The realities of not being able to drive - anyone else?

[LohnJ]

I failed my driving test for the 9th time yesterday and I have come to the decision that I can no longer put myself under this amount of pressure and just invest my time/effort into something else like my career. Yes I was learning in automatic so didn’t make a difference to me. Hoping driverless cars make an appearance soon!

Is anyone else in this situation? Do you not drive because of choice/don’t have a license - if so, how do you get around? Are you picky about where you live? My rental agreement is coming to an end soon so I will be looking at living somewhere with good public transport (where I live currently has an ok transport network - works for my commute). Thanks.

It often takes one or two changes of bus/tube/train to get my DC to activities/holiday camps (London). Didn't mind it with one child but, with the pram, it's a bit of a pain.

I don't drive for medical reasons. It's a pain. I wish I could. Buses are OK here but difficult to navigate due to my mobility issues. I hate asking for lifts and have emergency taxi money although not a lot. It can be isolating.

I can drive but gave up my car a while back as there is little reason for me to own one. I don't miss it at all. I never enjoyed driving any way.

Op my sister failed her test 8 times due to nerves. On the last test she was given medication from the dr for the nerves/anxiety - I don’t know exactly what but it worked and she passed 9th time. Maybe you could speak to your dr?

No exaggeration required. Imagine, there and back twice a day requiring two buses for each journey equals eight buses in total.

I gave up driving in my 40s, I never enjoyed it and I hate cars, for me being a non driver is very useful, a great excuse to not go places you don't want to go to and get a lot of exercise from the cycling and walking 🤠👍👍👍
What's not to like 🤷

Did you pass after a week's intensive course?

Approaching my 40s and I have no intention of learning to drive.

I've always lived in urban areas with public transport, and only choose activities for myself and DD where we can walk to. If it's a bit further she has her scooter, it's far preferable and healthier than being ferried around in a car everywhere.

I think when you rely on cars it can be hard to get out of the mindset of not using it, but it's definitely doable and not worth the stress of driving.

I know plenty of people who don't drive and it's a complete non issue. It's only on MN that I see the weird attitude to non drivers.

That's fair enough, I have friends who did a few lessons years after giving up and ended up passing, you have the foundation blocks now and if in the future you decide you'd like to give it another go its always an option!

If you're looking in Manchester City Centre I wouldn't worry at all, I lived there for many (very happy) years and although had my license sold my car as it was more hassle than taking public transport. Tbh though anywhere within a reasonable distance and near a station would probably be fine.

@Genie321.

Yes, I did pass, much to my surprise and relief

Here in Ireland unless you live in Dublin you literally have no reliable public transport, Trains can take up to three hours for what is a 1 hour car journey, buses go at stupid times so no good for appointments or work. Taxis are very limited. As soon as you turned 17 everyone i went to school with did their lessons and applied for Their test. After the leaving cert it was said to you, your diving test was the most important test of your life. The freedom you have is unreal. It also takes away the reliance on one person driving in a relationship or with friends for journeys etc. My Nana didn't drive she had to be brought to work every day and collected or get a lift with someone, hospital appointments etc required someone bringing her. Even getting milk required a drive as she didnt live near a shop with walking distance. When my onw father inlaw died, i was so delighted that at least my mother in law could drive. It took the pressure of us for a bit. Plus she still had her freedom. For yourself it suits you then its ok, however where i live there is no way you could not drive

That sounds frustrating. I’m very grateful to be able to live in a country where I don’t have to have a driver’s license. Hope the situation improves in Ireland.

OP can I just ask, are you failing for a different reason every time?

I can’t drive. I left home at 18, took a minimum wage job and couldn’t afford lessons after rent etc was paid let alone a car and all it’s expenses.

I only started earning enough to pay for lessons and a car a few years ago, so I booked lessons which were cancelled due to the lockdowns. I finally booked an intensive last year, DD was struck down with flu so I missed 2 days of it 😡 but did the other 8. I wasn’t quite ready for the test at the end, needed another 15 hours or so the instructor said. Found out I was pregnant with DC2 that month so cash has been saved for maternity leave.

I find it embarrassing to be honest, not to mention a logistical nightmare. I see driving as a life skill and find adults constantly begging for lifts (or expecting them) to be really childish. As soon as I have some cash again it’ll go on another intensive.

I was learning to drive in my 20s had a major panic attack on my test, made worse by the examiner getting out of the car and leaving me in the middle of nowhere. Can't imagine he'd get way with that now.
Anyway I've always managed to either get public transport to work or car share, well me paying for a lift. I can't say it wouldn't have made my life a lot easier if I have driven but it is what it is. I'm retired now, the roads are miles busier and I can't imagine driving although I think I've got more road sense than some drivers I've come across!
The but is that if something happens to my husband, be it illness or death, I'm stuck. We live in walking distance of our town so for everyday stuff it's fine but for hospital appointments, days out etc it would be an issue.

Not sure you can blanket-statement 'the best' like that - my commute when I have to go to the office is around 140 miles.
I'd be a bit worse for wear!

I don't drive but I live in London and I have deliberately arranged my life so I do not have to. I have also lost about a stone walking everywhere and have no need to go to the gym.

I learnt to drive when I turned 17 as it was the expected thing to do. But then a few years later I had to surrender my licence so never got a chance to actually make use of it. I now live in a large city about 15 minutes walk from the main station and big shopping centers. I relocated here after my job moved to wfh and I think even if I could regain my licence I wouldn't want a car. I'd have to buy a permit or find a different flat with a parking space, plus potentially emission zone charges, petrol and insurance. Instead I can walk to most places and there are frequent buses that cover the rest. Taxis are readily available and fairly reasonable plus there are trains that seem to go most places in the UK that have a station. In fact I think I regret learning to drive as I have no use for it. Even if I do regain my licence I'll have to learn again. Maybe in the future things will change if I settle down and have kids, but for now it's of no use to me.

So I guess in your position I'd leave it for now. Maybe things will change in the future but for now I think it's more stress than it's worth.

Having kids doesn't have to rule out the bike - around us, lots of parents are now using cargo bikes, especially the GSD Tern to ferry around their children.

Something that helps me is thinking about how much money I save from not owning a car and giving myself permission to spend that on taxis/delivery charges when necessary

Can I ask those of you who failed several times because of nerves/just not being good enough on the day - how did you cope once you'd passed and had to drive on your own?
I'm almost more worried about that than my actual test!

There are people who are not meant to be drivers for a couple of reasons. Not being confident with driving even after a long time being number one. You have to be confident about your driving ability not just for yourself but for the safety of others too.
The other thing is, if you have already failed your driving test at least 3 times (especially on an easy automatic car) just stay away. It’s not for you. Stop forcing something that doesn’t come naturally and easily to you even after so much practice.
Driving is fun but it’s serious business, loads of people’s safety depend on you while doing it.

I can't drive. I never tried as hard as you have (kudos to you for sticking at it so long.) Bit I am dyspraxic with terrible hand to eye co-ordination and delayed processing skills which makes it very hard to judge how other drivers are behaving (eg on slip roads and roundabouts.)

I make sure I live in places with great transport connections and great local facilities. DH is a hands-on dad which helped when DC were small as their choices would have been a bit more limited if we'd not been able to drive them to places.

One thing I loathed in the past is people offering a lift (I never ask) and then immediately treating me like an entitled cow if I accept. So I nearly always decline.

If I were you I'd make a priority of choosing where you live very carefully,. Make sure you have all the following within walking distance: good schools, GP, supermarket, rail and bus services, playparks, social opportunities for you (fitness groups, swimming pool, cafes and restaurants, cinema etc) and for DC (sports/dance clubs, scouts etc)

We live in a village but we are walking distance to the nearest small town, the village itself is very lively with loads of facilities and we have great transport to the nearest big towns and cities.

I passed on the 3rd attempt so not too bad but I was crippled with nerves the first 2 times and nearly gave up. Weirdly I found it much less stressful driving without a driving instructor, I did take friends and family out to start with and whilst getting used to my first car, but it's surprising how quickly you can build your confidence up and it's when you really hone your skills in my opinion. There are still some things I get really nervous about, like if it's a busy car park and the only space is really tight- but the more you do things the easier it gets. I found having to drive everyday for work was the breakthrough from nervous driver to feeling good about it (being over confident isn't good imo either).

I can't drive for medical reasons. It was a shock losing my license. But I have adapted, and don't really miss it unless we need to travel to see family.

I guess it depends on the roads. I see people towing their small kids in bike trailers or (slightly better) pushing them in cargo bikes on the busy and polluted roads and roundabouts around where we live and it makes me queasy. These are roads where adult cyclists are not infrequently killed by buses, lorries and vans.

If you live somewhere with a decent safe cycle lane network separate from the roads, getting your kids around by bike is a great idea.