The realities of not being able to drive - anyone else?

[LohnJ]

I failed my driving test for the 9th time yesterday and I have come to the decision that I can no longer put myself under this amount of pressure and just invest my time/effort into something else like my career. Yes I was learning in automatic so didn’t make a difference to me. Hoping driverless cars make an appearance soon!

Is anyone else in this situation? Do you not drive because of choice/don’t have a license - if so, how do you get around? Are you picky about where you live? My rental agreement is coming to an end soon so I will be looking at living somewhere with good public transport (where I live currently has an ok transport network - works for my commute). Thanks.

I manage quite easily without a car. Passed my test at 18 and drove for a while as we lived rurally.

however once I left home I found I was fine without. Between buses, trains and a bike I could get pretty much anywhere.

I did find with kids a car was more of an essential, as obviously that rules out the bike, and even in big cities like london getting to and from things can be a pita. Pre internet as well for shopping

now the kids are grown I’ve ditched the car again and am commuting to work by bike. I can also get to the shop, gym, local town and city centres, even though we live semi-rurally.

Actually I have relatives in NI and I get you that must have been such a bind .

I have a license but no car. I live in the city centre (population 200 000) with family good public transportation and very bicycle friendly. Having a car just to use it once a week is not a good investment for me. If I did have a car I would drive to a lot more places but it hasn't yet been a necessity.

Not having the option to drive can be pain in the ass but not impossible as long as you live somewhere where it is possible.

I've got unstable photosensitive epilepsy, the only med that worked had awful side effects- gave me hair loss similar to alopecia, made me very sedated in the morning which was no good for work, left me with osteopenia for example to name just a couple of things.

So no I can't drive, I hate the fact I can't drive and it's really restricted my life.
Some of my best mates live out in country towns because I grew up in a small country town.
When I grew up I moved to a city with good transport links to most local places and walking distance to work but there's no direct bus from here to one of my friends homes.
And she expects me to go over there for meals in the evening with other friends.
It takes twice as long to travel out there than we spend having the meal!
People who drive really do not get it.

Plus I really suffer when I travel & it's sunny from small seizures that last a second repeatedly leaving me a bit confused to be honest. It's unpleasant.
Waiting months to see the neurologist.
Sorry just having a moan.

I'm 57 and for a number of reasons have never driven.
I live in a small city. I have never found it limiting. Because I don't have the expense of a car, I'm quite happy to fork out for taxis if needed.
I've taken my son all over the country on the train, he did all the activities he wanted to do, I walk to work, he cycled yo school, got the train to college and now cycles to work.
He wanted to drive and had his test today. I will buy him a car - not that I will benefit from it much as he will take it to uni with him in September.
Somethings take a bit of planning buy I know train/bus routes and timetables inside out so it's really not a big deal.

Yes I know some places don't have good public transport - but I don't live there.

Thanks all for your suggestions. So glad I posted this. I have a bike which I enjoy using but will look at an electric bike - just annoying when it rains. I do home delivery and collect bits and bobs from the local shop when I don’t do home delivery. Just wondered if there was anything I might have missed.

Yes it is nerves and I really hate driving. I have never enjoyed it and I was only doing it as I felt like it was “the must thing” to do. On my last test, I got 4 majors and I really can’t be bothered to keep going through this and I’m ok with that now. Especially after reading through these comments. I’m only 24 so perhaps I will go back later in life but it’s not a priority to me anymore.

I live in Greater Manchester, I was looking at moving to the city centre as that’s where my office is (I wfh 3 days a week anyway) and would have everything around. I don’t have a partner/child but do have a cat. Getting her to the vet has never been a problem tbf. Getting to the airport has never been a hassle. Thanks again!

I do have a license but have had a long break from driving ( hoping to pick it up again this year as I miss the freedom). I grew up and went to university in cities with very decent public transport so didn't really need to drive for a long time, most of my friends didn't either, both cities have good buses and (now) trams or transit systems.

However I am currently reliant on public transport and in the part of the north west where I live it is abysmal. My journey to work on the days I'm on site easily takes an hour and getting home can take up to two and a half despite it looking very doable on paper before I took the job. I am exhausted and though it's not the only reason I'm looking for a new job it's a major factor. I've just moved from an area with plentiful park and rides with regular bus services and the lack here has been another unpleasant shock.

Everything is expensive, unreliable and takes forever to plan. So I cope, but resentfully. If I'd known just how bad the transport was here I'd never have moved to this jo, I'd have looked for one in a location with better links. Ironically I moved here to be nearer my family in the north east partly, it's a 3.5 hour journey by car and can take almost a day and three times the cost by public transport.

I live in London and I'm planning to wean myself off driving here in the next year or two - they have blocked off so many roads we would genuinely be quicker cycling or using public transport.

If you live outside a city it may be more problematic, in which case you might need to revisit the test centre. Which part is it you are getting caught out on?

Manchester should be fine! They have good transport and I could definitely get by without a car there.

I've failed a fair few times, and have started learning again after a break and having now enough money to try again - my lesson this week was a complete disaster and I just want to stop all over again. My instructor is talking about test dates but I'm just not confident enough to waste the money trying just yet! And I know my mindset at the moment, after that lesson, is part of the problem. So I get why you want to stop trying, how much time and money do you throw at something that you keep not being able to do? It's why I stopped learning in the first place.

But I'm also between a rock and a hard place because although I've arranged my life around it, and live somewhere that's supposed to have good transport links, the service is utterly appalling at the moment and it's really affecting my life overall. It's never really been an issue before, but it's becoming one now.

I'm suspected to be dyspraxic and it makes it really challenging and if I'm feeling slightly 'off' for any reason, it's worse. I'm sceptical that I'll pass tbh, but I'm going to try again because of the reasons above, but even though those reasons are really hard to solve as problems without a licence, it's not going to change the issues I have around driving either.

Failing this time will see me looking to move closer to work and amenities that I need and dealing with it that way. It's not the insurmountable barrier many make it out to be.

And she expects me to go over there for meals in the evening with other friends.
It takes twice as long to travel out there than we spend having the meal!
People who drive really do not get it

i don’t think it’s people who drive. It’s your friend who isn’t getting it, and clearly expects you to put the effort in. Does she ever bother visiting you? What if said no, sorry, I can’t get there?

a friend who knew your circumstances would surely make arrangements. Staying over for example so you aren’t getting buses home if taxi’s aren’t an option. I’d usually offer to pick a non driver up as well if I could.

We're a none driving household - you pick where you live carefully - as much locally as possible - shop for milk, GP chemist and cash machine though possibly need that less - and walkable into main center even if walk it's a long walk - bus routes and train station in town and do big shops with supermarkets home delivery.

City we are in now taxi are every good and very competitively priced which helps. DH has had bikes and now has an electric bike - foldable one so can go on train - not options for me but work for him.

Our teens do have to think how do we get there and back safely - though only things we've really has issues with was Guides/scouts as they had occasional event in middle of no-where with no public transport no-one willing to to lifts and pricing up taxis has come to silly amounts. It does create limits sometimes - worst was in rural town - most cities we've lived in have been okay.

I tried driving lessons & didn’t like them, so I’ve lived most of my adult life in London. My criteria when moving have always been at least 2 possible routes to work and a reasonably safe route home at 2am.

I don’t have kids, I’m on the edge of my local town centre and I have a supermarket 10 mins walk away. All of which make things far easier.

Transport strikes and engineering works are a pain but I can usually get round them.

One change of bus would do it. Two there, two back twice a day. The kids would only be taking 4 buses per day.

It really completely depends on where you live and what public transport is like. Where I live you can get into the city centre OK but I couldn’t get the kids to any of their after school clubs without a car. I couldn’t get to any of my activities without one either. I’m so I find I need one for the life so want my family to have. Not everyone does, though in Scotland as you get out of the cities you do find that transport links out with the rail network can be very poor. So all of my friends drive regularly.

Ah Manchester will be fine. I didn’t have a car in manchester.

I lived off Oxford road in fallowfield. One end of my road was the bus stop straight to the universities, the other end was at train station, city centre one way and airport the other.

I didn’t have the budget for a city centre flat though.

I mainly cycled. Once you get into the habit rain is less of an issue. Because I only had a 20 min cycle into work I just got wet, and stripped off/showered at work. Got a wetsuit bag to keep my dry clothes dry/put wet stuff in, and kept a change of clothes at work.

an electric bike is a great idea if you aren’t that keen on cycling, don’t want to arrive too sweaty, or have a longer journey. Or what about a moped?

I know someone who is a driving instructor who specialises in teaching drivers with anxiety - and he is very good at it! He is teaching my daughter who has got to the age of 21 and had loads of driving lessons in the past but couldn't get passed her anxiety. 2 x 3 hour sessions and she is so much better and I have been told she will be a very good driver. If anxiety and nerves are the issue you could try and find an instructor who specialises in this

I don't drive though DH does but its been workable as initially lived on a tube or train line into the city and could walk or bus elsewhere. Then moved rurally but very careful where I chose so doctors, school, shop, kids activities all walkable.

DH does drive on holidays and me to and from hospital for cancer treatment. But the hospital do collect people who don't have transport I think (otherwise would be taxi or the bus) and holidays can be done on public transport / taxis.

I think if you live in a urban area a car is largely unnecessary. I do drive but mainly choose to use the bus or train and DH doesn't drive. I have a good friend who also doesn't drive and has a child with a disability who uses a wheelchair and they also manage just fine without a car.

Electric bikes are brilliant. So much faster, easier and more fun than a regular bike. And you do still get some exercise.

They're expensive but worth it IMO and if your employer offers the cycle to work scheme, that's a good way to save money.

For cycling in the rain - decathlon poncho and waterproof trousers. Still not much fun but at least I stay dry!

I think there is something in this. I hate driving and learnt quite late. Haven't driven for ages. Up until now, we have had one car which my DH uses mostly to commute for work (long drive and inaccessible by public transport), and I've relied on walking/buses/trains/taxis to get me and DC around. However, that's becoming quite limiting with a second child and for my older child's activities so we're looking into a second car, having been against it for environmental/practical reasons.

I don't drive. Wish I could but I've tried to learn and I'm hopeless at it. My husband does, but I've also lived alone and with a fellow non-driver.

In short - I am very careful about where I live. It has to be within walking distance of a railway station and on a bus route. Also within walking distance of a shop where I can at least get basics, even if it's only a corner shop. Those are my minimum criteria but luckily I have always lived in places where I can get a house within walking distance of the town centre.

My husband is no fan of getting the car out unnecessarily so we both walk if distances are reasonable, and use buses and trains a lot for leisure purposes.

I won't lie, though - when I first started going out with now-DH I was pleased to learn he could drive and it was a real novelty to have a car 'at my disposal' so to speak.

@IwanttoworkforThomasNightingale I was assuming the 8 buses was back in the day when children more often came home for primary lunch. So

Bus in for morning dropoff
Mum bus home
Mum bus back for lunch pick up
Bus home for lunch
Bus back for afternoon dropoff
Mum bus home
Mum bus back for afternoon pickup
Bus home at end of day

I'm another who grew up with a non-driving mother and therefore missed out on after school activities/clubs, as we lived beyond a sensible public transport system. It was one reason that I decided I HAD to learn to drive before I had a family.

Now live somewhere so rural that there is no public transport at all. Nearest bus stop is a 3 mile walk away (or 1.5 miles if you go over the fields). Three of my kids don't drive, one lives in a biggish town but can't visit me because there are no connecting buses (so I always have to visit them, which can be a pain), one doesn't drive because of disability and the other wants to learn as soon as the backlog of learners is less because she lives near good public transport but would like to be able to visit me and her friends when she wants.

I couldn't not drive. And, as my XH was the one who moved us to this remote location and wouldn't have cared at all if I'd been stuck at home permanently because of not being able to drive, I'm glad I learned when before I married and had children.