without a car will save you £, the hassle of finding a parking space outside your home and you will never have to worry about getting a speeding or parking fine.

When I lived in cities I walked and cycled miles and was much fitter than I am now, so don't despair Op, there are real positives in not driving, as long as you can choose to live somewhere with good public transport and taxis.

paulmccartneysbagel · 19/04/2023 11:42

I've never driven and have no desire to. Can't afford a car. We live close to public transport and can walk to whatever we need.

Marlena1 · 19/04/2023 11:42

OP, I did mine a huge amount of times. And as PPs, it was nerves. The only reason I passed the last time was because something happened early on where I thought I'd made a "fail" decision so I just concentrated on finishing and seeing how few small ticks I could get. I really would consider something for nerves.

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